The Memoir of the HalfBlood Prince
by redbone135
Summary: Snape's life story. Starts in the marauder era, but ends shortly after the seventh book. I wrote this before the seventh book was out so it has no spoilers It is also very inaccurate. Gives theories for why Snape killed Dumbledore, and who RAB is.
1. Prolauge

Okay, I promise this and the epilogue are the only chapters not told by Snape. Also I would like to say I'm sorry for any mistakes I made, but this is the first story I have ever written from a male perspective, the first one where I have to follow set events dictated by the author, and the first one I have written from a character I didn't make up (I shouldn't have tried to do all three at once), and on top of that I'm writing on a deadline (the release of the seventh book) so I'm sorry if I made any mistakes. I appreciate reviews, just please no flames. And I like to collect Harry Potter theories for the seventh book.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, as much as I would love to, I never will.

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**Prologue Part One**

He held the little girl in his arms for the last time. Not the last time, he told himself, but if this child were anything like her mother she would be hard to find in twelve years.

"Hurry up!" the guard growled.

He looked over at the only two people besides the guards in the room. Draco was silent, and angry. He was not happy, no; he couldn't look to Draco for sympathy. The other boy, what had been his name? Matthew? He barely knew the boy; there was sympathy there, but a false sympathy.

"Hurry it up!" the guard growled again.

"Don't forget me Cassie," Snape whispered into the four-year-old's ear. He then handed her to Draco, her legal guardian, and let the guards lead him into Azkaban. There was no going back now, only forward.

"He was so stupid, to be caught like that. Three years in hiding and they found him so easily. It was stupid," Draco muttered as they left the jail.

"Don't get mad at him for leaving you, he would stay here if he could," Matthew assured him.

"Mommy," muttered the little girl.

"She's not here," Matthew assured her.

"She's dead!" Draco spat before handing the toddler to Matthew and storming away. In the last three years so many people had left him. His father, Regina, Pansy, and now the man who had been like an uncle to him; no, like a father.

"Daddy?" the girl asked.

Matthew chuckled to himself, "Dearest, you don't have a dad."

Prologue part two 

I tapped my finger on the table.

"When are you going to be done? I'm board!" I complained.

"You sound like a child!" he said, annoyed by me.

"I am a child," I moaned.

"MATTHEW!" Draco called, finally fed up.

"What?" Matthew asked as he angrily appeared in the study doorway.

"Cassie is board," Draco said with out looking up.

"I'm board," I said, as if to make it more obvious, or more annoying.

"Come along, leave you father-cousin-brother like person alone," Matthew said ushering me out of the study.

"I love you daddy!" I called after Draco.

"Don't call me that," he snapped back.

We waited till we turned the corner and Matthew and I both broke into hysterical laughter.

"It's a wonder he still lets you in his study," Matthew finally said.

"It's a wonder he hasn't killed me yet," I said laughing, "But at least that would be some entertainment in this house."

"You have a horse, a quidditch field, and a loving slash slightly insane big brother, what more could you want?"

"I don't know how to ride a horse and I don't want to learn, you can't play quidditch by yourself, and my big brother is too old to be of any interest to me. He's like thirty, that's old. And Draco still won't buy me that motor bike I want."

"First of all, he's twenty-nine, he's not thirty yet! And your friends are coming tomorrow, so if you could manage to not get into trouble until then that would be great. I have to pack, and I assure you Draco has locked the study, so you'll have to entertain yourself," Matthew said.

"I don't want to play alone!" I complained.

"Well then maybe you'll think twice before calling someone old!" Matthew said storming off.

I wandered the castle looking for something that could cause trouble. Needless to say most of the rooms were locked. The house elves in our manor knew that there was nothing worse then a board fifteen-year-old.

"BOO!" Aries shouted jumping out from behind a pillar. I stand corrected. There is nothing worse then a board seven-year-old.

"What is wrong with you," I said pulling him into one of the hall closets.

"I hate it when you get all the attention," he mumbled, "I'm not even allowed in dad's study, and mom is having one of her fits again. She threw a snow globe at me head! At least you have Matthew I had to get one of the house elves to play with me!"

"I'm sorry, but it's past your bed time anyways, if your not there soon your mother will go into another one of her fits, and she's insane on a regular basis, I'd hate to have her wrath on me," I said holding the door open for him, he wasted no time rushing away.

Aries was my cousin, I think. It's hard to tell with my family, my past is so confusing; most of my blood relatives are gone. My father was killed by his cousin, not to mention he was a fugitive of the law. My mother died in her sleep when I was four but had been legally dead for seventeen years before that. My older brother was adopted by my mother who saw him as more of a friend then a son. My Father's cousin's son is my legal guardian. Aries was the son of my legal guardian. I lived with Aries, his crazy mother who was expecting her second child, my guardian and Aries's father (Draco), and my adopted older brother. There was someone living on the third floor of the mansion as well, at first we had all thought it was a ghost, but it turned out to just be Aries's grandmother who liked to keep to herself. That's why I say that I think Aries is my cousin, it's easier then tracing the family tree.

I don't have many memories of a time before living in the manor, of a time before the war ended, or my mother's life. I couldn't even remember my mother's funeral, and I am told I have never met my father; he died while my mother was still pregnant. While I couldn't remember any of them I was always thirsty to learn more, but in this house I had learned quickly not to ask questions. Draco and Matthew had both been close to my mother, I'm not sure exactly how their paths crossed, but now it pained them to speak of her, and to be honest I couldn't find a living sole who had known my father.

So I clung to the one memory I had of my mother, that one last hope, only two months before she died, it was my first memory. It took place right before Christmas, my mother was making coco, Draco was hanging stockings, and Matthew and I put the star on the tree. The next morning when we awoke our stockings were full of candy and one special gift. Matthew's had a box of cigarettes, a habit he still hadn't kicked. Draco's was full of muggle money that he later spent on himself and me, mostly himself. My stocking had a beautiful golden locket that made Matthew's eyes light up when he saw it. When I realized my mother's stocking had been filled with coal I offered to trade with her, but she had sworn she wanted nothing to do with the locket. Nothing significant happened in this memory, but it gave me a feeling that once upon a time, even if I couldn't remember it, I had had a normal family.

While I was reminiscing about my past, a tradition honored on the eve of my birthday, I found that I had gotten lost in thought and ended up behind the pillars at the front door. Where was Matthew now, before I went to bed he was supposed to tell me the story of the night when I was born as he had done on all of my other birthdays.

Just as I was about to turn around and look for Matthew in his quarters there was a loud knock on the door. I wasn't allowed to answer it, Draco said he was worried I would be kidnapped, so I let the house elf that came running down stairs get it. When the door was opened it revealed a dark night sky filled with a downpour of rain and a hooded figure dripping on the front step. For once I would like to see bad news arrive when the sun was shining.

"My I speak with your master?" The figure asked, holding his breath so his voice came out in even, emotionless tones.

"Which one?" Poor Mitsy the house elf asked.

"Master Malfoy," the hooded figure said, emotionless again.

"Which one? If I may beg your pardon sir, Mitsy has four Master Malfoys."

The figure paused for a moment but then continued in his flat tone, "Draco Malfoy, the eldest, I presume."

"Yes sir, but not the eldest, and again, begging your pardon, but Mitsy cannot invite you in until permission is given from the Masters, so if you will please stay here."

"That's all right, I'll just stand here on the door step, dripping with rain, melting away. And take your time, I wouldn't want to trouble Master Malfoy with my presence!" the figure yelled at Mitsy as she hurried away up the stairs. I almost ran to get some towels for the person, but like Mitsy I was frightened of Draco's rage, and even more so of this strange figure. Who comes calling at night other then common thieves and murderers?

It didn't take long for Draco to arrive at the door, but he seemed to flourish with anger upon seeing the hooded figure.

"What are you doing here!?" he demanded.

"I need a place to stay," the figure stated flatly.

"Well, you can't stay here."

"Why not? I have a right to after all I've done for you. I would have been here sooner if it wasn't for you in the first place. Twelve years in Azkaban wasted on doing a good deed for you. I know that tomorrow is her sixteenth birthday, I want to meet her, and twelve years is a long time to wait!"

"I can't let you come in. It is not only my own stupid grudge that will not allow it, but the safety of my wife and child as well as Cassie. I can't allow a murderer in this house!"

"Just one night Draco. Don't make the mistake I did, don't let grudges consume you, don't be this way, don't be like me. I have to see her, you have to understand," the man said his voice now pleading.

"I can't allow it! She isn't her mother Severus! I can't allow you in here while you are thinking she is in any way! Don't you see how insane that is! As for being you, I'm afraid I don't need that advice, I will never be you!" Draco snarled as he slammed the door in the man's face and angrily pounded up stairs.

"Mitsy didn't know," the house elf squeaked from the corner.

"Don't worry Mitsy, he isn't angry at you," I said stepping forward and peeking through the knothole on the door. The stranger had vanished, no trace of footsteps or anything. Definitely a wizard. The only trace of him ever standing there was a small white box tied with red ribbon, getting drenched. Slowly I opened the door, waiting for something to jump out at me, waiting for the man to reappear, but when nothing happened I gently reached out and picked the package up.

There was a small card that I lifted off and read.

_TO: Cassiopeia Severin Black _

_On your sixteenth birthday you hold the right to know about your mother's past, and by bloodline your own. Don't take this story for more then it is, it is not your mother's past, it is my own, however it contains my fondest memories of her, in addition to several that are not so fond. _

_Happy birthday_

_FROM: The Half-Blood Prince, your unofficial godfather_

This card meant the package was for me, this card meant that man knew my mother. It was too late to go searching for him now, but I tentatively took the gift up to my room and unwrapped it.

It was the most beautiful golden notebook I had ever seen. The pages were wrinkled and much faded. On the cover was a very curvy and girly handwriting: the memoir of the Hal-Blood Prince, dedicated to his Pureblood Princess, and her beautiful daughter.

It didn't bug me that Draco had called this man a murderer; it didn't bug me that he had seemed so cross and unstable. It didn't even bug me that he had somehow known my first, middle, and amazingly enough, last name. Even Draco called me by my mother's last name. All that mattered was that he knew my mother, and hopefully my father as well.

So I picked up the journal and began to read its pages.

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Sorry, the first chapter is kind of confusing, but it makes more sense as Snape's story goes on. Oh, and if you have read my "Dairies of RAB" because this is like the other half of that story. It's not really a prequel or a sequel, it's just the other half, because both of them make sense on their own, they are just part of the same story. But I did try to make them very different. Because different people remember different things about their past. 


	2. A New Slytherin

Yep, I'm going to put songs with every chapter that I think go with the chapter. I don't really know why, maybe because I like it when people do this because it gives me a chance to hear new music. Also the first chapter is a bit emo, but it's Snape life, and it isn't all that way.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter one- A New Slytherin

Song: Welcome to My Life - By Simple Plan

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I could start this story with my birth, January ninth of the year 1958, but that doesn't seem right. It was raining that night; the world knew that nothing good would come of me. It was crying that it now had to bear my presence; at least that's how I thought of it. Tears of pain, oh I knew much about that, and I sympathize with the world.

My first spell was a curse, a simple one, meant only for self-protection. Story of my life. I hid away from the world mostly. I lived in between the two worlds, muggle and wizard. My father said I was barely a muggle, usually followed by a flying object thrown at my head. My mother said I could try to be a wizard, usually followed by a slow gulp of her poppy potions. I tired, hard, and since I had no one to teach me spells I made up my own, I picked up the hobby quiet easily, it was all in my head, I could control everything around me, it was wonderful, no, it was magic. I enjoyed potions as well, not as much as creating my own power, but I enjoyed mixing the ingredients hidden in my mother's medicine cabinet and studying the effects on insects, and occasionally the neighbor's cat. I didn't like cats.

You see when I was very small, no older then seven; I learned I had a gift, a quirk, a talent, a curse. I could peer, only momentarily, into the minds of those surrounding me. I told no one of this thing, for I didn't know how anyone would react. I found this gift helpful when testing my potions for I could see into the minds of the bugs I fed it to and watch the effects take place. Sometimes I didn't need this gift, such as the time I turned the neighbor's cat purple. I later found that this thing, seeing into surrounding minds, had it's limits, and I learned even later from my dark arts teacher that it was not common, but a gift non the less. It was called Legilimency and made me all the more powerful.

Eventually I got my letter that invited me to hogwarts and no one was more surprised then me. And the most shocking part was when I was sorted into Slytherin, a house for the pure of blood, and the cunning in nature. I lied to all my new friends and told them I hadn't a drop of muggle blood in me, I finally had friends, I didn't want to give them up.

But no, I think I will start the story when I met her. The girl who brought all the adventure, trouble, feelings, and tears in my life, and stranger yet, the joy. I'll start the story with the day I met Reggie.

It was the first day back from summer break and I was sitting quietly at my table of friends as they told stories of their summer. As usual I sat quietly feeling all alone at a full table. They all had interesting antidotes to tell of their summers, but all I had as proof that my summer had ever happened was a couple bruises and the elapsed time. I hadn't gotten any taller like Bellatrix, my voice hadn't changed like Malfoy, and I certainly didn't look twelve like the rest of them.

I was scanning the crowd of first years. Could it be that any of them were like me last year, lost and hopeless, finding their true home, and a piece of their true happiness. As my eyes fell on the jittery first years I couldn't help but notice this one child. She wasn't beautiful, she was rather forgettable, but I couldn't look away, and I didn't know why. I know now it was fate.

She wasn't attention grabbing, except for my attention. She was chatting away to the boy next to her, who looked about ready to pull out an unforgivable curse, just to make her stop. She didn't seem to notice however and went right on talking nonstop. Her startlingly green eyes darted this way and that as she tried to take in everything at one. I remembered that feeling, like this was where I finally belonged, and there was just too much to memorize all at once. She pushed back a strand of her ginger hair, the kind of hair that got darker every year, as the boy next to her was called to the sorting hat and she had to find someone else to talk to.

"Snape!" Malfoy growled. He had asked me a question and now the whole table was waiting for an answer.

"Yes?" I guessed which caused Malfoy and Avery to snigger while Bella glared daggers at me.

"Patricia Parkinson!" the professor yelled out and we all turned to watch a small beautiful blonde, who was only eleven, but already completely… developed. This caused Malfoy and Avery to laugh and make obscene comments while Bella, who had mastered lip reading, or I thought it was lip reading at the time, turns out she had the power of Legilimency too, was attempting to see what the sorting hat was saying about this girl.

"Slytherin!" the hat called out and Patricia bounded over to our table.

"Half-blood," Bella whispered to Malfoy, who snorted.

"Regina Berlinson!" the hat yelled and the perky witch I had noticed before bounded up to the hat. It seemed to take longer for her to be sorted, and Bella listened in on every private word that was spoken.

"Slytherin!" the hat yelled and the girl looked around and slowly headed over to our table.

"Pureblood, but she didn't want to be in Slytherin, it was in her bloodline though," Bella mumbled angrily.

"Well, lets see if we can change that," Malfoy said, nudging the kid next to him to move down. And as the new girl sat down at our table he put his arm around her.

I waved my wand around under the table in the right movements to hear her thoughts.

She was a different one. Her thoughts didn't come in sentences like most, or even pictures like others. Instead of hearing her thoughts I felt her emotions. I had only come across one mind like this before, and that one mind had belonged to the only nice person I had ever met.

I felt her emotions more strongly then I had ever felt before, for a moment it was as if I were her. I felt her joy at being a witch, at getting in touch with something from her past. I felt her nervousness at making friends with people when she had never been accepted before, boy did I know that feeling. But strongest of all was pure fear. My first instinct was to think that someone had told her what us Slytherins were like, but the fear had to have gone deeper then that, it did go deeper then that.

"I'm Malfoy," my friend said introducing himself to her. "This is Bellatrix, and Avery. Oh, and that greasy one over there is Snape."

I gave her a small smile and a wave that appeared comedic to the others, but to her it melted some of the fear away.

Malfoy's voice snapped me out of her mind. There was something addictive about it. I knew from the moment I felt her fear that there was something about her, something that would change my life. More then I could possibly guess at the moment.

The girl smiled at me, a small week smile. She was scared stiff, and even though Malfoy was touching her he couldn't see this. I felt sympathy towards the girl; I had been in her shoes once.

"So, what about you, what's your name?" I said, trying to get her to do more then nod. Of course we already knew it, but I don't think it would have made her feel any better to know Bella had been reading her lips a little while back.

"Regina," she squeaked out, squirming under Malfoy's arm.

"Regina what?"

"Does it matter," she said pushing Malfoy's arm off her shoulder so she could reach some of the food.

"Yes, we normally go by last names here," Malfoy said entering the conversation.

"Yes, I thought Snape was a funny name," she mumbled, now ducking away as Malfoy tried to return his arm to her shoulder. My heart almost skipped a beat that it was my name she had chosen to remember.

"Well, my last name is Berlinson, and I don't like to be touched," she snapped at Malfoy who had not given up on putting his arm around her.

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okay, my first chapter by Snape. 


	3. Sevy

**Well, my third chapter today! I hope I can get all these posted before the seventh book comes out and proves all of this wrong. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**Chapter two- Sevy **

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I poured over my book by the light of the lamplight. It was Friday, and I couldn't work with Goyle's snores and Malfoy's constant sleep talking. He was amazingly self-assured.

That and Avery was still awake reading a magazine, and I didn't like to work in public. I knew creating my own spells was weird, and the boys wouldn't accept it, but I couldn't stop. With it came an adrenaline, a power that helped me get though my miserable days of school, and prepared me for my miserable days outside of school.

There was a small shuffling behind me and I slammed my notebook shut so fast that papers went flying. I must have looked like the biggest nerd in the world in front of the small copper haired girl as I groped for my papers and spun around in circles trying to ketch them before I reached the ground. When I had them all back in my hands I settled down in my chair and tried to regain some cool.

"Someone's doing something he's not supposed to," she said, a small wicked smile creeping across her face. This girl could have passed for eight years old; you would have never known she was eleven.

"No, you just startled me that's all," I lied.

"Then why did you try to hide the papers?" she asked cocking an eyebrow.

"Listen, what I'm doing is perfectly… allowed." I had started to say normal, but I knew it wasn't. "So if you don't mind I would like to get back to work… alone. It's really none of your business what I'm doing anyway," I snapped, never the master of people skills.

Then she did something I had never expected. A tear trickled out of her eye, she was crying.

"No, I didn't mean it that way, I'm sorry. Please don't cry," I pleaded with her, wrapping her in a hug before I could register what I was doing. For one she had made a point at dinner of not being touched, and I had never really been one for giving out hugs. I was never the angel of good cheer.

Ever.

"It's just that everyone here is so… ghastly!" she said through her tears.

I slowly helped her into the big chair I normally occupied at night with every intention of sitting on the couch across from her, but she pulled me down almost in her lap. "That's only because you had the misfortune of meeting the Slytherins first. I'm sure you'll make friends once you meet the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs."

I didn't even know where these words were coming from now. How could I assure her that she would be successful at something I had so miserably failed at? But the words came, and I meant them as well, because this girl was different then every one else. She had accessed another person inside of me.

"How do you know?" she sniffled at me.

"I don't."

There was a silence where I pulled myself out of the chair, not cause I was uncomfortable being that close to her, I actually enjoyed it, but she was so small I was worried I would be crushing her.

"So what were you doing?" she asked, drying her eyes.

"What were you doing?" I countered.

"I was thirsty, and that Patricia girl was being just beastly. So I thought I'd get a drink of water, and maybe a toad to put in her bed," she said cracking a smile.

That's why I liked this girl so much, for now she seemed like me, for now she was a younger, female (yet not as feminine) version of myself.

"Ok, that's seems fair. I was… I was writing my own spells," I said bracing myself for her to call me weird and run away. Run like the rest of those miserable bastards.

"Cool! Can I see?" she said standing up out of her chair and advancing on me. The old Snape would have flinched away, he would have cowered that someone was swiftly advancing on him. Unfortunately so did the new Snape.

"What's wrong? She asked, touching my arm as I flinched away.

"Family issues," I muttered, understatement of the year. But she seemed to understand because she sat down next to me and looked perplexed.

"What, you're looking at me funny?" I said.

"Suzie says that kids who have been abused are like little lost puppies that just need hugs and a good family. But you don't seem very much like a puppy at all. You're more like a…"

"Angry big dog? Vulture? Rabid raccoon?" I guessed.

"Normal," she said.

This girl seriously needed to rethink her definition of normal. Just then a blonde girl stuck her head out of the girls dorms. And called down to Regina, that it was time for bed.

"Good night Regina!" I called after her.

"Good night… I'm sorry, I only know you last name," she blushed.

"Severus, Severus Snape," I said.

"Good night Sevy!" she whispered before turning up the steps.

I cringed at the cutesy nickname she had given me, unfortunately for me it stuck.


	4. A Happy Home

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter **

**Chapter three- A Happy Home? **

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That night kind of bonded Regina and me together. There was only one year age difference between her and me but sometimes I felt like there were millions.

Maybe it was because she was so small for her age, or maybe it was because she talked so quietly yet quickly so I had to listen hard to catch her words. But I think it was because she was bringing out a whole new person in me, a person that I didn't see eye to eye with.

This was a guy who spent time thinking about the perfect gift for his friend's birthday. This was a guy that listened to every word his friend said and then was later able to recall every word of it while he was dreaming. But most importantly this was a guy who was failing to keep his promise that he would never fall in love.

Maybe it wasn't just Regina's fault. I was thirteen now, and that meant I was a teenager. That might have had something to do with it, but part of it was still her fault. The worst part of this new guy was however that he didn't mind being this guy that was devouring his bitter and cautious side. Leaving him slightly cheerful, although a bit sarcastic, and totally gullible. I didn't mind all this.

I found that this in itself was proof that Regina was a powerful witch.

When summer came it was hard to say goodbye. I had finally made my first friend, and now I had to leave them. Going home wasn't going to be easy. I had built up my bitterness and rage for a reason, and now that it was gone going home would be like going into battle armed with a long pink flower.

I sat down on the train and pulled my luggage into a cabin and pulled the doors closed. With a flick of the wrist I turned all walls around me into one-way glass and with another flick I locked the door. This was my favorite cabin, and I enjoyed being able to watch those around me as they bustled through. On one side was Malfoy's cabin with all his lackeys and the two girls that followed him around.

On the other side was a cabin full of girls getting out of their robes and dressing back in their normal clothes. Part of me wanted to watch them, the part that had grown up around Malfoy and my father, but the 'new' me, well he was swiftly devouring the old me, and the new me was full of respect for Reggie.

Since the door was locked I took the opportunity to change out of my robes myself and into a pair of jeans and a black sweater that didn't fit the same as it had when I had first come to Hogwarts this year.

"Alohomora," I herd a small voice whisper out side my cabin door.

I herd the door slowly creak open and I quickly tired to pull my sweater over my head, unfortunately my head got stuck in the arm, I pulled too hard, lost my balance and fell into the cabin wall.

Regina chuckled and slammed the door shut. I herd her whisper the locking charm and then light poured back into my eyes as she lifted the sweater off my head and helped me put it on right, all while we sat in the corner of the cabin. I was destined to look like a fool in front of Regina.

"You're such a nerd," she said.

"I'm the coolest nerd you've ever met," I said standing up.

"Your foot is sticking out of the hole in your knee," she warned me as I tripped and fell.

"I'm such a nerd," I complained.

"That's okay, your just nervous about going home," she said as she pulled me to my feet. I hadn't even needed to tell her what was upsetting me. Regina was my first friend, I don't know if that was it, or if it was fate, but we had a connection. I understood her even better then she understood me.

"You know you don't have to go home," she said playing with the gold locket around her neck as I tried to pull my pants on properly without her seeing any skin. It was hard and I fell over at least two more times, making her laugh, but for the fist time someone was laughing with me, not at me.

"Where would I go if I didn't?" I said after I had finally struggled into my pants.

"Well, I've been meaning to ask for months. My parents have invited you to stay with us and I already told them you were coming. You don't have to or anything, but I thought you might appreciate my home more then yours."

I was dumbfounded. No one had ever invited me to stray with them. No one had even wanted me to stay with them. I was worried about leaving my mother alone for a year, but I knew she would want me to go with Regina.

"Sure, I'd love to," but that was all I could say to her as night fell outside.

I woke up six hours later when the train pulled into the station. It was light outside again. I wanted to get up and use the bathroom, but Regina had fallen asleep with her small arms wrapped around my shoulders. Part of me wanted it to be her hugging me; the other part told the first part that it was just her using me as a pillow.

"Are we here?" her sleepy voice asked

"Yes," I said stroking her hair, I wasn't quiet sure why, it just seemed like something the new Snape would do.

In a flash she was up and moving around the cabin, getting out her luggage and getting dressed so she looked presentable. Like I had said before, she wasn't beautiful, she wasn't hideous, she was perfectly forgettable, but I couldn't help but watch as she brushed out her frizzy copper hair and applied what I assumed was chap stick to her lips.

"What's the hurry?" I asked as I pulled down my luggage, starting to wonder if my own ripped jeans and sweater were presentable since she was now pulling on a blue sundress over her dark tights that she had been wearing like spandex pants.

"The hurry is my family! They are all waiting out there for me, I haven't seen them in forever!"

"Was your family happy or something?" I asked. I never remembered looking forward to home this much, and sure I had always seen parents at the train stop, but it had never occurred to me that they were waiting for their kids.

"Of course," she said as she pushed her luggage threw the door, "you're going to love them. They are going to love you!"

I let myself be dragged down the corridor as she leaped out of the train pulling me behind her. She looked around the platform but I watched her face fall as she didn't find what she was looking for.

"They're not here!" she moaned as she turned her face into my chest. She hit me with enough force that I had to work hard to keep my balance but I wrapped her in my arms and searched for something that she might have missed. There was nothing obvious, no one with the same copper hair and quiet a few people with green eyes, but that was common in wizards.

That's when I got the idea. I pulled out my wand and while still holding a distressed Regina in my arms I waved my hand and the thoughts from everyone around me poured in. no luck. There were parents thinking about there children's first steps in beautiful pictures, and other parents thinking the same line: _they are growing up so fast!_

But then I found what I was looking for, there were emotions pouring into my head. Excitement. His sister was coming home. Relief that she had survived without him. Now all I had to do was find the source, and aha! I found the little boy.

He, like Regina, was small, so he had to jump just to see over the heads of people, which must have been why Regina missed him. He was obviously a muggle, which struck me as odd since Regina was pure blood, the sorting hart didn't make mistakes. The only way I could tell he was a muggle was the look in his eyes, the fascination with everything magic he could catch as it walked by, as if he were taking mental pictures, well that and he was holding a 'welcome home Reggie' sign which wizards didn't often do.

I slowly turned her away from my shoulder to face the small bouncing brunette, and watched her face light up with joy.

"Georgie!" she screeched as she ran across the platform tugging me behind her and our luggage following behind me.

"This is Georgie," she said as she embraced her brother, "Georgie, this is Sevy!"

I gave him a nod, suddenly shy. What if they didn't like me? Why did this matter? I had never cared about people liking me before.

"The others are on the other side of the platform. They didn't want to seem mad when running into a wall," Georgie said with a bright smile

"I knew they would come!" she yelled pulling me and her brother along. For a small girl she was awfully strong.

Her family was absolutely perfect, a loving mother that was the perfect image of a 1950's muggle mother, her dad was a cheerful man who not only hugged his daughter but me as well, which made me a bit tense. And her three brothers were, well, I liked Georgie very much, unlike her other brothers, Jake and Ben. They seemed to give me evil glares the whole ride to their small home in the country.

Regina quickly showed me to the up stairs to her room witch was the perfect image of pink, it almost blinded me, for while I was learning to be less dark in nature the pink was almost blinding to someone like me. Then she showed me to the room I would be sharing with her brothers.

"I'm sure you'll all get along great!" she said, closing the door behind her as she left to go change into some cleaner clothes.

"You can share my bunk!" Georgie piped up

His brothers continued to glare.

"You thirteen?" one of them, it think it was Ben, growled.

"Yes, I am thirteen," I said, my knees shaking, and I didn't know why. I could kill this kid in at least twelve different ways that wouldn't have been detected by a muggle doctor.

"Why you messing around with our sister?" the other one growled

"Um… I don't understand the question?"

"He doesn't like you," Georgie said, as if this clarified it a bit.

"I got that, Georgie, thanks," I mumbled

"Leave our sister alone," Ben growled, he had blonde hair like his twin Jake, while Regina had copper, and Georgie had brown. They didn't look very closely related.

"I'm not hurting your sister. She's my friend," I said, it was the first time I had ever called someone my friend.

"She had a boyfriend once," Jake began to tell a story, probably something Regina wouldn't want me to hear, but I stopped him.

"I'm not her boyfriend, just a friend. That's all. She's in my house at school."

The two older boys fixed me with appraising glares as they turned back to their beds.

"Let me show you the trampoline!" Georgie said as he pulled me out of the room. I had passed inspection.

* * *

Well, once again I have managed to make Snape look human. Oh, and thanks to my art teacher for the flower in a battlefield image.


	5. Don’t Upset the Trolley Pusher

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter **

**Chapter four- Don't Upset the Trolley Pusher **

* * *

"Isn't this great?" Regina asked as we lay on our stomachs staring up at the sky from the top of her trampoline.

"What?" I asked, not knowing what she meant.

"This, all of this," she said waving her arms around her.

"Yeah, I guess. You have a great family."

"No, this! Just everything that has happened this year. I'm a witch, not just weird, and I finally have friends," she said smiling up at me.

Just then my watch went off, indicating that it was midnight.

"Blow out the candles," I said smiling, indicating her cake.

"First I have to make a wish!" she lectured me. It took her a moment, but when she finally blew them out she turned over on her back to stare at the stars with a smile on her face.

"What did you wish for?" I asked, forgetting the rule about how you can't tell anyone or your wish wouldn't come true.

"I wished that we would be friends forever, until the day that I die," she said tracing constellations with the tip of her fingers.

"Oh, well that was going to happen anyway," I said rolling over to watch the night sky with her. "We will be friends till we're old and grey and can't even remember our own names."

Little did I know that Regina would die twice in her life, and neither would be when she was old and grey. But I didn't know that at the time, so it was easy to imagine a fairytale ending for Regina and me. Little did I know fairytale endings hardly ever happen.

"That's a pretty star over there, what's it called?" she asked knowing how much more I knew about astronomy then her.

"That would be Sirius the Dog Star, with an interesting story behind it," I said launching into the story, not knowing I would be telling this story many times in the future.

Summer flew by; I got along with all her family, and had a great summer with Reggie. The first great summer I had ever had. When it was time to go back to school I almost didn't want to, even though going back to school had been my favorite time of year every other school year.

"I don't feel twelve," Reggie said as we took seats next to each other on the train, "Do I look any different?"

"Not much, you're getting a bit taller though," I said with a smile. The train smelled of candy and the distinct smell of magic. It was like music I could smell. And I could see it was making Reggie happier too.

"Berlinson, Snape, how were your summers?" Malfoy asked, entering the cabin with his arm around Bellatrix who looked like she was about to burst with joy.

"Great, I'm twelve now!" Reggie said cheerfully.

"Cool, I'm fourteen," Malfoy said with a smile, always one to have to be better.

"Well, what about you Snape?" Bella asked as she put away her luggage and beckoned for two second year girls to enter the train cabin. I recognized them as Reggie's roommates, Narcissa and Patricia.

"It was fun, I managed to not kill anyone, which was good. How about yours?" I asked, knowing that was what she had been waiting for.

"Oh I got a boyfriend, that's all," she said, resting her head on Malfoy's shoulder as her little sister Narcissa made gagging faces.

Malfoy opened his mouth to say something I presume would have been sarcastic, but there was a large crashing noise from the hallway that made us all stand up and rush out the door.

There, in the center of attention for the fist time, but not the last, were four third year boys. Two of them had dark hair, one was blonde, and one had blue, I imagine a side effect from a rather uncomfortable curse. They had managed to blow up half of the candy trolley with a firecracker, and were now being chased around the train by a rather angry trolley pusher. It was a comedic sight and several students were laughing, in fact the only ones not laughing were Bellatrix, Narcissa, and I. Regina was in hysterics as the overweight middle-aged woman tried to tackle the four boys who dodged out of the way at the last moment, but something about them made me not want to laugh. I couldn't quite place the feeling, but it closely resembled loathing.

Now Reggie had taught me that summer that there was such a thing as chemistry. Where two people just flowed together without even speaking or talking you just knew you would make great friends. Reggie and me had this, but I reason that if there is such a thing as chemistry between people there must be something that is the exact opposite. Like an anti-chemistry of sorts. Without speaking to these four boys I just knew I hated them, and I was almost positive when the boy with dark hair and glasses paused to stair at me, that he felt the same anti-chemistry force that propelled me to hate him without even knowing his name.

Eventually the prefects came and ushered us away from the boys, who were given a detention before school had even started and sent back to their cabins.

"That was hilarious," Reggie said once we were all back in our cabin.

"That was kick ass!" Malfoy commented.

"That was hot!" Patricia said.

"That was juvenile!" Bella spat.

"It was horrendous!" Narcissa muttered.

I kept my mouth shut not wanting to offend Reggie or Malfoy, but I had to agree with Bella and her sister.

"Well, the one with dark hair, the long dark hair I mean, not the one with glasses, he was pretty cute," Reggie said with a smile.

"He was not!" Bella and Narcissa roared in unison. I would find out later that he was their cousin.

Again I kept quiet, but I tentatively stroked my own long dark hair.

And it was at that moment that I realized how much trouble those boys would cause me. Call it a feeling if you will, but most of my feelings were right, and this one was no exception.

* * *

**Well, that's the first of the marauders, 'cause I don't think I could have a Harry Potter fanfiction without at least one of them. This is their first appearance, but defiantly not their last. I felt bad because I really played up the good side of Sirius in Reggie's story, so I thought I would play him down in Snape's.**


	6. Welcome to Hell

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter **

**Chapter five- Welcome to Hell **

* * *

"We have dark arts with Gryffindors," Malfoy bitched at breakfast as we passed around our schedule.

"Hey! I made it into advance dark arts with you guys!" Reggie cheered. I was amazed at this, since Reggie wasn't a very good student, but I would do my best to help her stay in my class, if only for selfish reasons, I would still try to help.

"Well, we better be off," Bella said, grabbing her bag and heading down the hall.

"Oh, shoot! I left my stuff in my dorm, I'll have to go get it," Reggie said springing up and running towards the hall.

"I'll come with you," I said, more eager to spend time with her then the newly established couple, Malfoy and Bellatrix.

"You don't have to, you'll be late," she said, I could tell she wanted me to come though.

"No, it's fine. I've never been late before, so long as it doesn't happen again I'll be fine," I assured her.

"Okay," she mumbled.

I waited in the common room for her to get her things out of her dorm, and couldn't help but smile as she came flying down the stairs. She had opted to not wear her uniform today, instead she wore jeans and a blue t-shirt under her robes, but the t-shirt wasn't fitting as well as it should. She was growing up, and I hated to say it, but little Reggie was getting taller then me.

"Sorry it took so long," she said as she stuffed everything into a bag and hurried into the halls as the bell rang.

"That's okay," I said noticing she had dropped half of her stuff. I bent down and picked it up. She continued to hurry down the halls, but I took my time. She had dropped a sketchbook and a couple of papers; one was for the quidditch tryouts. Had Reggie even herd of quidditch before she saw this flyer?

I stuffed the things in my bag, since she wouldn't be needing them for Dark Arts and hurried to catch up to her outside the door of the dark arts room.

We slowly entered the room together, and the teacher turned her attention to us, stopping in mid lesson so the class was forced to stair at us as well.

"Well lets see here," Mrs. Glenda, the Dark Arts teacher said, "Miss Berlinson, if you could please take a seat next to Mister Potter, and Mister Snape, if you could please take a seat next to Mister Black."

"No!" Mister Black, one of the boys from the train called out.

"I'm sorry, Sirius, do you have a problem with Severus?" Mrs. Glenda asked.

"No sir!" Sirius said, with a smile on his lips and a couple of chuckles coming from the rest of the class.

"What did you call me?" Mrs. Glenda said, almost as if she didn't care.

"I'm sorry ma'am, the mustache must have thrown me off," the boy said smoothly. I could see Reggie and the boy with glasses laughing at this remark.

"Detention after school, now if you would please take your seats!" Mrs. Glenda yelled as the Sirius boy leaned back in his chair.

"Welcome to hell, I just know your going to love it here!" the boy whispered as I took my seat next to his. "She your girlfriend?" he asked, pointing toward Reggie with his foot now propped up on the desk.

"No," I muttered, loathing this boy even though I just met him.

"Good," Sirius said with a sly smile as his chair slammed on the floor. He made a muggle hand gesture to the boy with glasses. I didn't know more then one rude muggle hand signal, but judging from the look on this boy's face this one was pretty obscene. The boy with glasses saw what the boy had been intending for him to see, and smiled. Without another word to Sirius, Mr. Potter turned to Regina and started saying something. I made a mental note to ask Reggie about the hand motion.

I made it though the class, but just barely, making sure that I got there early tomorrow and didn't have to sit next to Sirius, or Potter.

I skipped lunch in the great hall that day, and opted to eat by the lake. Reggie said she would have joined me but she was busy with Cissy (Narcissa) so I ate alone. It didn't matter much to me.

I looked through Reggie's sketchbook. She was a great artist, and most of her pictures were of me, which made me feel special till I got to the last page. In it was a picture of the scene from the train, with the boys I didn't like. She had labeled it 'trolley madness' and then put the names of the boys as she could have gathered them from the others. There was James, Sirius, Lupin, and Pettigrew. Apparently no one know Lupin and Pettigrew's first names, either that or those were their first names and their parents had just hated them very much. I wasn't judging, I mean what kind of name is Severus, and add that to Snape, and I could conclude my parents had wanted kids to throw rocks at me.

"What are you looking at?" Reggie said sitting down next to me.

"Sorry," I mumbled, handing her sketchbook back to her.

"For what? Did you like the pictures?"

"Yes, well most of them."

"I'm thinking of trying out for quidditch, you wouldn't have happened to see the information flyer would you?" she asked slyly.

I slowly pulled it out of my bag and handed it over. "Do you even know what quidditch is?"

"Not really, but I'm good at baseball, so I thought I could be a beater, and Malfoy said he would help train me. Will you try out with me?"

"I don't know…"

She squeezed my hand. "Just for courage Sevy, I feel I can do better if you're there. I'm never nervous when you're around."

"How about I go and cheer you on. I'm not one for heights, and while I would love to say the same about you I think I would be scared of heights whether you were there or not."

"Ok, but you have to promise me!" she insisted.

"Of course I promise to be there for you."


	7. I Wish for a Pony

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

Chapter six- I wish for a pony

Song: Everything You Want – Vertical Horizon

* * *

"And the last team member, our last beater is… Berlinson!" Malfoy called out. I stood up and whistled while the rest of the team cheered her on. She blushed, but stepped forward, proud to be the center of attention. She was growing up in front of my eyes. No longer the little passive aggressive girl I had once met. She had gained confidence, and height. She was still small because she probably wouldn't grow much after this year, but she was taller then most of the girls her age.

I smiled fondly thinking back to the little copper haired girl with green eyes that had been so forgettable and hated attention on her. That was changing, and I was changing with her. Ok, I still wasn't very confident, but I was getting better at things like that by the day.

"I made it!" she screamed running over to me

"You sure did!" I said giving her a hug. She was warm and bouncing with energy. I couldn't help but be happy with her in my arms; I couldn't help but feel as if I were in a fairytale.

I could see the Gryffindor team sitting on the bleachers watching our tryouts. Of course Sirius and Lupin and Pettigrew were there too, but James was their leader, clearly. He made faces at me, and more obscene muggle hand gestures that I now understood, and just to be nice I returned his kindness by flipping him one back.

That made them laugh and whisper among each other.

Then my worst fear happened. Sirius left the huddle, ran his hand through his messy hair and headed over towards Regina and me.

"Good job," he said extending his hand to her. "I'm sure you'll make this team a lot better, certainly a lot sexier."

And then he pulled her into a kiss. I would have stopped it, but I was frozen, with rage, or something close to it. Luckily I didn't have to. Regina, bless her soul, pulled away and slapped him in the face. Hard. It left a mark where her hand had been and he proceeded to mutter a string of both wizard and muggle obscenities.

Then Regina made me proud and yelled some of her own obscenities back. Sirius's jaw dropped.

"I think I love you," he said with a smile, and because of that she slapped him again and was met with cheers from both quidditch teams.

I waited for Sirius to scamper away and lifted Regina onto my shoulders, and carried her into the crowd. Where she was met with loud applause from our team and everyone congratulated her. I wasn't sure if it was on making the team or slapping Sirius, but I was proud of her either way, although I would have preferred she slapped James.

The months seemed to fly by, our quidditch team winning every time, I was extremely happy when one of the bludgers accidentally flew into the crowds and would have broken Sirius's skull if he hadn't have pushed Peter in front of him. Peter was in the hospital wing with a broken arm for three weeks.

It was times like these that I regretted making a friend, specifically a friend with conscience.

I sat in the hospital wing. James and Sirius one on each side of me. We were making faces at each other as several thirteen-year-olds do when they don't get along. Lupin sat across from us reading a book, fresh bandages covering his nose and left leg.

"I'm so sorry Peter, I wasn't aiming at you," Reggie said handing him a bunch of daisies. She had asked me to get roses for her and had been extremely mad when I brought back man-eating roses, thus the reason she was now holding daisies.

"Aw, that's okay Regina, I know you wouldn't have done it on purpose," he said taking the daisies.

"Yes, it's not like she would ever try to crack someone's skull or anything," Sirius shot from next to me, rather angry.

Reggie sighed, "Anyway Pete, I have to be leaving I had something I was doing earlier, but I just wanted to make sure you're ok. I would hate for you to be miserable, if there's anything I can do for you…"

"Don't call him Pete!" James muttered.

"No, Regina, I'll be fine, thanks for stopping by," Peter said.

"Can we go now?" I asked.

"Yes, can he go now?" James asked.

I made another face and followed Reggie out of the room.

"Today has just been the worst," I mumbled.

"What do you mean, I thought it was a particularly good day?"

"Well, for starters no one remembered…" I began but was cut off.

"Aw, Sevy I'd love to hear what you have to say, but I was being totally honest with Peter, I have something to be doing," and with that she shot off down the hall her reddish brown hair trailing behind her like a silky curtain.

"…My birthday," I finished, but she was too far away to hear me now.

I stopped to watch the January snowfall freshly on the ground. Tomorrow's game was going to be hard with the snow showing no sign of stopping. I wandered down the hall towards the library. It was dark tonight, and I stayed there for a bit, a book in my lap, but hadn't read a single page. Occasionally I would flip a page to make it look like I was reading, instead I was trying my hardest not to care that every one had forgotten my birthday. I bet no one forgot James's birthday.

I was fourteen today, and that was a big birthday, I guess it wasn't everyone else's fault they had forgotten. I hadn't grown an inch since first year; I hadn't woken up with a deeper voice. I still looked eleven. Suddenly a sound broke through my emo thoughts. The school bell was chiming eleven, and I should have been alone in the library, but I wasn't. There was one other person. At first I thought it was Regina reading a book, but this girl's hair was just a bit too red, her skin a bit too pale. But her eyes were the perfect shade of green. Why had a never noticed a girl that looked so much like Regina in this school before?

I coughed and stood up. She looked away from her book and I could see the Gryffindor tie around her neck. That's when I realized who she was, and I was startled. After I had put my book back I headed over and sat down next to her.

"You're Lily Evens right?" I asked.

"Yes, do I know you?" she asked in a strong voice.

"Probably not, I'm Severus…"

"Snape? Right? I've herd so much about you…"

"You shouldn't believe everything you hear."

"I don't. Why are you hear so late?"

"Studying," I lied.

"Me too," she said with a smile.

"Snape!" I herd his voice before I saw him.

"I've got to go," I said quickly.

"She caught my arm, "Don't be scared of him, he's just a bully."

"All the same I would prefer not get my face pounded in," I said pulling away.

"Did that greasy git bug you?" I heard James ask as I hid behind the bookshelf.

"No more then you're bugging me now," she said, her voice losing its warmth as she stomped out of the library. He followed and after that I left heading back to my dungeon dorm. It was late and I was ready to fall asleep, everyone else in my dorm had. Malfoy sleep talking, Goyle snoring like a pig, and Avery tossing in his sleep.

I collapsed and there was a loud crinkly noise as my head collided with a piece of paper. I picked up the note and read it.

Come to the astronomy tower

I yawned but decided that I could afford to lose a bit more sleep and wearily climbed the stairs, expecting to find a dead body or someone waiting to turn me into a dead body, why else would I be going to the astronomy tower after dark. The strangest part was I didn't care, maybe it was cause today sucked, or maybe I was just tired, but I continued up the stairs and pushed open the door.

There sat Regina, looking up at the stars, next to her was the ugliest cake I had ever seen. It was lopsided, tilting to the left with multicolored frosting smeared all over it. She could have magically made the perfect cake, but somehow the fact that this was an ugly homemade cake meant more to me then if it had been a beautiful magical one.

"I didn't forget," she whispered as I walked into the room, suddenly wide-awake and beaming.

"Is this what you were doing?" I asked as I sat down next to the ugly cake.

"Yes, I'm sorry it looks awful, but I tried."

"It's beautiful," I said taking a bite and fighting hard not to spit it out. It didn't just look awful. But it was the thought that counted right?

"Make a wish," she said waving her hand over the cake and the candles erupted in flame.

"I already have my wish," I said, "you're here, you didn't forget, and you even made a cake."

"Oh stop being so sensitive and make a wish. It doesn't have to be deep. Oh! Wish for a pony!"

"I, Severus Snape, a fourteen-year-old boy, wish for a pony!" I declared as I blew out the candles and left us sitting in the starlight.

But in my mind I wished to be everything Reggie was. I wanted to be confident, carefree, and joyful. But at the same time I wished for Reggie. I wished that she would be happy all her life the way she was now, I wished she would never run out of her ambitious dreams, and I wished she would see how much I cared about her. I wonder why none of those wishes came true? 


	8. Snivellus

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter **

**Chapter seven- Snivellus **

**Song: The Anthem – Good Charlotte (it's more of a fight song then the lyrics fit the chapter, but the songs aren't easy to find, so it's good enough for me)**

* * *

"Get away from me!" she screamed from across the courtyard.

I looked up from my book, making Reggie mad.

"You supposed to be sitting still, I can't draw you if you're moving your head around!"

"What's James doing?" I asked looking over at Lily who was being harassed.

"Unless he is trying to draw you I don't care," she said pushing my head back down in the same position it had been before.

"I said leave me alone!" Lily said, witch caused James to continue his pestering and his group of minions to laugh.

"I'll be back," I said standing up and leaving Reggie sitting with an open mouth by the lake.

James didn't notice me coming, he continued to taunt Lily with lame pick up lines that were driving her insane.

"Leave her alone!" I said pulling out my wand.

A chorus of ooooooooos came from the crowd that had gathered to watch.

James snickered and walked forward, his own wand in his hand, Sirius stood up to follow James into what was sure to be a fight.

"What's your problem Snivellus?" James asked

"I don't like you picking on her, why do you need Sirius to stand up for you?" I shot back.

James looked over his shoulder at Sirius and motioned for him to back down, which he did, reluctantly.

"You don't honestly want to fight me, do you?" James asked laughing

"Sectusempra!" I yelled at the same time James yelled expelliarmus, and my wand went flying.

James charged, and lucky for me I knew how to fist fight to. The first time I had ever been grateful my dad had taught me something.

I lunged forward, fists flying along with James and soon we were on the ground wrestling, our wands had been completely forgotten.

Some animal force propelled me forward, and I was actually holding my own. I had never felt such an adrenaline rush as I punched at James. One minute I was winning the next he was. I felt something warm and wet trickle down my face. James was wearing a sharp ring.

The pain in my head now was worse then my anger. I wanted to hurt James now, badly. We rolled on the ground a bit more, punching and kicking, until I saw Sirius step forward clutching his wand. He muttered a curse and aimed the wand at my head. I had to time this just right.

I quickly rolled over, the spell hitting the ground where I had been before. I could have aimed t so the spell had hit James but that wouldn't have been fighting fair, and whether James was going to do it or not I would not stoop to their level. It was bad enough that I had split his lip open.

"STOP IT!" Lily yelled.

Everything stopped. The crowds cheers, the fighters, Sirius stopped with his wand aimed mid air.

"You," she said turning to James, "I've told you before to leave me alone, so do it, and you," she said, fixing her gaze on me now, "I don't need your help just because you're a boy. I can handle my own problems thank you very much!"

"You sure were doing a great job of it!" I herd Reggie's voice; she had come to watch the fight.

That made Lily made and she stormed off, an angry whirlwind of red hair and a short skirt.

"What a bitch," Sirius muttered.

"Hey!" James and I said at the same time.

My sudden outburst had caused James to turn to me now though.

"You have five seconds to start running," he said, and I knew he wasn't joking. Sirius was even clenching his teeth like a dog might when angered.

The fight had tired me out, so I leapt to my feet and ran back to the lake where I had been sitting before.

It wasn't till I fell down on the grass that I noticed Reggie beside me.

"She might not have appreciated that, but I did. It sure was brave of you," Reggie said, moving my head into her lap and pulling out her wand. It wasn't till a drop of blood fell on the ground that I realized what she was doing.

My chest swelled with pride. I was brave! Reggie thought I was brave!

She sewed up the gash on my head and we sat there for a while as she ran her fingers threw my hair.

I knew the fight had been my fault, I had started it, but I was thankful Reggie hadn't pointed it out. I didn't need that judgment right now. But she just sat there, stroking my hair as I breathed deeply, comforted by her presence. The possibility occurred to me for the first time that day that maybe I didn't just love Reggie as a friend; maybe it was more then that.

"You need a shower," she finally said, moving so my head was lying in the grass now. Well, that kind of ruined the moment.

* * *

**I'm a strong believer that there is a reason for everything Snape does, and I think this might be the reason he didn't want Lily helping when he got into a fight with James. Who knows, maybe Snape is evil and I am wrong, but I like to think he actually might have some human emotions.**


	9. A Gift for Potions

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter **

**Chapter eight- A Gift for Potions **

**Song: My immortal - Evanescence**

* * *

That summer I went back to my own house. I needed to give Reggie some space, and now that we were both teens her parents might not be too happy about her bringing a boy home with her. 

She still wrote a lot though, and I responded to every one. Sometimes she even sent pictures witch I proudly showed to my mother, who said that Reggie was a very pretty girl, but she found the pictures strange because they didn't move, and I'm not even sure that in her state of mind she could tell witch of the people in the pictures were Reggie. Still my mother enjoyed her job as mail interceptor and kept my father from learning I had friends.

Malfoy also wrote quite a bit that summer. He and Bella had broken up, so he was now, and these are his words, not my own, "playing the field." I wrote back to him too, but letters from Reggie were more looked forward to.

For her thirteenth birthday I sent her a Silver Arrow Broom, even though I wanted to buy a better one if was the best I could afford, even with some help from my mom, which was kind of dorky I admit but still. It would at least be better then the Shooting Star Broom she barrowed from the school for quidditch games.

She seemed to enjoy it because she sent me back pictures of not only her riding it, but also teaching Georgie to ride it. She wrote long stories about her summer and I sent her back questions I had, stories from Malfoy's summer, and if anything interesting ever happened to me I'd send her those stories too.

"Your friend sent you another letter," my mother said, taking a gulp of one of her homemade potions.

"Thanks, you can put it on the dresser," I said, concentrating hard on a fly perched on the windowsill. I was practicing my aim, shooting flies in my room; there were plenty of them. Small plies of the dead ones were collecting on the floor where I would sweep them outside tomorrow when I cleaned the rest of the house.

"I would open this one now," my mother persisted.

"Why?" I asked hardly interested.

"Just a feeling," she said placing it on the dresser and walking out of my small room.

I stood up kicking a pile of dirty clothes out of my way as I made my way over to the dresser. The top of my dresser had paint peeling away and I had to brush some of the stray pieces of paint off the letter before opening it, but when I came to the top to tear it opened it just flopped open as if it had never been closed.

My mother had read my mail!

But I wasn't angry for long. She was right, I shouldn't ignore this letter. It was from Reggie, reporting that Georgie was sick, and if he wasn't better in a couple months she wouldn't be coming back to Hogwarts for her third year. I couldn't believe it, not that her brother was sick, but that she would leave me. I know it was selfish, but I didn't want to loose Reggie. I packed a bag that night, not telling anyone. Sneaking out would be hard, my father didn't miss much. And this would just be another reason for him to start throwing things, so I kept quiet about my plans and waited for night to fall.

I tucked myself into bed that night my bag under my pillow, ready for the right time to leave. Unfortunately I would need a pretty big distraction to keep my dad from noticing I was gone.

At 10:00 my mother came into my room with a sad look in her eyes.

"Good night honey. I hope you'll be asleep soon because I sense a huge fight coming between me and your father around oh, lets say ten-thirty?" she kissed my forehead and turned to leave the room.

"Mom?" I called after her, "do you know something?"

"I know plenty of things," she said, winking before leaving my small room.

Sure enough my mother and father started yelling and throwing things at 10:29, and the noise was so loud I was able to open my window and climb out into the night. From here I found a bus to Reggie's address and got out in front of her home.

I wasn't sure how to proceed from here.

Did I just go up and ring the doorbell? Eventually I went around the back of the house and climbed up the deck until I was looking into Reggie's room. The lights were still on but she lay face down on her bed with her head in her hands. She was crying, something I had only seen her do once, something she had seemed too strong recently to do.

Without thinking I pried open the window, it was unlocked, I would have to warn her about this later, and headed over to her still form, as she lay there motionless.

I walked over to her bed and put my hand on her shoulder. She jumped at first because I had startled her, but when she saw it was me she wrapped me in her arms and pulled me close to her. She didn't say anything, she just cried, until eventually she fell asleep on her bed.

I silently tucked her in to bed and kissed her on the forehead. I sat there in her room for a while till I was sure she wouldn't wake up and then I snuck in to see Georgie.

His room had been cleaned out so that his bunk and his feverish body was all that was left in it. Ben and Jake had been moved to another room.

I slowly stepped over to his bed and sat down cross-legged on the floor next to his bed so my face was even with his.

"Who is it?" he asked.

"Severus," I responded.

"Oh," he said as if he understood, "Why are you here?"

"I heard you were very sick," I said.

"Oh. Am I going to die?"

"I don't know, maybe. Everyone dies eventually," I said, which wasn't something you normally said to a nine-year-old boy, but I couldn't bring myself to lie to him.

"Mom says I'll be fine. Dad says only time will tell. Ben and Jake both say that if I die I should start saying my prayers now," he said rolling over onto his back.

"And what does Reggie say?"

"She can't come see me. Mom says it's because she is very sick too, but Jake says it's because she is just too sad. Severus, what's wrong with me?"

"I don't know Georgie, I'm not a doctor," said shrugging.

"But you are magic. I thought magic could fix anything."

"Not everything Georgie, sometimes nothing can stop fate." And that's what it took. This small nine-year-old boy who was dieing. That's what it took to make me realize that magic wasn't the answer to everything. Sure I could create my own spells, and create what I felt was power, but was it really power if I couldn't save this boy? Had Reggie already tried to save him?

"I need to sleep now," Georgie said.

"Ok, sleep, and I promise Reggie will come see you in the morning."

"I would like that," he said as his voice trailed off into sleep.

I slowly pulled out my wand and waved it around, opening Georgie's mind up like a new book for me to read.

I expected to feel the emotions like I did with Reggie, and how I had found him when I first met him, and that's how it started out.

There was a deep sense of clam that had washed over him in his sleep, but a bit of panic too at the back of his subconscious that he wouldn't wake up, then something strange happened.

_Can he really make Reggie come? That would be magic!_

I was stumped had his mind just changed from emotions to words, and just when I had come to terms with that it changed again and I saw pictures.

He was reliving a memory of when he was little. Reggie was about nine and was pulling him down the street in a small red wagon. Ben and Jake chased after them wearing wizard hats and screaming things like abracadabra and hocus-pocus!

There was something wrong with his mind, that's why he was so sick, he was changing under what I assumed had been a magic spell or curse. That must be why the muggle doctors couldn't fix him.

"Sevy?" Reggie moaned from the other room.

"In here," called and watched her waddle into the room looking not at me but at her brother.

She slowly sat down in my lap and watched her brother sleep intently, no tears coming to her eyes. I stroked her back as she watched him, and we just sat there until the sun came up and Georgie woke up.

"Reggie?" he asked

"I'm here Georgie," she said grabbing his small hand in her own.

"Severus? You really are magic," Georgie said smiling at me.

I didn't know how to tell Reggie what I knew, but someone needed to or Georgie wouldn't get better. But I wasn't quite sure I trusted her with knowing I could read minds. She could take it all sorts of ways. The one I was most scared of was that she would think I was a freak, and I was, but she didn't need to know that until I was sure she wasn't going anywhere. The second one which was almost as bad as the first was that she would be offended I had been listening in on her brother's thoughts, and assume I had been doing the same to her, which I had, but again she didn't to know that. But the last was the option I was hoping for. She thought me writing my own spells was cool when everyone else didn't, maybe she would think this was cool too.

We were sitting by a lake in the woods behind her house and she was sketching a frog while I sat next to her, listening to her emotions. It was like a music that played in my mind.

She was trying to be clam, trying to look cool in front of me, but she was shaking, and I could see it, though I pretended not to. She was also frustrated, at several different things. The most superficial was her drawing. Since her hand was shaking she couldn't seem to get it right, but she was also frustrated with the doctors that were supposed to be treating Georgie, and sadly she was frustrated with Georgie for being sick in the first place. There was sadness deep down, that she her self couldn't fix him. Was she under the same impression that Georgie was? That magic could fix everything, because it couldn't. If it could I would have been a much happier child. But magic can't fix the important things.

"Stupid frog!" she finally screamed, scaring the creature away, she threw down her pencil and sketchbook. I felt bad; it had been my suggestion that she tried to do something normal. I sighed and pulled he into my arms as the sadness engulfed her mind once again. I didn't need to say anything; I just needed to be here. And that's when it happened.

_Why isn't he getting any better?_

I started, breaking the spell and closing out of her mind. She hadn't noticed and I continued to keep her in my arms, but I raised one hand to her forehead and she did feel a bit warm. If Georgie were dieing, then Reggie would be next.

"Shhh," I whispered, "this is important Reggie, what is something you and Georgie have in common?" I didn't need to read her emotions to see the anger flash in her eyes. Why was that important now?

"We both hate vegetables," she said the tears slowing and then she let out a very fake laugh. She was tired, and I was willing to bet that she hadn't gotten much sleep since Georgie fell ill.

"No, Reggie, something important."

She glared at me, and then hiccupped.

Please Reggie think hard, I wished, this was important.

"We are both adopted," she said.

Ok, that was a start. Now the next important thing was to get her to go back to sleep. I hated to do it, but this was something I wanted to do on my own, and Reggie really did need to rest. I told Suzie, her mother, that I thought Reggie was coming down with a fever. Well, that's all it took for Suzie to go flying around the house, and make sure Reggie was in bed and had most of the family in with her. I felt bad about doing this to Reggie, who didn't really went to be around people, but I was going to do this alone.

It didn't take long to find out which orphanage Reggie and Georgie had come from, and I also learned that Ben and Jake came from the same orphanage. Under this pile of adoption certificates was Reggie's acceptance letter to Hogwarts and a collage the kids had made for Suzie on mother's day of all their faces. I hadn't thought about it much, but comparing these younger pictures of Reggie to her now there were definite changes happening.

I took off alone for the orphanage with some spirit. I didn't know why I felt I had to do this for Reggie. Maybe it was because I had seen what a happy family she had and I didn't think Reggie could survive in an unhappy one. Whatever it was I found the orphanage and slipped inside the lobby.

"Excuse me sir, may I help you?" asked a nice middle-aged woman.

"Yes," I said waving my wand. She thought in sentences, which was great, exactly what I was hoping for.

"I was wondering if you had any pictures of Georgie Berlinson, for a gift I'm making for his family," I said, remembering the collage.

_Georgie? Hmmm, that doesn't seem familiar._

"I'm sorry sir, but most of our children are adopted when they are very young and given names by their adopted parents. I'm very sorry," she said turning to walk away.

_Berlinson, now that does seem familiar some how…_

"Ma'am, what about a Regina?"

The woman froze, and I had hit home.

"What about her?" the woman asked.

"Do you have any pictures of her?"

_What a strange little boy_ she thought _of course I remembered Regina. We had such hopes for her; she was adorable with her red hair, oh but what a frightening child…_ "I'm sorry, I don't remember a Regina."

I looked at her suspiciously. What had been frightening about my sweet Reggie? I didn't even pause to think that I had just referred to Reggie as mine.

"Now you seem like a nice child, Ruth might remember her, but I doubt she'll help you much, her office is right down the hall there."

"Thank you ma'am," I said hurrying down the hall.

When I entered the office there was an old woman sitting at her desk, she pulled on some glasses and gave me an appraising look.

Neither of us spoke we just stared. This was the woman I was looking for. Definitely a witch. I was practiced in Legilimens, but she was practeced in Occlumency, and equal match.

"I was told you knew something about a Regina Berlinson?"

"Ah, my little queen. How is she now?"

"Um, not good. It seems something is wrong with her…"

"Mind?" the woman said, not sounding surprised at all or even the slightest bit worried.

"Well, yes."

"I had to do it you know… she was such a beautiful child, but she would have never been adopted if I had just let her go. She set one couple on fire once and the other women here started to get suspicious, so I put the spell on her, yes. How is she other then that?"

She set one couple on fire? Why was I not surprised?

"Well, it's not really her I'm worried about. She has a little brother named Georgie, he is even sicker," I said, startled at this woman's frankness.

"Ah, Georgie, how is my little piggy? Oh, right very sick. He must have been a muggle then. I was just so worried that when he came to us the same way Regina had, and the dreadful boy Tom started showing an interest in him, well I put the calming spell on him too. Apparently I guessed wrong, I was just worried. I should have known when he didn't have any teeth."

"Well, by any chance, could you… um… take the spell off?"

"You're a wizard? Shouldn't you know things aren't that simple? How is your gift at potions?"

"It's adequate but not the best by far."

"Well, then my dear boy, its time you learn," she said, handing me a pile of papers. "Oh, and I was told you were looking for pictures."

Once I got outside the orphanage I looked through the papers. This potion seemed anything but simple, well, it was time I learned. And at the very bottom was a picture that most would have found disturbing, but the witch back there had seemed a bit twisted, and it reminded me a bit of my own past.

In the small square picture was a two-year-old, chewing on a shoe, bright orange hair, which was now browner then that, flying around her as if by an invisible wind, her complete set of teeth was clamped down on the shoe. Two long scratches ran down her cheek, like an animal had attacked her. As her eyes gleamed with green steel, in the front of the picture was a cat, hanging by its tail, and turned a very odd shade of blue. Apparently Reggie had hated cats as well.

The potion took forever to make, and I was finally glad when it was done, praying I hadn't done anything wrong. It turns out I hadn't. Georgie and Regina recovered about a week after I gave them the potion, under false pretenses that it was some sort of smoothie. Not a week after that I helped Reggie pack her bags and we were off to Hogwarts for yet another year of our ever-changing life.

* * *

**I seem to remember this chapter having a point, but I don't remember what it was now. Also I originally had more chapters with Snape's mom, because she was a fun character to write, but I cut those out for being too weird. Or pointless. I wish I could figure out what the point of this super long chapter is…**


	10. Quidditch Isn’t All Bad

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter **

**Chapter nine- Quidditch Isn't All Bad **

**Song: Grow Up – Simple Plan**

* * *

Nothing much happened in my fourth year. Reggie stopped speaking so fondly of her family; I think it hurt her to remember Georgie so sick. 

She also started helping me write down my spells in a small notebook, entranced by the process. She had tried to make a few of her own, but all of them had failed miserably. I told her if she ever got one right it could go in our book too. I had never seen her eyes light up as the day I used the phrase "our book."

James and Sirius were having a ball torturing me, sometimes I didn't mind at all, but others it was a pain trying to convince my teachers I wasn't crazy, or a terrible kid.

"Now Snape," Professor McGonagall said once more, it was after school Monday and I had been asked to stay after class on the account that I hadn't had my homework today in class, "I would expect something like this from Potter and Black, but not you. Tell me why you really don't have your homework."

What was I supposed to say? I had already told her the truth; I thought I'd try it once more. "Professor, I swear that I don't have my homework because a dog ate it!"

"Snape! Do you honestly expect me to believe that? This is the third day you have used that excuse!"

"Yes! It was a big black dog, and it just ran up and took my homework and ran off!" I screamed. I knew I must have sounded crazy, but it was the truth.

"Do you take me for a fool?" she asked, from this day on she would never trust me again. At the time it didn't seem so important. "I'm just going to write a letter to your parents about your recent behaviors in school."

"No!" I said leaning forward on her desk, I could just picture my dad now_ Yes, please excuse Severus from school next week, he has to attend his funeral_. I mean look at me! Did I honestly look like I didn't have anything better to do then homework? Lets face it; I was worse then a nerd. I enjoyed homework.

"Ok, I suppose that I can let it slide, but if it happens a fourth time… just get out of my office."

I sighed and left. Imagine how she reacted when I told her next week I didn't have my homework because a deer ate it. She was really going to hate me. But for what? Because random animals stole my homework? It seemed like a bad reason to hate someone.

Reggie also started to help me think of ways to get back at the marauders, really I was more of the planer; she was the one that acted on impulse. Becoming bolder by the day as I continued to stay away from the limelight. Only because every time I was the center of attention it wasn't for good reasons.

I continued to leave Lily alone. She wasn't very good at handling James's taunts but I didn't want to be yelled out for doing what I had thought was a good deed. In fact I felt a bit of resentment towards her for yelling at me when I thought that I didn't deserve to be yelled at. Anyway I had my own marauder problems to deal with.

They were shallow teens, with little wit, or at least little that showed. Reggie was fascinated with them, an obsession I hoped would die down soon, but she was always eager to help me get even. I really didn't mind their taunts, it had become a part of my daily life, something I began to get used to, hell, sometimes I even looked forward to it, they were good test dummies for my many unofficial spells.

Besides that I studied with Reggie, my plan was to have her in all the advanced classes with me next year so I wouldn't have to suffer being Malfoy's wingman much longer. Really I could think of a thousand things I would have rather been doing, and a thousand deaths for the girls he was hitting on that would have probably been more preferable then dating him.

"Your so good at teaching," Reggie said as her third potion came out clear and smooth. It smelled like new parchment and green apples, which I thought was a strange smell to be found in a love potion, but I was strange.

"No, I'm not, your just a fast learner," I lied, she was not as smart as I had hoped, so our Friday study sessions would have to become somewhat of a permanent deal.

She took a deep breath of the potion, "This is a love potion? Shouldn't it smell like lilac and roses?"

"I don't know, it says it smells like what is most desirable to you. What do you smell?"

"I smell… the soap they use on our quidditch uniforms… and wet dog? Are you sure I didn't mess up somehow?"

"No, I think you did everything right," I said double-checking the textbook.

"Um, Sevy…" Regina said.

"I know, here, put this in your cloak," I said handing her parchment as I hid the textbook under my own cloak.

The water came crashing down on my head and the laughter followed.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Snivellus, we thought you could use a shower," James said stepping forward.

I sighed and stood up, "Thanks guys. I understand your just trying to be helpful. That's why I don't plan on causing all of you harm. Langlock!"

"What the hell?" I herd Sirius ask as I left the library with Reggie following me.

James was attempting to yell curses after me, but all that came out of his mouth were gurgling noises. By now his tongue woulld be stuck to the roof of his mouth. I got some pleasure from imagining that visit to the nurses office.

"So that spell is ready for the notebook now right?" Reggie asked.

"Yes it is," I said smileing to my self

"You enjoyed that didn't you? You're just the slightest bit sadistic!"

"Your point?" I asked, trying to mimic her raised eyebrow, to no success.

"I guess I don't really have one."

After we had gone upstairs and stashed away our study stuff Reggie and I both took care of the stuff we needed to do and then left the dorms again.

Her to do list was something like:

Brush hair

Get changed into quidditch uniform

Clean up her space in the room.

Mine was something more like:

Make the beds of Malfoy and Goyle, who were pigs

Change into something less dark so I could watch Reggie play quidditch and not be burned alive by the sun

Pour the remainder of the love potion into a water bottle I would later offer to James, hoping the first person he saw after drinking it would be Sirius. It would teach them both a lesson.

After that we headed up the stair and out into the brilliant sunlight to participate in quidditch practice. She played, and I cheered the team on.

Unfortunately we were met by the Slytherin team, dressed to play looking rather angry, armed with their broomsticks. On the field was an all-together different form of quidditch being played.

"We booked the field Potter!" Malfoy yelled at James as me and Reggie pushed towards the front of the crowd.

Yes, a rather different form of quidditch was being played indeed. On the field sat the four boys I loathed most. Potter and Pettigrew were on one side of the field while Lupin and Black were on the other. Potter and Pettigrew were wearing their regular school uniforms minus the tie, but Black and Lupin were wearing nothing but boxers as they clung to the broomsticks. A large group of girls from every house had gathered to watch this game. They were playing strip quidditch.

"We were here first Malfoy," Potter called, obviously over the spell I had put on him earlier, "but your welcome to get some practice in and play with us. We were just about to start over anyway."

Malfoy, never one to back down to a challenge, mounted his broom and jumped into the air, joining James and Peter, his best chance of keeping his clothes on.

"Aw, now that's not fair," Sirius sulked, as he pulled his clothes back on in the air, a talent that must have taken much practice. "You guys have one more player then we do.

"Then pick a third player," James suggested.

"I pick Snivellus!" Sirius said, pointing through the crowd, right at me. I was shaking now. There was no way I was playing, but how could I get out of it with the whole crowd now staring at me. My two greatest fears combined in one. Heights and taking my clothes off in front of a crowd of strangers. On top of that I looked nothing like Sirius and Remus, who could put Greek gods to shame.

"That is unless someone else wants to play for him," Sirius said with a shrug, knowing no one would come forward.

And then she surprised me.

"I'll play!" Reggie said, mounting her broom and flying into the air.

In all it was the best game of quidditch I had ever watched. Reggie's team lost.

* * *

**One of the reasons this is rated T, well that and cursing. Anyway, I don't mind reviews (please try to be nice about it though), and like I said before I'm collecting theories for the seventh book, so if you have any you would like to share, please do.**


	11. Sirius Takes an Interest

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**Chapter ten- Sirius Takes an Interest **

**Song: In This Diary – The Ataris**

* * *

The rest of the year flew by, and the summer as well. I spent it at my home as well, even though Reggie, and her family, had begged me to spend it with them. I said that they deserved family time, but made Reggie promise to write me, and as always she did. 

The real reason I had chosen to stay at my house was my mother. With my father getting more temperamental by the day I felt bad leaving her alone. I wondered what it was that had attracted her to him in the first place.

The summer wasn't much, I saved up enough money to send Reggie a new sketch book for her birthday, and I card I had gotten all of our friends to sign, since Malfoy spent a lot of his summer in my backyard helping me blow things up, and Patricia could be found where ever there were boys. Getting Cissy's signature was the hardest however because Bella had distanced herself from the group ever since her and Malfoy broke up. But I managed to get it and send the card to her.

Malfoy hated my house, because of the muggle-ness of it. But at least he wasn't cursing me, although I think he said mudblood more that summer then he had the rest of his life. Patricia threw the word around pretty loosely, but I tried not to.

It wasn't because my dad was a muggle, or even because I was half muggle, it was because Reggie had been pureblood, but since she was adopted by muggles so she considered herself muggle born and took offense to the word.

When school started again my plan had worked and fourteen-year-old Reggie was taking fifth year classes. She wasn't very good at them, hence the need for our study time, but she was taking them. I was improving in all my classes greatly. I still wasn't too good at History of Magic, which was odd since taking notes and writing essays were my strong points.

That was Reggie's favorite class however due to the pure, unadulterated, graphic violence we learned about. Malfoy often fell asleep in it.

Potions and DADA were my favorite classes. I was best at Dark Arts, and Potions was just a fun class, full of explosions and pretty colors. Everybody liked Potions class. Although I found the teacher one of the most disturbing people I had ever met. Professor Horace E. F. Slughorn was the most selfish person I had ever met, and didn't deserve to teach potions.

Maybe I was resentful for not getting an invitation to his 'slug club' when he could invite such a snob as Malfoy, and even bratty Lily Evens. Maybe I was just against him as I person, it was really hard to tell. But I mean even Cuffe made it into his little club, why not me! Like I said, it was really hard to tell why I didn't like him.

About halfway through the year I started to notice changes in Malfoy. Not good changes either. I mean Malfoy had never really been the kind of guy to hug puppies and eat lollypops (unless they were stolen from small children) but some how he was managing to find time to get worse. He had been my friend for so long though I tried to turn the other check, but it got harder and harder to do as time went on.

It was a Saturday, Reggie was at Quidditch practice and I was studying for my O.W.L.s witch I knew I was going to pass, but being overconfident was never good so I was studying anyway.

"Did you hear?" I herd Potter ask as he walked by, but I generally tried to do the opposite of whatever Potter asked about, so I tried my best not to hear him.

"Yeah, I'm not that fond of Snape, but I didn't mind the girl. She had spunk," Sirius said.

"I bet you're exited though, right James," Peter chimed in, "this means you guys can finally win a game right?"

"Pete, what a completely insensitive thing to say!" Remus said looking up from his book.

"Yeah, at least she was a challenge to beat, it's such a shame," James mumbled.

"Yeah, the poor girl. But now she'll have some time to spend with some guys, and you know what I see right here? Four guys!" Sirius said, holding up his hand for a high five, but James and Remus just shook their heads, Peter began to offer him a high five, but sheepishly pulled in back when he saw the look on James and Remus's faces.

"You're an ass," I said standing up and walking out of the library. I had to find Reggie, if I understood what I herd she would not be happy.

It wasn't hard to find her. She was sitting outside of the Slytherin dorms crying, still dressed in her quidditch gear.

"Hey, don't cry," I said pulling her into my lap as I sat down beside her. How many times had I had to be the one to stop her tears? I wasn't complaining, I just wished people would stop making her cry.

"He kicked me off the team," she mumbled.

"I heard," I said, wondering if she would get mad if I kissed the top of her head. I eventually decided not to risk it.

"He said it was because I was a girl. He said girls can't play sports," she said.

"He's a jerk, you were better then all those other players," I promised her, and I wasn't lying.

"Of course he's a jerk!" she shot back, "he told me all this in front of the entire team and then some. _They_ saw me cry!"

"To be fair _they _were talking about how big of a mistake Malfoy made."

"They were?"

"Yeah, Remus said it was heartless, James said you were better then all of them, Peter said that the Slytherin team was going to be losing a bunch now that you weren't playing for them, and Sirius… he was thinking about coming to see if you were all right," I said. Ok, so most of that was true, and the bits that weren't were just exaggerated. I saw no harm in that. I also saw no harm in slipping a bit of truth serum in Malfoy's drink tomorrow, just to liven things up a bit.

"Really? That's sweet of them?"

"Yes, it was very sweet of James and Remus," I said, smiling that her tears were stopping

"It was sweet of Sirius too," she said, wiping her face.

"Yeah, sure," I said, not wanting her to start crying again.

* * *

**I think the point of this chapter is that every character has two sides. In the Harry Potter books we mainly get to see Sirius as a good person, and Snape as evil, but there are two sides to every story.**


	12. Snape's Worst Memory

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**Chapter eleven- Snape's Worst Memory **

**Song: Runaway –Avril Lavigne (the first of many)**

* * *

"Good luck," Reggie kissed me on the cheek.

"I'll be fine, this is Dark Arts we're talking about, remember?"

"Just in case, I know you'll do great though. And remember, Cissy and I will be in class, so we'll meet you by the lake afterwards, and don't forget, the part of the lake by the building, the lake is huge, we'd never find you if you just picked a random spot," Reggie reminded me.

"Yes, because I blend in so well. Are we still going into Hogsmeade tomorrow?" I asked as she began to attach herself to a passing group of fourth years.

"Of course, and Cissy and I are planning a surprise for you!" she yelled, but she was too far away now for me to yell anything back.

Of course I knew what the surprise was, they had been trying to get me to cut my hair for weeks, and a weekend in Hogsmeade was the perfect opportunity. Naturally I wasn't looking forward to it, but I would be fine as long as they bought me some candy after wards.

And now it was test time, my favorite time of the year. I know most students hated tests and homework, Reggie included, but knowing the answers to everything made me feel better then those that didn't. It was a shallow way of thinking, but for someone who was constantly reminded how popular I was, I saw no problem in thinking this way.

And as I had guessed the test gave me nothing to worry about. It was a simple test, and I was sure I would pass advanced, being as I wrote more then the three kids next to me combined. What can I say; I tend to get carried away when I'm in a mood for writing.

After the test I doubled checked my answers, a habit Reggie says I really must kick. She says there is no point torturing yourself over something that is done, well that and I tend to not watch where I'm going when I walk and read. I had more then one bruise on my forehead from various inanimate objects that seemed to just jump out at me, hence the need for long hair.

By some miracle I managed to make it down to the lake, where I was supposed to meet Cissy and Reggie. Unfortunately something, or someone, or better yet a group of someones were waiting for me. But I didn't see them. Instead I sat down by a clump of bushes, studying my papers. It wasn't till I was halfway done checking my work that I realized I was nowhere near the building, and Reggie would be out of her class soon, and looking for me. I wouldn't be hard to find, but she had made a big deal out of me being by the building, so I stashed my papers and stood up, ready to go.

"All right, Snivellus?" James asked, snapping me out of my worry for meeting Reggie. I had new worries now. I quickly reached for my wand, but it was too late. By the time I had it out of my pocket it was flying across the grass. This was not good, not only was James going to make me look like a total nerd in front of Reggie, but I wasn't even going to get a fighting attempt at this cruel attack of my dignity.

Well, I had news for James, I wasn't giving up. If my pride (not that I had much) was going down in front of this crowd of gathering people, I was not going down without a fight. A fair fight. I dived across the grass for my fallen wand, why hadn't I seen his attack coming?

"Impedimenta!"

A bolt of pain in my side and was forced to freeze where I was. It wasn't fair. He was nothing but a coward. I tried to reach my wand, but there was no use now, I couldn't move, and trying to only caused more pain. Instead I looked through the crowd of girls over by the lake, I didn't see the red head and blonde I was looking for. At least Reggie hadn't seen, that was good.

I reminded myself it was petty to anger myself over such horrific human beings as James and his partner in crime, who I hadn't realized was just as detestable as James until now. Or at least my brain tried to remind me it was petty, but if they kept taking shots at my intelligence, self-esteem, and overall hygiene skills I wouldn't be able to stay clam much longer.

Now people were laughing at me, oh well, it was nothing new, and Reggie wondered why I didn't like crowds. I still couldn't spot Cissy's blonde head in the crowd, and I had to act fast before they got here, I didn't need Reggie's temper taking over and her jumping in the fight. Not only would it have been a blow to my pride to have to be saved by a girl, but it would also be something else James and his crew could taunt me about. I struggled as the curse began to wear off. I remembered the fistfight with James, but I had a better chance with a wand, I wasn't likely to get anywhere while he was using magic, so my first instinct was to reach for the wand again.

Regrettably I was met by more taunts, and that blew it. I let out a bunch of the foulest words I had learned from Reggie and Malfoy, both muggle and wizarding. I said a couple hexes as well, but without a wand I was only saying them because I knew they were appalling. Luckily Reggie and Cissy still hadn't shown up and I was fighting against a clock to get out of this before they did. Unfortunately a group of second years joined the crowds watching James show off, so class was being let out now.

Unfortunately I had apparently offended James with my cursing, which seems highly improbable since I had learned a few of the words from him, and he let out another spell, I hadn't studied this one, only until I felt my mouth fill with the bitter taste of soap did I realize what it did. It was an astringent taste and the effort of trying not to swallow the bubbles, that seemed to taste worse and worse by the minute, made me gag and choke.

And that's when it happened. I saw the redheaded girl coming through the crowd. Damn, Reggie was going to save me anyway. But as she got closer I realized it was Lily, oh no. How dare she try to help me, and get offended when I help her! That didn't seem fair. As much as I wanted to be out of this mess I was not going to be saved by her of all people.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" she screamed, "What's he done to you?"

I noticed her question had not been _What's he __ever__ done to you?_ Just simply "What's he done to you?" She knew I had done plenty to James in the past, but the question applied strictly to now, and James knew it too.

"Well, it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean…" James started, not wanting to look like an ass in front of the girl he liked. If I hadn't been so angry with him for putting me through the same thing I might have felt bad for him. Only I was close enough to see the glow in his eyes. He had stopped taunting Lily with his pickup lines, he meant them now.

Then Lily proceeded to tell him off, while I looked over at the clock tower, and then towards the door to see if I could spot the girls. And then I realized that if I could move my head to do these things I could move my arm to grab my wand, and I did.

"Sectesempra," I whispered, pointing my wand at James, Sirius noticed, but too late. James was bleeding now, Lily stood looking shocked at what I had done, and I was smiling, for I had won. Or so I thought.

With James things never got better, only worse. As the light flashed towards me, as I hung upside down in the air, with my robes falling around my head, I could only do one thing to make myself feel the slightest bit better. Hope I had given him a scar.

Now the crowd was cheering. Goodness, I had known I wasn't popular, but this was sad. I had never done anything to them, why were they so happy to see this fight. But maybe with them they made a point of laughing at anything they're oh-so-funny leader James did. For James might have been the leader for the marauders, but he was also quite popular with the rest of the school as well.

"Let him down!" Lily ordered. Oh how I hated her for this command, did she not know James at all?

"Certainly!" he replied as I hit the ground with a thud. My head was stinging now, from the pain of hitting the ground, or having my blood rush to my head, whatever the cause I could feel a very strong headache coming on.

I reached for my wand, but with little effort, if James didn't stop me Sirius would. I found I had been right as I fell to the ground an unbelievable pain burning in my gut. Sirius stood with a smile on his face. Obviously entertained by the brutal, unfair, and not all that eye-pleasing massacre. I gathered my robes around my feet again, just to make sure no one could still see under them, and fell to my knees.

Lily was still intent on offering her help where it was not wanted though because she pulled out her wand and began barking orders at the boys, Sirius and James now worried at the sight of possible violence, obliged to these demands.

And then James said something that would have seemed innocent, but I knew him, and I knew his ways. He was nudging me with his voice now, wanting me to seem like a violent little cockroach, but my temper was too strong for me to not yell back as he said the words I knew he would, "You're lucky Evans was here."

In that moment I didn't just see James in his face, no I saw everyone who had ever hurt me, physically or emotionally. I saw James, and Sirius, and Lily, and Malfoy. I saw my father, and the boys that made fun of me before I came to Hogwarts. I saw every one who had ever called me names, who had ever called me greasy, and who had ever taken a hit at my self-respect.

I had never remembered using the word before, but it was the worst word I knew, the worst word I could think of, and since it only applied to Lily I directed it at her.

"I don't need help from filthy little mudbloods like her!"

Then the anger faded, and I regretted my words. In that second Lily's face fell I saw Regina there. Not Lily, and it stung, as if I had just called my best friend a mudblood. I knew that if Reggie had seen me I would have a lot of apologizing to do. Not just for Reggie's sake, but my own. I wanted to apologize, but could I do it in front of James? Luckily that wasn't my choice.

"Fine, I won't bother in the future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, _Snivellus!_"

"Apologize to Evans!" James roared, and I was ready to but Lily cut me off.

"I don't want _you _to make him apologize," Lily snapped at Potter. "You're as bad as he is…"

"What?" yelped Potter, offended at the thought of ever being like me, "I'd NEVER call you a – you-know-what!"

Then Lily proceeded to insult James on almost every aspect of his character as I rubbed my head, the pain was beginning to rise up causing a roar in my ears. And my vision to spin. If James didn't stop soon I was going to go into a comma. The bump on my forehead was enough to cause worry. A haircut tomorrow might not be the best idea…

Now James was mad as Lily stalked away. He was mad now, and was going to take it off on the first available source. Me.

"Who wants to see me take off Snivelly's pants?"

"Let him down!" another red head called, but her voice was so small that James ignored it, but Sirius turned around and yelled, "Locomotor Mortis!"

I watched Reggie fall to her knees, and the crowd froze. Sirius dropped his wand, Remus dropped his book, I dropped my jaw, and James dropped the F word.

The crowd fell silent as Cissy muttered the counter-curse and Reggie pushed forward, advancing on Sirius. I watched him swallow as she got closer, but as she approached her view changed. She started heading towards me.

I couldn't look her in the eye after I had said such things to Lily, but all the same I took her hand when she offered it and let her pull me to my feet, suddenly being saved by a girl didn't seem so bad.

* * *

**I find it hard to believe that someone who has lived a life like Snape thinks that this is his worst memory, but whatever.**


	13. So Close, Yet So Far

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**Chapter twelve- So Close, Yet So Far**

**Song: Riot Girl – Good Charlotte**

* * *

"I could just kill them!" Reggie screamed 

"Reggie, just let it go," Cissy pleaded

"No, they had no right to hurt our Sevy like that, he was just minding his own business!"

"Reggie, it's not a big deal. What happened to your motto? What's done is done?" Cissy said.

"That's different. You fail a test; it's done. You have a bad day; it's done. You give a lousy report in class; it's done. But when you endanger someone's life just for a little fun, that's when I take offence!" Reggie roared as we walked down the streets.

"Please don't do anything rash. If you get in trouble for beating them up I fear they might kick you out for fighting. I mean it wasn't even your own life, right Snape?"

"Mm hmm," I said popping another lemon drop into my mouth.

"See, Sevy has let it go!" Cissy argued.

Ok, so I hadn't let it go, I was still going to find a way to pay the boys back, I just hadn't figured it out yet. And I had woken up extra early this morning to pay a visit to the Gryffindor common room to drop of a bunch of flowers for Lily, still feeling really bad about what I said. But now I couldn't care less as I walked down the streets full of sunshine and the smell of Cissy's perfume. Oh, and lemon drops, lots of lemon drops.

Today was supposed to be a fun day, and thinking about yesterday's incident (if you could call it that) was kind of bringing the mood down. Of course right now I could hardly care because Reggie and Cissy had bought me enough candy to drown my self in, some to make me feel better, and some so I would get a hair cut. My hair was now hanging around my ears; it was a new experience being able to see the world around me. But I didn't mind, because between Reggie and Cissy I now owned half of the merchandise from Honeydukes.

"Let's go to the Three Broomsticks to get your mind off of it!" Cissy suggested, pulling Reggie down the street.

"I don't want to go there, Cissy. It will be so crowded!" Reggie complained.

"But I want a drink," Cissy whined. Reggie and I rolled our eyes; neither of us was much on listening to spoiled rich girls whine.

"Then we'll have a drink!" Reggie said enthusiastically, pulling her cloak around her uniform and her hood up. I followed suit, covering my new haircut, and the rest of my head with it.

"No!" Cissy screeched as Reggie summoned something out of the air and placed it one Cissy's head. A black veil that if Cissy hadn't been wearing her school uniform would have made her look very mature.

"Can we go somewhere else!? That place is so dirty!" Cissy yelled, causing Reggie to throw her hand over Cissy's mouth to keep people from staring.

"Please, it will be fun, a few drinks and some card games and we'll be out of there, I promise," Reggie said shooting me a glance. I knew we were doing this for me. Reggie would be happy anywhere she could get drunk, and I wouldn't really fit in at any of Cissy's places. So the Hog's Head it was!

Sure enough the place was dark and dirty inside and Cissy stuck her noise up at everything, and refused to touch anything, but Reggie ordered a couple of butter beers and the fun began. Reggie and I sat down and gambled a couple of our spare coins, my luck wasn't so good, but Reggie was on fire and later gave a share of her winnings to me. If it had been Cissy or Malfoy I would have felt like their charity case, but since it was Reggie I was perfectly fine taking the money, I would have done the same for her.

But eventually Cissy's pureblood upbringing kicked in, and she dragged us out of the bar, good thing to, because Reggie was about to start a fight with a man twice her size wearing a gray cape and a mask that fit his face like a glove. As a general policy I try not to start fights with men twice my size, and the mask was a bit demoralizing. So we dragged Reggie off to one of Cissy's hangouts for a cup of coffee.

I slumped down into the overstuffed chairs at Madame Puddifoot's as Cissy hurried off to buy something for Reggie that might calm her down.

"He was cheating me out of my money!" she said, causing a few heads to turn towards us and Cissy to blush like she didn't know us.

"I know he was," I whispered, grabbing her hand, and trying to clam her down. Really there were a lot more couples here then normal students, and I didn't feel at all comfortable being here with Reggie, and Cissy. Mainly I just wanted Cissy to leave.

"Coffee is here," Cissy said handing us our drinks as the couples turned away.

"Why are we here?" Reggie asked, letting go of my hand and sinking back in the chair.

"Because, you had too much to drink, and this is the perfect place for coffee," Cissy said with a wicked smile and I knew that she had been planning this all along before she smiled and said, "oh, look at the time, I have to be getting back since Patricia and I were going to study."

"That's good, we could study with you," I said trying to jump up and pull Reggie out of her chair as well.

"No, that's ok, you two have fun," she said, her hand like a vice as she shoved me back down into the chair. For such a skinny girl she sure was strong, I guess when you don't eat much you can be a bit angry.

"Bye!" Reggie said waving Cissy off, maybe she didn't notice this was a place for couples… or maybe she did! No, she defiantly didn't know… did she?

"Sevy, can we get something to eat?" Reggie asked once Cissy had left.

"Sure why not," I said pulling out a few of Reggie's winnings to pay for today's special. Maybe it was because no one here knew me, but I had a good feeling about this place, and being here with Reggie. I was no longer uncomfortable; I just wished Reggie had had a little less butter beer.

"Sevy, are you sure you;re all right about yesterday? I mean we could come up with something to get them back," Reggie said, touching the band-aid on my head, covering the large purple bruise on my forehead.

"I'm fine, I promise. Don't even think about it. It doesn't even matter," I said with a smile, grabbing her hand in mine. It was warm in my clammy ones, but she didn't pull away, so at least I wasn't humiliated just yet.

"Ok, I'm really sorry they did that to you though," she said, taking my other hand. Had she had too much to drink or did she really mean this. I told my pounding heart to settle down, friends held hands sometimes; she might not like me as more then a close friend.

"Why are you sorry, there was nothing you could do, but lets forget that, ok?" I said.

"Ok," she said with a warm smile, "I had fun today, thanks for coming with me."

"It's no problem, I had fun too," I said, leaning towards her, and miracle of miracles she leaned towards me too. We were so close, and I couldn't help but wonder if this was a side effect from the butter beer or if Reggie really meant it. Then it hit me that that was a particularly feminine thought. Shouldn't I just be happy she was going to kiss me? Finely I would have a story to share with Malfoy. Why were all these weird thoughts running through my head? Just shut up and kiss her!

But right before our lips met, right before (!), there was a tinkling of bells, and another couple walked in the door. Followed by a not so cleverly disguised threesome. So close, yet so damn far!

"Hello Snivellus," Black said pulling a chair up at our table, causing Reggie to let go of my hands all together.

So damn far!

"See, James there has a date, and we are tagging along to see how it goes, so it's nice of you to offer to share your table with us," Black continued as Lupin and Pettigrew pulled up chairs.

"Oh, and Lily can't know, so if you do anything smart I will hurt you," Black finally said as the other two settled in, then he turned his attention from me to Reggie, "Well hello pretty lady. I have been meaning to apologize for hitting a girl yesterday, so Snape, just know that I am sorry for hitting you. I would buy you flowers, but you don't seem like a flower type of girl."

Oh how I hated them. They had ruined what might have been my first kiss with Reggie, something I would never be able to forgive them for.


	14. The Last Happy Summer

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**Chapter thirteen- The Last Happy Summer**

**Song: Endless Summer – Ashlee Simpson (I have truly run out of happy songs) **

* * *

The next month flew by and summer arrived again. This summer Cissy invited both me and Reggie over. Of course her parents turned their noses up when my dirty self stepped through the doors, but once Bella declared I was welcome they seemed to change their minds. 

It was the biggest house I had ever seen, forget Reggie I wanted to marry the girl that would be inheriting this house! Please let it be Cissy, the pretty one, although with all this money who cares about looks? I could settle for Bella…

"It's beautiful," Reggie said in such a soft heartwarming voice.

"The first million I make I'll buy you one," I promised and I would try, but after that day in the coffee house I wasn't quite sure if she would want that. She hadn't tried to kiss me since then, and heaven knows I hadn't tried to kiss her.

"And these are the guest rooms, sorry if they are a bit small, but my sister's friends got the big rooms," Cissy said throwing the doors open to the two rooms Reggie and I would be staying at.

"Just a little small," Reggie said her eyes bugging out at the room.

"It's two times the size of my house, with half the dirt!" I exclaimed running inside mine collapsing on the big four-poster bed.

"With half the alcohol!" exclaimed a rather dark looking girl that had to be at least sixteen, if not older. She wore her dark hair short and clutched an open bottle of wine in her hand. She didn't fit in anymore then I did in this house, she was probably one of Bella's friends.

"Only half?" I asked.

"Hey, you could get lucky, I might share," she said taking a swig of her drink until Bella came running down the hall.

"Oh, Joyce, there you are! We thought we had lost you!" Bella said tugging on her friends arm.

"Get off me!" Joyce said, "I was just talking to this lovely boy, what is his name?"

"Robert," Bella answered, before pulling her friend along.

Lovely boy? I had never been described as lovely before. Strange; yes. Greasy; yes. But lovely? Why was Bella taking this girl, who had been standing in my room, so very obviously drunk, who had seemed to be interested in me so very far away?

As if to explain Cissy stepped forward and said, "That's Joyce, she's Bella's latest charity case. She's a slut and a drunk. Bella is trying to fix her."

"Charity and Bella, two things I thought would never mix," Reggie said from the doorway.

"Drunk and a slut? Why is she leaving?" I asked with a smile.

"Come on, you've got all summer to be a pervert, you're in a house full of girls! Don't start now!" Cissy exclaimed, shooting me a look with her eyes that said _Not in front of Reggie!_

"Aw, he's a guy, let him be a guy!" Reggie said tackling me and forcing me back onto my bed as I collapsed under her weight. Is it sad that a skinny short girl can push me down?

I smiled, "Yes, let me be a guy!" and with that I wrapped my arms around her waist and stood up spinning her around the room on my shoulder while her fists pounded my back with shouts of "very funny!" and "let me down!"

"It's going to be a marvelous summer!" Reggie cried once she was back on her feet, albeit a bit dizzy.

And indeed it was. Bella's friends were all a bit dark for me, which is saying something since I lived in the shadows until I was twelve. Joyce was still my favorite though, or at least my favorite of Bella's friends.

Something was strange about Cissy though. She had invited Reggie and me to her house, but we had an awful lot of time to spend with each other, an awful lot of Cissy-free time.

Reggie and I were wonderfully close now, some sort of bond that was stronger then a friendship, but I hadn't tried kissing her again. I had had way too much time to analyze it, and was worried about how she would react when she was sober. I wanted to, and in my head I did, but in real life I didn't want to freak her out.

She drew a lot in the sketch book I had given her for her birthday, she loved sketching Cissy's house, and she had gotten very good at it.

For her birthday I gave her a diary, it felt kind of weird when Cissy had given her a beautiful silver necklace.

"You sure you like it," I asked as we sat drawing the house, Cissy was off writing to one of her friends again, I had found out that she was the bookie. Her friends were taking bets on when Reggie and I would start dating and this had been going on since my fourth year. Somehow it didn't bother me though.

"Yes, I love it. I mean I don't wear jewelry, but I will actually write in this! As soon as school starts up again. The diaries of RAB! I feel famous already!"

"I hope you don't get some hot actor to replace me when they make the documentary of your life," I said as she hugged me.

"Is Tom Cruise too unrealistic?"

"Alan Rickman might be better," I said as I helped her to her feet and back towards the house since a storm was coming out.

"So defiantly no Matt Dillion?"

"No Matt Dillion…"

I had been right of course. The storm came around eleven when we were all tucked into our beds. I couldn't believe my fortune; this was the best summer I had ever had. While the storm raged outside I stared at the ceiling thinking things over, I did this way too much. Sometimes I thought it might be better if I were to act on impulse like Reggie. I know one thing was for sure. If I acted on impulse I wouldn't still be wondering if Reggie might possibly like me back.

There was a small timid knock on the door that snapped me out of my daydream, or was it just a dream since it was at night, about Reggie and me.

"Sevy," the small voice on the other side of the door whispered.

"Come in, I said back, not bothering to get out of my bed, but certainly pulling the blankets tighter around me.

"I don't like thunder," Reggie whispered. She was standing there, the hall light casting a glow about her like a halo. Her hair was a mess, she had probably been tossing and turning, her eyes were wide and frightened and her nightgown wasn't nearly as short as it should have been. "Can I sleep in here?"

"Umm…" was all I could say as she closed the door again, allowing the darkness to take over again.

"Please," she whined.

"But Reggie," I said pulling the covers around myself even more, why was I arguing about this? "Should you really be in here at night?" I could have kicked myself for saying that.

"It was ok when we were kids," she whined, her voice sounding very pitiful.

"We aren't kids anymore, I'm sixteen!"

The lightning crash outside at the same time as the thunder roared and I had no choice anymore, by the time the thunder had stopped and the room was dark again Reggie was clinging to my side.

"I hate thunder," she whispered in my ear.

I couldn't answer, I merely let out a tiny squeak as she buried her face in my neck.

* * *

**The reason I introduced Joyce in this chapter was I had plans to bring her back much later on, but I think I have decided against that for reasons unknown to myself.**


	15. A Careless Mistake or Snape and the Wolf

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**Chapter fifteen- A Careless Mistake (Snape and the Werewolf)**

**Song: Werewolf In London – Warren Zevon (I couldn't resist) **

* * *

The next year of my life would be one of the worst for two reasons. It was life threatening and humiliating all in one. It bonded me with James and his horrible offspring for years to come, and it let me in on a secret I would have rather not known. For once I would have rather been ignorant. 

"Malfoy is off with his little group," I said sitting down next to Reggie.

"Aw, look it's Snivellus and his girlfriend returned from summer break. Regrettably he didn't get that growth spurt he had so been looking forward to," Potter joked with his group.

"So I thought we could hang out," I finished as Reggie sat drawing in her notebook.

"Hey guys, Lupin and I have an astronomy project, but you two have fun," Potter said waving Sirius and Peter off.

"So, what do you want to do?" I asked Reggie.

"I don't know, drawing seems fine to me," she said harshly. Reggie had her harsh moments. I loved her to death, but she could do with a couple of happy pills once in a while. Then again I wasn't one to judge.

"Must be that time of the month," I herd Sirius say. I turned around to tell him off, but then I realized he wasn't talking about Reggie.

"Peter, stop giggling. You know that Moony's time of the month isn't funny, it's a part of growing up," Sirius said, now defiantly joking. These boys were rather foul. I turned back around to see Reggie blushing now.

"I have to go," she said rushing off towards the school, leaving me behind by the lake. Alone.

"So," Sirius said, picking up his voice a couple more volumes, so I could tell he wanted me to hear his words. "You know the whomping willow. I thought we could meet there tonight, you know about an hour after the moon comes up," Sirius said with a smile. I didn't need to be told they wanted me to show up, and that they would be expecting me, but then again curiosity would be the death of me.

"Now, you do remember how to get in right?" Sirius asked.

"Of course I do," Peter said.

"What? Wormtail, how could you forget?" Sirius asked.

"But I didn't…" Peter said before catching on.

"You just poke the knot at the bottom of the tree with a stick, it's not that hard to remember," Sirius said, now turning to see me staring over at them. He had gotten what he wanted; the idea was in my head. "Now what are you staring at Snape? You know curiosity killed the greasy malnourished cat!"

"And satisfaction brought him back," I muttered, walking across the grounds, away from them, and preferably towards Reggie.

"Cissy, have you seen Reggie?" I asked Cissy who was reading in the common room.

"She's a bit touchy today, I wouldn't go in there if I were you," Cissy said nodding over towards their dorm.

"That's ok, I can handle it," I said walking towards the door.

"Dude, no," Malfoy said, shaking his head, I couldn't help but notice the big L painted on his forehead, probably from a spell.

"I'll never understand girls," I mumbled sitting down.

"So, where have you been?" Malfoy asked, making sure to role up his sleeves so we could see the new tattoo on his arm, although I must say my attention was drawn to the one on his forehead more.

"I've been by the lake, why?"

"No reason, you just look really completive today," Malfoy said, rather proud of his large vocabulary.

"I think you mean contemplative," I said as I pulled out a map of Hogwarts. I knew Sirius wanted me to go to the whomping willow, but somehow I still wanted to go.

"What did I say?" Malfoy asked

"You suggested that he was looking quite complete today, although I must say Snape, you do look like you are all in one piece today," Cissy said, putting her book away and heading towards her dorm.

Whoever said that Lily Evens was the only one who despised her husband when she was younger had clearly forgotten about Cissy.

At nine I left my dorm, ready to sneak into the night. As I entered the common room I was happy to see it was empty, no one to explain anything to.

"Night Reggie," I whispered on my way out the portrait hole.

"What are you doing up so late?" the man in the portrait demanded.

"A very top secret tap dancing class," I muttered as I passed. What could he do to me; he was a picture on the wall!

"Young man! Get back to bed!" the man on the portrait called after me.

"No sir, I must be getting to class, if I'm late I'll have to dance with Patricia again," I said, maybe I would get lucky and he would think I was sleepwalking. If not it would just be assumed I was crazy, witch was just as well.

The grounds were very different at night. Every shadow seemed to jump out at me threatening an attack. I was paranoid on a regular basis, but at tonight I was practically jumping out of my skin as I turned every corner. As I had expected neither Sirius nor Peter were waiting by the tree. Slowly I picked up a stick and approached the tree that began thrashing wildly. I didn't need this; someone could see I was out. Stupid tree.

"Good tree, nice tree, don't hurt me," I muttered as I snapped off a branch and advanced forward to the knot on the bottom of the tree root. The snapping of the tree branch had only made it madder. Maybe this is what Sirius had wanted, maybe there was nothing special about the knot, maybe he just wanted to say I had gotten my ass kicked by a tree. That did seem like something Sirius would do, but he would want to see that, and since I couldn't see him standing around watching me I assumed there was more and poked the tree.

Everything froze, including the tree. I had opened a small passage into the ground, with old grimy steps and a new set of footprints leading inside. Who was going to be in the tunnel?

I stepped forward, careful to watch out for debris that may cause injury.

The tunnel was dark, very dark. I lit the tip of my wand so I could see around. Since no one was in the small opening with me I stopped to think. I had made it this far; I couldn't afford anymore careless mistakes.

Fool me once, shame on Black… fool me millions of times, and that's where I begin to look stupid. I couldn't have that.

So I stopped to think this through. There was one of three things on the other end of this passage.

One was something embarrassing, like getting caught out side of school grounds. But Black wouldn't do that. Potter lived for my embarrassment, but Black went a bit deeper then that.

Two was something spiteful. I didn't bother to think this one though. It made me mad just thinking about what Black could be doing to make me angry. Reggie came to mind.

Then there was option three: something harmful. All my experience with Black said it wouldn't be lethal, just something to show he had outsmarted me once again, but not this time. He would have to leave evidence if he wanted the other students to know, and this meant proof that could be shown to a teacher. If I fought back I could get in trouble too, but if I were defenseless Black would be the one to blame.

I slowly set my wand down on the ground next to my feet and continued on my way down the passage in the dark.

Sometime in what seemed like the next two hours but had probably only been five minutes I reached the end of the tunnel. I could tell it was the end because I could see an open door emitting light. I walked towards the door.

That's when it happened. I heard the screams begin as Remus stepped into he doorway casting an early shadow on the ground at my feet. It was a horrible sight, what I had seen. Too terrible for words, yet somehow I still tried to put them into context in my mind. It was a transformation, that was for sure, but it was frightening. It was as if his skin ripped in half and he became a different person, a different thing. It was dreadful, but yet I stepped forward towards the light, towards the enormous monster.

"What are you doing?" I heard a voice hiss in my ear as my shoulders were wrenched backwards and into the complete darkness. I could still see the monster, and he had turned his head towards me and the person who had grabbed me.

"Hold still," I herd James, who had now let go of me, say.

"What?" I asked, my knees trembling.

"Don't move," James said stepping forward. "Hey, Moony, it's me. Prongs, remember me?"

The monster sniffed the air and looked towards James. I wondered why James was just standing there. I had known forever he could change form and this must be why, to keep 'Moony' company. So why was he staying human? Was it because I was here?

"Hey Moony… it's me," James cooed. "Don't bite."

I watched, frozen to the spot as James stepped forward, reaching out his hand to the monster like he would a puppy.

The monster stepped forward towards James.

"Run," James whispered to me, but I couldn't move. I was frozen with fear. I would kill Sirius for this!

"Run!" James said, tugging my arm as we raced down the corridor away from the howling monster that was too large to fit past a certain point.

We collapsed outside the tunnel onto the ground, both of us breathing heavily. I could have screamed if my lungs hadn't burned so much. I had never moved so fast in my life.

"I'm going to kill Sirius for this," James said, getting to his feet.

"Not if I get to him first," I said, heading in the other direction.


	16. You’re Friend The Man Eating Monster

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**Chapter fifteen- You're Friend The Man-Eating Monster**

**Song: Animal I Have Become – Three Days Grace (It's more about Lupin)**

* * *

"So you see, that's why you can't tell anyone about what you saw," Dumbledore said. 

I was sitting in his office with Potter, Black, and Lupin.

"Now, we will be providing a new wand for you since we can't expect you to go back and get the one that was dropped. Is everything clear?" Dumbledore asked.

Sirius raised his hand.

"We'll deal with you later," McGonagall said.

"I'm very sorry," Sirius tried.

"Oh, your sorry. That makes it all better! That helps so much!" I was practically screaming.

"Now, Severus, please clam down, I assure you he will be punished," professor Dumbledore said, handing me more of the potion they had been giving me to keep me clam. It smelled stale, and it sure as hell wasn't working, so it must have been expired. This school needed a new potions master.

"PUNISHED! If I had pulled that little stunt I would have been expelled!" I screamed.

"Now Severus," Slughorn said putting his hand on my shoulder, but I simply shrugged it off.

"So much for the stupid equality crap you guys preach! I would have been expelled, but these two purebloods have committed attempted murder! And you're going to let them stay at Hogwarts!?"

"Now Severus," I herd Sirius whisper, James hit him in the arm.

"You must understand, Mr. Black had no intention of getting you killed. He probably underestimated the seriousness of his actions," McGonagall said.

"Underestimated! You're underestimating him! He wanted to kill me!"

"That will be all, if everyone but Mr. Potter and Mr. Black would leave my office," Dumbledore said.

We were ushered into the hallway, Slughorn heading back to his office.

"I'm so sorry, really I am," Lupin whispered.

I didn't answer. What does one say to that. _"Oh sure, it's no big deal. You just tried to kill me, that's all!"_

"I really am," Lupin said as I headed back down to my dungeon dorm.

The year carried on though, and for a while it seemed as if Black and Potter had finally given up on taunting me. It was, after all, the least they could do.

My new wand didn't work as well as the old one. It is said that the wand chooses the wizard, and this new one didn't choose me. All the spells I tired backfired, usually in some strange way. I didn't dare try anything other then what was required of me in classes. It was horrible; the marauders had taken my one joy, magic, away. I despised them.

"Why did they give you a new wand? I remember last year when Malfoy broke his in a fight and he had to use that one or buy a new one," Reggie asked as I wrote down the ingredients to the shrinking solution on her hand for her upcoming potions test. Ok, so I had tried teaching her, but she was pretty thick when it came to potions, so cheating was the only option I had left.

"It's because I'm poor. I can't afford another one," I lied, "And Malfoy still had a wand, albeit a broken one, but I completely lost mine."

"Oh," she said looking down at the ink drying on her hand.

"There, that should be all. Now you know it's supposed to be green right? If it turns orange don't touch it at all costs!"

"I know, it's the rat spleens that threw me off last time. I got it now."

"Ok, and I'll be waiting to hear how it went," I called as she left the library.

I began to pack up my things for the day. It was Thursday, free period for us sixth years, but fifth years had one more class before dinner. Poor Reggie had her O.W.L.s next week, and then summer would be here only two weeks after that. I was praying hers wouldn't be as horrible as mine.

Black and Potter entered the Library, chummy as ever. They were laughing over something, and try as I might, eavesdropping was another of my talents.

"You think this means another fan girl?" Potter asked, nudging his friend in the arm.

"It might, or hell it could be a trick. You know she sticks up for him whenever something goes wrong."

"You know there is only one way to find out…" James said with a smile.

"Hogsmeade this weekend?"

"You bet!" James said, taking a seat by the window.

I left the room, trying not to be noticed. Those two were a mystery to me, and I never wanted to understand them. In fact, after Hogwarts I wanted to be as far away from them as possible. That shouldn't be hard since Sirius was likely to end up dead before his thirtieth birthday, and James would defiantly be in jail for another one of his horrible pranks. Lupin would probably be in some form of jail, a pound maybe. They really shouldn't let monsters like that around children. And Peter, well, we all knew he would do anything to stay alive.

As I passed a window down the stairs I couldn't help but notice the darkness outside. Reggie must have gone to dinner without me because classes were sure to be out. The moon had almost risen. A full moon at that. Meaning I would be staying in my bedroom, where I belonged.

I passed out on my bed, and I barely noticed when Avery and Goyle came in and began to snore. Even sleep talking Malfoy didn't wake me up. I was caught in a terrifying nightmare, the kind you can't wake up from, even if you wanted to.

When I awoke in the morning, all four of my roommates were sleeping soundly. Finally the first chance I had had in the last three weeks to take a hot shower. I made my way over to the bathroom, almost tripping over Crabbe's shoe on the way. This kid had very large feet.

After the first hot shower I had had in three weeks and the first shower that didn't run out of water halfway into it in five days I made my way down to the common room.

I had looked at the clock next to Avery's bed and discovered that it was only five in the morning, and still dark out I figured I would be the first one awake, so I wasn't completely dressed as I walked into the common room wearing my white shirt and black trousers. I had left my robes and tie upstairs, and would go back to get them when it was time to go to class.

I lit the fire in the grate and straightened up the papers all over the room. All the fifth years must have been up late studying. And I had slept through all that. It was odd since normally I was a pretty light sleeper. I wasn't normally a neat freak, normally I was rather disorderly, but when I had nothing better to do I would clean. It was a habit I had developed very young, when I learned that if I didn't clean no one else in my house would.

Finely when the common room was presentable and the clock read seven, when most Slytherins woke, I headed out of the dorm to get breakfast since I had skipped dinner last night.

"Password?" the portrait asked since I had startled it out of it's sleep.

"I'm leaving, I don't need a password to leave," I told it.

"You're that kid that likes to give me lip! Well, you won't be leaving here without a password!"

"Fine, Sopohorous, you happy?"

"Yes, now go get some sunlight, you don't look too healthy."

"Why thank you sir," I responded with my usual sarcasm. Why couldn't pictures just shut up? I think the muggles might have been on to something there.

As I turned a corner thinking about the sunlight I probably should be getting more of I tripped over something else. Did Crabbe leave shoes everywhere?

No, this was a small oddly shaped rectangular box. I lifted t up to my face so I could read the card scratched on it.

_To Severus Snape. From your dearest friend, the man-eating monster._

Lupin.

Now I was a bit frightened to open the box. But eventually my curiosity got the better of it and I lifted the lid off the top.

"What is it?" Reggie asked coming up behind me, fully dressed, and carrying my tie and robes.

"My old wand," I said, shocked.

So the marauders weren't all bad.


	17. Patricia

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**Chapter sixteen- Patricia**

**Song: Boulevard of Broken Dreams – Green Day**

* * *

It was a bright cheerful day today, the last day of school. My mood however was far from cheerful. I had known about Reggie's dates with Sirius. I had known about them, but I didn't see it going this far. Sirius was a lady's man; he went though three girls a week, why was he staying with Reggie so long. Why was she staying with him when I had warned her? 

"You're bitter," she said as I poked my toes into the great lake.

"Wow, you noticed?"

"Please don't be mad. It's just one summer, and then I'll be back at school with you before you know it. I mean it's not like we spend all our summer's together."

"He's an empty-headed ass!"

"Can you at least try to like him, for me," she begged.

"No!"

"Do you know how childish you seem? I thought you were an adult now!"

"Fine, I'll be nice, but you have to make me a promise."

"Anything Sevy!" Reggie said putting her head on my shoulder.

"You have to write me a letter, one a month, and I'll write you one back, but you don't have to read it. Just make sure you write me one."

"Of course I will! I'll write everyday!" she said.

"Hay! Reg! It's time to go!" I herd Sirius yell.

"Bye Sevy, I'll see you soon," she said bouncing off.

"Sucks, doesn't it?" Patricia, Reggie's slut of a roommate said helping me to my own feet.

"What's new?" I asked as she laughed a bit too enthusiastically.

I spent the summer at my own, muggle house. Malfoy would visit once in a while, but he was pretty busy with his new girlfriend most of the time. The one thing that shocked me was the constant visits from Patricia.

"Hey Severus," she said sitting down next to me on the little patch of grass I had found in my neighbor hood that hadn't been drowned by concrete.

"Not one letter," I mumbled. The summer was almost over and I hadn't gotten one single letter from Reggie.

"Aw, I'm sorry," she said putting her head on my shoulder, like Reggie had done so many times.

"Why do you care, Parkinson? I bet there are a million guys that you could be spending your time with."

"Aw, Sev, I don't call you Snape anymore. You know me better then to call me Parkinson."

"I'd prefer not to call you anything but Parkinson."

"Why? Afraid I'll get too close?" she asked inching her way onto my lap. She's a fake. I tried to remember everything Reggie had ever told me about her. She was a fake, a slut, and desperate for attention.

But then again, as long as she wanted my attention, what could go wrong. If she was trying to be a slut wouldn't she have aimed her sights a bit higher to a pretty muscular blond boy?

"Well? Are you going to kiss me or not?" she asked, with a joke in her voice.

"Do you want me to?" I asked, making up my mind. Why should I waste all my affection on Reggie, who had never once shown any interest in me? If Patricia said yes, to hell with Reggie. It was about time I moved on from my childhood crush. If Patricia said yes, I would kiss her.

"Yes."

And that's how I got my first girlfriend. It was kind of sad that I was seventeen, an adult, when it happened, but better late then never right?

That summer was memorable for so many reasons. The Patricia thing was the main one, but forgetting about Regina was a big deal too. Not only that, but I had gotten a lot taller, a lot taller. Of course with my house I had gotten a bunch of new scrapes and one new scar to add to my collection of reasons to hate summer.

The train ride had been a bit of a lonely one since Regina wasn't around, Patricia had gone off with other friends and Malfoy had claimed his cabin for himself and Cissy, his newest girlfriend. When I got off the train I didn't follow Malfoy and a bunch of the seventh year boys, who had finally started to accept me, up to the carriages. Instead I waited for Patricia to get off the train. That seemed like something a boyfriend would do.

Unfortunately the first person to run into me wasn't exactly someone I wanted to see.

"SEVY!" she yelled to me, but I tried to ignore her. She had never seemed to understand being ignored. She kept poking me and pulling on my sleeves, I just wanted her to go away. I couldn't believe she had abandoned me for them, and I wasn't going to forgive her for this finale mistake.

"Sevy, what's wrong?" she asked.

"I'm seventeen, don't call me Sevy. Don't you think it's a bit childish," I snapped back, turning my head a way, waiting for Patricia.

"But Severus, I've always called you that. Why are you so mad?" she asked, looking truly confused, as if she didn't know!

"Why am I so mad? Could you possibly be so stupid not to understand? I can understand why you wouldn't want to spend the summer at my house, or at your house, or even Cissy's. I can even understand wanting to spend it with Sirius, but not one letter Regina. So to summarize, I spent the entire summer getting my ass kicked by my father while you hung out with your friends all summer, and never once did you find time to write a letter to your best friend since you were eleven. I obviously don't mean as much to you as you did to me."

I could see that the words hurt her, even if she didn't. There were tears forming in her eyes, but she didn't seem to notice them. I wanted nothing more then to lean down and wipe them off her face, but I couldn't not be mad for what she had done.

"So if you're so mad at me then why were you waiting for me to get off the train?" she said, pretending to not be hurt at my outburst.

"I never said I was waiting for you," I responded as Patricia got off the train and walked over to me. I offered her my arm and she took it, resting her head on my shoulder. If I wanted to be mad at Regina Patricia would support me in this.

"Look who else has new friends," I called back to her.

* * *

**I hated writing this chapter from Snape's point of view, but it was important to Reggie's story, so I couldn't leave it out. Also, if you read 'The Diaries of RAB' some of this chapter was in there, but from a different point of view.**


	18. Why You Don’t Give Dogs Wine

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**Chapter seventeen- Why You Don't Give Dogs Wine**

**Song: (Whatever music you think should be playing at the party) **

* * *

And that was how the Regina-less era began. So it wasn't an era, it was five months, but that was the longest I had spent without her, and it really hurt. The worst part was that without her there to explain herself my anger just boiled, waiting for me to take it out on someone, usually for wrong reasons. 

"Snape, can I borrow a quill?" Regina asked in DADA.

"Why, so you can forget about it?"

"You're being an ass!"

"You're just jealous!"

"Of who? Patricia? Why would I be jealous that she's dating a prick like you?! Or maybe I'd be jealous of the other ten guys she's dating!"

"Hey!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, did you think you were the only one?"

And that's how we spoke, every time we spoke in those terrible five months. I didn't want to be mean to her, but anger is anger, and it is capable of turning even the best of us into the most adamant monsters. I couldn't believe she would go as far as to imply that Patricia didn't care for me the way I cared for her.

Patricia did nothing to assure me I was the only one, but I trusted her completely. Why wouldn't I?

"Please come to the party tonight?" she begged as I looked up from _Saucy Tricks for the Tricky Sort_.

"Sorry, but I think I'm just going to stay here and read. You have fun though," I said, kissing her forehead.

"I wouldn't let her go alone if I were you, mate," Malfoy said with a smile. In the last few days several people had spoken up, allowing me to acknowledge the fact that Regina wasn't the only one who didn't like Patricia. My friend Avery seemed to be the only one besides me who trusted her.

"But I don't want to go alone!" Patricia cut in, "Cissy is still not speaking to me and Reggie just called me something a proper lady such as myself wouldn't repeat."

"That's my girl!" Malfoy said with a smile. He was obviously referring to Regina's swearing, not Patricia's manors.

"Get lost Malfoy," I muttered.

"Please come with me!" she said, taking my book away.

"Ok, but I'm leaving if it's miserable."

This was just assumed that it was going to be miserable. Patricia had done some to boost my popularity, but I still wasn't the king of school. Especially since this wasn't a party exclusive to Slytherins I assumed that this promise would get me out of it pretty fast.

Not moments after we arrived did Patricia spot someone she had been friends with when she was younger and have to wander off to talk to him and his group of friends, leaving me, you guessed it, alone.

I sat down in an overstuffed chair, the party wasn't so bad. It was my fist Slug Club party, and probably the last, so I might as well try to enjoy it. The music was good, and the food wasn't all that bad either.

I grabbed another caldron cake and sat back to enjoy the music. As long as no one attempted to talk to me this party wouldn't be too bad.

"Man, you are really smashed!" I herd a familiar voice say. I kept my eyes closed; no good would come from looking at him, or whomever he was talking to.

"Not too much," Sirius hiccupped back.

"Listen man, Moony is taking off, and I'm going to spend some time with Lily, so if you could sit here quietly, not a single noise," James began, but was cut off when Sirius let out another really loud hiccup.

"Just stay here, and I'll be back for you," James grumbled as he hurried off.

Finally I opened my eyes, just enough to see Sirius sitting in a chair not far away from myself, guzzling another bottle of wine. The first thought in my head was how drunk he must have really been, and the second was how I could say or do anything, and he wouldn't remember it in the morning.

I moved over one more seat so I was sitting next to him. He blinked, and then asked, "Were you always sitting there?"

"Yes," I said.

"Oh… want some?" he said thrusting the bottle of wine under my nose.

"I think this one is empty…" I told him. He waved his wand and a new one appeared, he opened it with his teeth and took another swig of it.

"Do you know who I am?" I asked

"I might," he said, looking me over, it was a very serious look, until he hiccupped. "So who did you come here with?"

"Her," I said looking around to point at Patricia, but she was nowhere to be seen. "Well, I was dragged here by a girl."

"Girls are like that," he said taking another gulp.

"Maybe I should take that," I said reaching out for the bottle.

"No, mine!" he said holding it away from me, and almost loosing his balance in his chair. "So, you finally got over your little crush on what's-her-name?" he asked

"So you do know who I am!"

"No, it was a generic question. Most people in here have gotten over crushes, and until I figure out why you look so familiar I am going to stick to generic questions."

"Oh, well, how is Reggie?"

"Reggie? Reggie… Reggie! We broke up about two months ago. I think she ended it. I can't remember it right now though."

"Oh, do you remember why she ended it?"

"Something about another boy. She was mad that I took him away, or maybe I scared him away, and I said 'hey! If I'm not the only guy you like then screw you!' Or maybe that was Rachel… why do you ask?"

"Just wondering, it was over another guy? Maybe one of her friends?"

"Yes! That little snot nosed kid," Sirius said, pausing to look me over, "Yes, maybe she liked him, no it was something else… I feel like I'm taking a quiz!"

"She liked him, like… loved him?"

"Maybe, like I said, everything is kind of fuzzy right now… how did this get here!?" he said looking down at the bottle of wine in his hand and taking another drink.

"Do you miss her?" I asked. I knew I missed her, and I hadn't even had her in the sense that he had. If he said no, that he had been using her I would punch him and leave. So it wasn't a fair fight, but what's the big deal, its not like he had ever fought fair.

"Is the room spinning?" Sirius asked, spinning in his chair, "Oh, miss her? A little. It's not really like I miss her, it's just like, I don't know, I'm shocked she's gone. I can't believe it, because She was my Lily. Are you James?"

"No, James is coming back for you later. What do you mean she was your Lily?"

"I can't remember. Did I say that? I guess what I meant was that I thought we were soul mates. That sounds dumb doesn't it? But if I had a chance to do it over, I would do it differently. I wouldn't let her get away, ever; 'cause what if we only have one soul mate? What if I totally screwed things up an now I'm stuck at these shitty parties, drinking my weight in wine and not remembering half the people I talk to."

"Wow, you almost sounded sober when you said that."

"Just a little bit," he said holding up two fingers about an inch apart, "and coincidentally that is the size off…"

But I never got to hear what it was the size of because all the alcohol in his liver chose that moment to act up and cause him to faint out of his chair. I caught his arm, put him back in his chair, summoned a pair of sunglasses to put over his eyes, and left the party.

"Boomslang," I told the portrait, who snapped shut right as I was entering, catching my heel and the tip of my robes. People immortalized in pictures were often good at holding lifelong grudges.

Reggie was coming down the stairs holding a bunch of books as I tugged at my robes, trying to free them. The portrait really wasn't going to open for me.

"Maybe it's jealous of you," she spat, as she pushed it open and I went tumbling onto the floor, my robes twisted around me. I couldn't see, I was encased in the black fabric and the more I struggled the more I got entangled.

I felt a pair of hands reach down and I froze stiff as a board. Oh how mortifying it would be if half the Slytherin house saw me struggling in my own robes. When the cloth was removed from my eyes I was sitting against the back of the couch with Reggie pulling the fabric away from me.

When I gave her a curious look, she merely responded, "I figured if someone didn't free you soon, you'd start having flashbacks and trying to hex everything in sight."

I watched her leave the common room, she was going to study, which made sense since it was Friday, and I considered following her, until Patricia came into the room.

"I'm going to bed," I muttered, passing her on the stairs.

She called me a foul name, that I hoped was in good fun, but I didn't care, cause even though some names are particularly foul, some of them were true, and this one applied to me.

Had Reggie really broken up with Sirius because of me, or was he just too drunk to remember what really happened?

* * *

**I wrote this chapter because the idea of Drunk Sirius was amusing to me, but it turned into a bit more then that. Oh, and the flashback's Reggie was referring to was the one from his worst memory when Jame's turned him upside down.**


	19. Goodbye Patricia

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**Chapter nineteen- Goodbye Patricia**

**Song: Scotty Doesn't Know – Lustra (Never thought this would be in a Snape story)**

* * *

"Can I not get any reading done around here?! I mean do you girls just hate books or something?!" 

"Your seventeen now, I could sue you for slander!" Cissy said sitting down holding the book that had just been wrenched out of my hands

"No you couldn't, because I wasn't spreading untrue lies, just asking a question!"

"See, you don't need to read," Cissy said putting the book in her bag and staring me in the eyes

Since Patricia I felt a little more confident around girls, but Cissy's cold blue eyes saw straight into my soul, and that was a bit chilling. Ok, so maybe I was overreacting a bit, but Cissy was one of the few girls that still made me nervous. Especially since she wasn't saying anything, just glaring.

"We need to talk!" she finally said.

I sighed, "About what?"

"About Patricia."

"Not this again. Listen, if I see fit to trust her why don't you guys?"

"Because we care about you, and it hurts us to see you getting hurt. She's cheating on you, and you will have to face this sooner or later!"

"So why are you the first one to bring it up? If she was cheating on me wouldn't one of my friends have come to me first?"

"I told them not to. Malfoy would have told you to be a man! I'm trying to be nice, but you just have to learn!"

"She isn't cheating on me!" I said, standing up and storming out of the room.

I should have caught on to what Cissy was doing the first time I got an urgent note to meet her in the library. Of course I saw nothing unusual, there was nothing unusual to see. Avery was there, not Cissy, and I spent most of the afternoon studying with him.

The second time I was a bit annoyed, but I went anyway, only to once again find Avery, this time he was on the floor. Told me he had been hexed, so I helped him up, and we went outside for a swim in the lake.

The third time I was supposed to meet her in an abandoned hallway. I already knew I wouldn't find her there, so I didn't go. She seemed angry when I showed up at her dorm, asking why I was supposed to be meeting her.

But the fourth time was different. This time the note said the astronomy tower, but it might as well have said the great lake. She knew I would come to her dorm to find her, and that's what I did. Unfortunately I didn't find her there. I found Patricia, which makes sense, it was Patricia's dorm too, but Avery had no right to be in the girls dorm. No right at all, and even less to have his shirt off. And even less then that to be touching Patricia. Bless them both, they didn't try to make lame excuses, they gave me silence to comprehend everything that I saw. Avery didn't even bother to move out of the way when I pulled out my wand.

I knew the perfect curse for him, just the perfect one, but I couldn't use it. I didn't hate Avery, he was my friend, and that was the problem. I muttered a leg-locker curse and ran out of the room. I had never had a girlfriend before, but it think it is safe to assume that if you catch her making out with your best friend, well, things are pretty much over from there.

"Snape!" I herd Cissy call as I ran out of the portrait hole, but I didn't stop for her.

I had no clue where I was going, but I had every intention of getting as far away from that room as possible. Somehow my legs managed to carry me to the library. As I stopped outside the door I realized that I had been crying. Isn't it amazing how you can cry and not realize it? I wiped the tears away and looked into the library. Reggie had a book in her hand, she was ready to throw it, but I stepped in and lowered it to the table.

That's all it took, and it was Sevy and Reggie again. It was like the only thing keeping us apart all this time had been Patricia, and now that she was gone I could have Reggie back.

I also realized that Reggie hadn't been a silly childhood crush. Here in the moonlight, I could see she wasn't my childhood friend. She was older, more mature, but nothing had changed in the way of our friendship. Even over these last five months nothing had changed about Reggie, and nothing had changed about the way I felt towards her, and if what Sirius had said was true, hopefully nothing had changed about the way she felt towards me.


	20. Facing Adulthood

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**Chapter nineteen- Facing Adulthood**

**Song: Graduation Day – Head Automatica**

* * *

The rest of the year was like the beginning had never happened. Regina was stronger, not as schoolgirl-ish as she had been before, and I found I had barely changed at all. Why was I always the character lacking a character arc? But I needn't have worried, my character arc would come, and it would be the best or the worst of them all.

Soon I turned seventeen, a legal adult, and used all my money to buy a house. It was small, and defiantly a bit of a home improvement project, but I figured I would have time in the future, little did I know I would be lacking in time until I was thirty-seven, almost twenty years later.

As graduation day approached fast I couldn't believe the changes in the students around me. I couldn't help but watch the giddy, gay, second years in the common room and wonder, had we ever been like that?

And yes, even those who fought it the hardest had to grow up eventually. As much as I despised the four I had to pay my respects. They had managed to keep maturity away for as long as possible. Longer then the rest of us. Unfortunately for the rest of us, their gaining maturity was a slow thing that happened gradually over time. One of them wouldn't even live to be a full adult. There I have to pay my respects as well.

But before we knew it we were graduating, and then came the after graduation party. It was a wonderful night with Reggie, and she was trying to stay strong, I know she had to be, but what was going on inside? I refrained from reading her thoughts, but I knew what was troubling her. I had never been happier then I had Reggie by my side, but I knew that she wasn't as happy with me. So, if I gave her up I would be miserable, but I had been miserable before, and wasn't what Reggie wanted more important. If I told her it would be ok would I be crossing that friend line? Would that mean I would remain a friend forever? Why was this all so complicated?

Reggie was the most important thing. It hardly seemed fair that I would push her feelings away, but what about fair to me? If I loved her then I would be able to let her go, to let her be happy. Isn't that what love was about. Poor Reggie had lost a love because of me, shouldn't I be able to give it back? The poor girl had seen so much misery in the last year, and I couldn't help but feel responsible. But this is what it came down to. Should I tell her how I feel and pray she feel the same? Or should I tell her she should go to Sirius and let her go? She was miserable without him, and now I had to ask myself, does she matter that much to me? She did.

As I watched her slip through the portrait hole I couldn't help but feel a little pain. But it was over quickly the next day, when summer was there, and Reggie came to see my new house. She was so proud of me, and I have to admit, my chest swelled with pride knowing I had started my adult life. That I could afford a house, and that I was already one step away from my old life of poverty. Reggie even stayed the night about twice a week in the attic bedroom, which she had made her own and moved some of her own things into.

She spent most of her summer with Sirius, and I spent mine with Malfoy and Narcissa, who had announced their wedding date, and needed all the help they could get to make it perfect. Bellatrix had already announced she wasn't going, and I was made best man, Reggie became the maid of honor. It was a wonderful summer that flew by in a gust of ribbons, cake, and pastels. But when school approached for Reggie and Narcissa (whose teachers were not happy she had been married) darkness followed.

For the summer Malfoy had shown his happy side, but now that Narcissa was in school again, and she couldn't keep him from doing things he shouldn't be doing he fell back in line with the dark lord, and by doing so, he dragged me and Reggie, and poor frail Cissy with him.

It wasn't long before we were initiated into the cult, a day I would never forget.

The initiation took place in a graveyard, setting the grim mood. Reggie had told me the night before that this was just a way to spy for the order. I told her she shouldn't say such things, always the coward, avoiding my number one enemy; death. I promised her however I would do the same, but we both knew it was a lie. I had joined both sides to keep safe; if one failed I had a place to stay with the other. But I'm getting ahead of myself, back to that fearful night at the graveyard, where the dark lord stood before us, his wand brandished as a line of his new followers stepped forward. At last it was my turn.

I stepped forward, clutching Malfoy's hand as he led me forward.

Slowly I knelt as he instructed me to, pulling back my long black sleeves.

The hooded figure of what used to be Tom but was now an inhuman monster put his wand forward and the pain seared forward. I had never felt worse as I tightened my grip on Malfoy's hand; he stood staring forward. My eyes were shut, as the pain leaked through me, but I wouldn't cry, that was weakness and I wouldn't be weak. I looked toward Malfoy, but he looked away, embarrassed to see the pain on my face. Whether he was ashamed of my weakness, or of his own decisions I couldn't tell.

When it was over at last they let me walk back as the line moved forward. Reggie was up next and Malfoy offered her his hand. She pushed past him, steel fire in her eyes. I stepped forward and offered her my hand, but again she pushed it away.

I watched as she knelt, as she thrust back her sleeve.

This time a kept my eyes open and watched the process. The tip of the dark lord's wand touched her arm and I remembered the pain I had felt, the pain that still lingered there. But she didn't flinch. She didn't close her eyes.

I watched the black snake though her veins as it formed a picture. _The_ picture. The Dark Mark.

But she didn't move. Her eyes stared wide at the hooded figure, fire still burning within them. Her jaw was clenched as she stared at the figure. She was telling him something he didn't want to hear. She was telling him her will would never be broken. He held the wand there forever, causing more pain by the second, trying to break her, trying to bend her but her eyes just stared back into his hood.

Something was wrong, this was taking too long. She had to be weak, but if she was we couldn't see it. No one dared stick up for her though. If the dark lord saw it fit to torture her more then the others they shouldn't object.

When he finished she stood up, didn't even waver from pain. The pain I knew was still there, it was still in my arm. She marched forward towards me. Her guard never dropped, she was a cold machine, no feelings, and no pain. Her eyes still burned, but with a different fire by the time she reached me.

We were near the back, no one could see us, but she still was looking fierce, and tiger ready to pounce, she would never be broken. That's when she reached me.

"Sevy, it hurts," she said in a raspy voice.

"I know it does," I whispered.

I watched the fire in her eyes flutter and her lids closed. I caught her in my arms as she fainted, and kept her hidden from view. I would not let them see her weakness. She would never be broken.

Not if I could help it.

* * *

**Sorry it took so long to get this one up. I promise I will have it finished and posted before the seventh book comes out though.**


	21. A Hero Is Born

**Ok, so this chapter is very much like the one in Reggie's story, but it was such an important night in both their lives I couldn't bring myself to change much of it, although I tried to.**

**Chapter twenty- ****A Hero Is Born, An Exile Created, And A Villain Is Conceived**

**Song: Don't Wanna Think About You – Simple plan**

* * *

After that, time become more confusing. There was no real definition of fun and fear. I couldn't say, well yesterdays was fun, today will be full of fear. I learned that as an adult, particularly one living such a dangerous life as a spy, even one that pretends to be a spy like myself, time worked differently. It was spontaneous, and a fun morning with Reggie could end in the capture and sentencing of one of our friends.

Patricia had a child, or at least she announced that she had a child, when the little girl was already two or three years old. The Potters had a baby boy not yet born but would be soon, and Narcissa was near the end of her pregnancy. I was announced the godfather of the little boy, Bellatrix the godmother. Regina was offered the position as the godmother of the Potter's child, but denied it for she had never been the motherly sort. She detested the little boy from the start. Everyone else seemed to see something special in him, even I had to admit he was destined for greatness, but Regina thought he would never be anything more then a whinny child, no matter how old he would grow.

But now I am getting to the part of my story I least enjoy telling. The part where my character arc comes; the part that changes my life.

I can't remember the exact date, but I got hold of news, big news. It came from a mediocre prophet, a girl that even I, the bottom of the popularity chain, had made jokes about. Sybill Trelawney. I don't know what possessed me to believe it, but I herd it, listening at doors again, and tried my best to keep it to myself. But with news such as this one it is hard to hide, even with a skill at Occlumency. Malfoy found out, not the first person I had wanted to tell, yet the first all the same. He persuaded me to go to the dark lord about it; that I would be rewarded, and still I did not go. It was only until he told me that I would be killed if I didn't take this news to the dark lord did I go forward.

But alas that isn't the day I regret the most. It was October thirty-first, a Halloween night, that I regretted. The night that Peter Pettigrew betrayed his friends, the night Sirius Black was arrested, the night the Potters died, I had the ultimate falling out with Reggie. And lucky me got to witness most of it first hand. The night proceeded closely to what follows.

It was a pleasant teatime with Cissy and the two-year-old chewing on whatever he could get his hands on. Fun. Then Malfoy entered, obviously had been drinking since he was so loose with his tongue, with news that the dark lord was going to destroy the Potters tonight, Peter had reveled the secret. Fear.

My immediate thoughts were of finding Reggie, keeping her out of this mess. Her rashness would make her want to intervene, and I loved her still too much to let her die. And all because of the prophecy and me.

I went to her house, and she was not to be found, the whole place was empty, I went to Sirius's house, but the same was to be said. It was only a matter of luck that as I was on my way back to Cissy's that I stumbled across a scene. Twelve muggles were dead, and a man named Peter Pettigrew had been killed as well, I gathered from one of the onlookers. And there in the middle of the crowd stood Sirius, being hauled away by the ministry for murder, but my eyes didn't fall on his resisting form, they fell on Reggie.

I had arrived just in time to hear her scream.

"It wasn't him. He's not a death eater, I am, and Peter Pettigrew isn't dead!"

I watched in horror as she pulled up her sleeve for all to see, trying to push my way to the front of the crowd, trying to get to her, but I couldn't just yet. I could feel tears sprinkle my own eyes as the poured out of hers, as she fell to the ground, as her body went limp. Sirius too was having trouble watching the scene and began to struggle more, trying to get back to his girlfriend. But I was the one who finally made it towards her; I was the one who took her home, because I wasn't the one who was sent to Azkaban for life.

Once I felt she was home safe and tucked into her bed I went down to her kitchen to make a pot of coffee.

When I returned to her room with the mug for her she was slicing at her arm with her wand, pail and fragile, yet filled with that strange willpower she had always had.

In panic and frustration I dropped the mug running over to stop her. As I sewed up the wounds she had caused she had explained she was attempting to get rid of the dark mark on her arm. I managed to clean away the snake, but the skull would be a reminder of the death eaters, and the trouble we were all in, for years.

She was delusional, I knew this, yet her words stung just as much as she accused me with them, they were just as horrible as if she hadn't been so emotionally distressed. I had tried to cheer her, but that only caused her to turn on me more.

"Don't be like that Reggie, I'm so sorry you lost him, but there will be others. You're too young to think of yourself as a widow, he was just a silly boy, Reggie."

"You only say that because you wish to be one of the others, but if you were a true friend you would be morning his loss as I am. We both know he is as good as dead in that horrible prison," she said, her words stinging like poison. I hated Sirius even more then usual now for doing this to her. But still, how could she push me away?

"Don't shut your emotions off like that Reggie, don't be callous," I said, fighting back tears of my own, but I don't think she realized how much this was hurting me.

"Severus, only the weak were their emotions on their sleeves, only the weak let someone know how they truly feel. Those controlled by ignorance, by anger, they are weak. I shut my emotions off for my own pleasure, not to spite you, but if you were wise you would do the same."

"Reggie…" I pleaded, not knowing how much those words would affect my life.

"Don't argue with me. You know as well as I that it's all your fault! If you had never uttered a word about that stupid prophecy then Tom wouldn't have wanted to kill the Potters and Sirius wouldn't have needed to be angry with Peter. You're a rat, just like Pettigrew! I have stayed a spy to help the order, you know this, but you, you're on both sides for one reason Severus! You are on both sides because you are too much of a coward to pick one! Because as it currently stands you have a place to stay no matter which side wins, and why would you give that comfort up?" she said, her voice dripping with unadulterated malice and hatred. How could she not see that I was trying to help her? I was only trying to help her.

"Reggie, please, I would never wish this upon any one, I regret it I do…"

"Don't you dare lie to me," she said, her voice shaking as she choked back a fresh batch of tears, "Don't you dare. This is just as much your fault as it is Tom's and Pettigrew's. And you can't even honestly say you didn't want this. So don't try to say you feel just as much sorrow as me, because after all these years as your friend I think I deserve the courtesy of honesty!"

And that's when I lost it, that's when I spilled the words I never should have said. The words that I can only assume were the ones that pushed her away.

"Reggie, there you go again jumping to conclusions," I said, no longer caring how my words affected her, I just needed to clear my case. "I think you disserve honesty too, so here it is! I will admit to telling the dark lord about the prophecy, I will admit to doing this out of anger towards James, but I feel just as much remorse over this as you do! Two people died tonight because of my decision. A child was orphaned, and a man was thrown in jail for a crime he didn't commit. While I admit that I hated this man, that I cannot possibly compare my loss to yours, at least let it be said that I am sorry for what I did. My decision ruined five lives tonight, if not more, and I regret that. How's that for the honesty you disserve?"

" I'm leaving," she said suddenly jumping from her bed and bolting out the door. Of course she was running away. She had never been a big fan of listening to reason she didn't want to hear. I waited until I heard her slam the front door behind her, and then I left. When she returned tonight she would want to be alone.


	22. It’s Time to Choose a Side

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**Chapter twenty-one – It's Time to Choose a Side**

**Song: Far Away - Nickelback**

* * *

When I woke up the next morning, the sunshine glittering through the windows the first thought I had was of Reggie. I would go see her this morning, make sure she was all right.

Once again I would hold her while she cried, once again I would be the rational one, and once again I would utter the lie that everything was going to be ok. I thought these incidents were things we would leave in our childhood. But here she was, twenty years old, and it was still a ritual.

I went downstairs after pulling on my robes, and made myself a quick pot of coffee, intent on drinking it while I walked to Regina's.

My mood was ruined when I entered the living room.

Bella stood pacing the floor, Cissy had tears running with her eyeliner down her cheeks, and her child sat on the floor, chewing on the newspaper. How had they gotten into my house, and why?

"Severus!" Cissy howled when she saw me, causing young Draco to burst into tears as well.

"What's wrong?!" I asked, franticly scooping up the small boy and rocking him back and forth till his tears stopped.

That's when I saw the newspaper he was holding. On the front was the story of Sirius's arrest. I had a sick feeling in my stomach as I picked it up, and like I had said before my feelings were usually right.

I read the article and breathed with relief when I found out that it never once mentioned Reggie. I walked over to Cissy and put my arm on her shoulder.

"It's fine," I cooed, "She ran away last night, but we'll find her this morning."

Cissy just shook her head and wailed again, sending Draco into more howls of tears.

I stood and picked him up again, rocking him in my arms.

"Turn the paper over," Bella whispered handing me the paper and taking Draco into her own arms.

I slowly did and the sickening feeling appeared in my stomach again as I turned the paper over to read the obituaries.

I dropped the paper extremely fast when my eyes read of her death.

Things went black, only later did I realize it was because I had squeezed my eyes shut extremely tight. I fell to my knees on the carpeted floor. A strange potion had been found in her bloodstream? Reggie wouldn't have done something like that would she?

I could feel Bella's arms on my shoulder, and Cissy's too. Draco was still screaming but I could feel his own small hands my shoulders next to his mother's.

I couldn't think straight, I was curled into a ball on the carpet, my eyes shut tight, tears still managing to escape. This wasn't how things were supposed to end. I understood Reggie's words last night, about being emotionless. This hurt, the emotions stung hard. I felt as if a hole had opened up in my chest, and I fought to close it, but I just couldn't.

But the worst was that somehow I felt it was my fault. It had been my fault that Sirius was arrested, so did that mean it was my fault that Reggie had…

I tried like she had, to shut my emotions off. And eventually the tears stopped and so did the pain. I sat up from the carpet, a different man then I had been when I had fallen. I was the same Snape I had been before I had met Reggie. Emotionless, cold, and bitter.

I sat up pushing Draco away as her tried to play with my hair. Narcissa looked shocked at my actions and scooped her child into her arms. Bella understood though.

"Things are changing. This is what happens to those who are undecided. It's time to choose your side Snape," Bella said, seeing the steel look on my face. The tears that remained there were from a different man, one who had cared about people. Bella saw that was gone now.

They left me there to greave but I didn't. Why should I? She had left me! Why should I care if she didn't? Instead I replayed Bella's words in my mind. It's time to choose a side.

I went to see Dumbledore that night.

* * *

**And now he becomes the evil Snape we all love to hate, but don't worry, he still isn't as bad as Harry makes him out to be.**


	23. Uncle Snape

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**Chapter twenty-two - Uncle Snape **

**Song: Jump – Simple Plan**

* * *

I had told myself I didn't care, but emotions were hard to get rid of. Over the next couple of years I constantly found myself waking to tears. But whenever I could I remained firmly away from emotions. It was hard, but at the same time it was easier.

Another thing I had told myself I wouldn't do was visit her grave, but I did anyway. Since it had been a suicide the grave keeper wouldn't allow her to be buried in the graveyard. Seeing the stone made me sick, it brought tears to my eyes that I couldn't control. Reggie had never seemed the type, but she was rash, and there was a good chance this was a rash decision; I guess we would never know.

It was a small stone, much less then she deserved after touching so many lives. Cissy had tried to replace it with a much larger one, but again the grave keeper insisted that this be the one to stay. It made me sick.

They hadn't even bothered to spell her name right. Poor Reggie, I didn't want to still be here, I wanted to be getting back to Hogwarts, where I was needed, where it was easier to ward of my emotions. But I stayed.

I bent down and placed a single red rose on her grave, roses had always been her favorite flowers. Well, she had liked thistles too, but there were plenty growing around her stone, so I just brought the rose.

As I read the inscription for the last time, I promised myself I wouldn't come back. What would be the use of that?

_Rest In Peace, Regina Alice Berl__**e**__nson, May She Live On After Death._

It wasn't until five years later that I would learn how ironic that truly was. Irony. Regina's favorite form of a joke. A cruel, sick, joke.

But I kept my word to myself; after I left the gravestone I didn't come back. I stayed at Hogwarts all the time. I didn't even bother to come home for the holidays.

I soon learned that my job as potions master wasn't all that bad, my job as head of house was a different story.

"And then she said…" the little girl said bursting in tears. I wasn't comfortable around crying women; imagine how I felt around this crying child.

"So, what do you expect I'm going to do about this?" I asked the little first year.

"Well," she sniffed, "I was hoping she'd get detention."

"Miss… whatever your name was, you are in Slytherin, and you want me to sort out your problems. Be a… Slytherin? Sort out your own problems."

"But," the little girl said, trying to choke back more tears.

"Listen, take revenge, that's what Slytherins do, we don't go crying to an adult! That's just what sissies do!" for a moment I thought she was going into another crying fit.

"So you're saying… that if I do mean things to her, that's what you want me to do?" the little girl asked.

I sighed; really this job would be wonderful without the students.

"Yes, Miss first year," I said realizing I didn't know her name even though this was the eighth time she had come to me this month. "Now the rules say that if you cause permanent injury or death you will be expelled, and if I catch you I have to send you to detention, but as long as I don't know. I like to stick to a don't ask don't tell policy."

Yes, I really shouldn't be allowed to mold the future of children. I had already gotten in trouble for rewarding house points to students who used sarcasm in my class. Apparently that is not what house points are for.

I never left my office; all the whining little brats came to me with their problems, all the students eager to learn potions came to me as well. I eventually got the house elves to deliver food to me, so I had no reason to leave my office. Well, I had one reason to leave my office.

Dumbledore, a kind and forgiving man, one of many people that I will respect till I die, made it his goal to get me out of my office.

"Please Severus, go home and spend your holiday with friends, or family."

I didn't tell him my father was dead and my mother had disappeared in order to escape prison. Instead I pointed out I didn't have friends.

"Servrus, the Malfoys have already invited you to their Christmas party, I'm sure they'd be glad to see you. Go! That's an order Severus! Go and be marry!"

So I went. I didn't see the point. I sat out for most of the party. Cissy had become a ghost of a person; everyday she grew weaker as Malfoy grew a bit stronger, as if he were feeding off her innocence. Malfoy tired introducing me to the women at the party, but I had managed to slip his attention for the moment.

"Uncle Snape!" Draco cheered as he threw himself down into the chair next to mine.

"Aren't you supposed to be in bed?"

"Yes, but it's Christmas, I can't sleep on Christmas. And look at all the colorful clothes!"

"Yes, it is indeed too many colors."

"Too many? I'd say not enough! I love these parties don't you?"

"They are ok," I had to admit; I couldn't disagree with the boy's smiling face. I had taken a liking to him from the moment he was born.

"Father says I'll be starting school next year! You'll be my teacher right?"

"Yes, I guess I would. And knowing your family I'd be the head of your house as well."

"I can't wait! What's Hogwarts like?"

"It's well… magical, now you need to be getting off to bed or you'll be in trouble," I said with a smile as the ten year old boy, still full of innocence went running down the hall in that ungraceful manor that children have.

I had to feel a bit sad at the same time, for time was passing by, and it wouldn't be long until Draco was an adult. And then what kind of adult would he be? Would he be weak, and frail like his mother, or full of power and arrogance like his father? Or could he be like me, hiding in the shadows, not speaking my mind, but having plenty to say? Or could he be like another yet? Full of courage and energy, with a bit of an angry side. Only time could tell, and as for me, I would be praying he'd be like the latter.


	24. Harry Potter

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**Chapter twenty-three – Harry Potter**

**Song: My Immortal - Evanescence**

* * *

Unfortunately Draco's time at Hogwarts came faster then I had hoped. I wouldn't have minded if he was one of the only new students arriving, but with him he brought two children that I couldn't have hated more. Pansy Parkinson. No one knew her real father, only guessed at it, but I had done the math, in my spare time I had narrowed it down to two people, and since one of them was blonde it would be almost impossible for him to be the father. I didn't like the other option that was left. The girl defiantly took after he mother, no brains whatsoever, and a certain love for getting herself into trouble most girls her age hadn't even learned about yet. Yes, I didn't like this child, maybe because everyone thought she was mine, maybe because I hated her mother, or maybe just because she showed no respect for anyone, but she wasn't the worst child in her year.

I will never forget the day I first saw him. Never. In that one day, before he had even spoken a word to me, before he even knew who I was he successfully managed to tear a hole my carefully built up emotionless wall, allowing three emotions to slip out. Anger, regret, and sarcasm, if you could call the latter an emotion.

His green eyes turned towards me at the high table, and I froze, who knows with what. Anger? Fear? In his face I saw his father, the man I hated most, his mother, and his mother had always looked so much like Regina. I continued to stare long after he tore his eyes away.

As I stared into the distance, not knowing what anyone thought I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Severus? Do you need to…"

"Thank you sir," I said standing and pushing Dumbledore's hand from my shoulder. I needed to get away from that face. It sounds psychotic, but in that one boy's face I saw my past, and once again I tried to run for it. I didn't do a very good job, because soon I found myself at a graveyard I hadn't visited in a while.

The hooded figure kneeling at the grave jumped as I approached.

"Oh, it's just you," she said, settling back onto the ground and wiping away tears.

"It's just me," I said sitting down next to her.

"I never thought…" Cissy began, but her tears interrupted. "What has happened to our lives? We used to be…"

"Normal?" I guessed

"Happy."

And for the first time since that morning so long ago I cried for my lost friend. And somehow with Cissy there I felt for the first time since Reggie 'left' that I didn't want to be alone. That the company of someone else was… good.

So while I hated the little boy, the son of my enemy, I had to thank him. I had been living in an emotionless sleep for my ten years, and he had woken me up. Although I would soon learn that with the good emotions came the bad ones.

"Cissy," I said picking her up, "Let's get you home."

"She never seemed the type"

"I know," I said wrapping my own cloak around the frail woman that hadn't shown any spirit since her son was three. She had been like me, but who was here to wake her up?

"You know, she always said being underestimated was her greatest weapon. Maybe she was the type all along and we underestimated her. Or maybe we overestimated her."

"I get the feeling we underestimated her, I get the feeling there was so much about her that we never knew."

"Thank you Sevy, I appreciate it."

I smiled at the old nickname. It felt good to be called that again.

Little did I know, there was so much, so very much we hadn't uncovered yet. I only wished I had figured it out earlier so I could have spent the next four years searching.

I dropped Cissy off at her house, expecting she would turn and leave, but instead she turned to me.

"Wounds heal with time," she said gravely, in the dark with her pail hair blowing in the wind, my cloak was the only thing keeping her from looking like a ghost.

"I know, we just haven't had enough time yet," I said.

She handed the cloak back, "I'm here, all you have to do is call."

And I would, I would trust Cissy from that day on, and it would be my downfall.


	25. The Drought of the Living Dead

**Before I start this chapter I would like to say that I do NOT support the Hermione and Snape pairing, in fact it is one of the few pairings I can't read fanfictions about. But I DO believe that Snape likes Hermione a bit more then he lets on. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**Chapter twenty-four – The Drought of the Living Dead**

**Song: Slipped Away – Avril Lavigne**

* * *

Time passes. Sometimes it's hard to tell. But time does pass. It's a funny thing the things that stick out in your mind. In the next two years a basilisk was released in the school intent on killing Harry Potter and one of our very own professors proved to be hiding the dark lord's soul inside of him. Again with the irony. Like the dark lord had a soul. 

But no, those things were trivial to me, living half in and half out of my own little world. Potter had woken up the bitter part, but it would take someone who had been kind to me to wake up the more… joyful side.

In Draco's third year we were seeking out yet another DADA teacher, and yet again I was turned down. Oh, Dumbledore trusted me, or so he said. He claimed the reason for not giving me the job was to keep me away from my dark past, everyone assumed this meant the death eater part of it, but I had a suspicion that he felt if I was allowed around so many dark curses that it would wake up a different part of my past. Was he worried I would end up in the ground with the same fate as Reggie?

While being stuck in the Hogwarts castle for so long one must pick up a hobby if that person doesn't wish to go insane. I had picked my old hobbies back up: hating anyone with the last name Potter, and listening at doors.

It was by this way that I happened to find out just what kind of candidates Dumbledore was hiring.

"Minerva, I just can't seem to find someone that fits the bill. Over three hundred résumés, and none of them are just the right type. What do you think?"

There was a shuffle of papers as Dumbledore handed them to McGonagall.

"All of these seem perfectly acceptable. Oh, what about this one!"

There was more shuffling of papers.

"Now, Minerva, he was barely welcome as a student here, I'm not sure parents would approve of such a thing. You remember how much trouble he used to get in and then there was that incident with…"

"Albus! Do you honestly think your going to find someone better? The children would love him, and as for the parents not welcoming him, well, all of our teachers can't be death eaters now can they?"

"I've told you before! I trust Severus implicitly, and I truly believe he is no longer a death eater. I know much more about his past and his regrets then you do."

"No one, Albus, no one stops being a death eater!"

"But what if they weren't truly a death eater to begin with, Minnie?" I said pushing open the door and striding into the office holding a term paper that I believed to be copied out of a book.

"Severus! What would you think of hiring Remus?" Dumbledore said tossing a paper into my hands.

"I don't believe my input is welcome here," I said, handing the paper back.

"He knows as well as I, there would be no better teacher then Remus," McGonagall cut in.

"I know nothing more then there is no possible way to place the students in any more danger, with that madman on the loose, you know how close Lupin was to Black, there is no doubt that they will be in contact, and then you have his 'little furry problem' as I believe you called it when he so viciously attacked me," I said running out of breath, "But I also know there would be no one the students would look forward to seeing more each day then Lupin, who I believe is still a child under his sorrow."

And with that I left the office, only to find out a week later that Remus would be the new DADA teacher. And only moments after the man arrived on campus did he pay a visit to my office to thank me for the help I gave him in getting the job. Apparently Dumbledore had told him that I had put in a good word for him. Was _no possible way to place the students in any more danger_ and_ viciously attacked me_ good words? If so, I've herd that Bellatrix Lestrange is looking for a job, maybe we could hire her as well.

It just so happened that I was also given the responsibility of making the potions to keep Lupin away from his monstrous side. I was told it was a compliment on my skills as the potions master, I found it an insult, stating that I had nothing better to do with my free time. Even though I didn't.

It was one of these nights when I was making the potion I reached for the jar of spiders, trying to stir the potion while unscrewing the lid, and in the process my sleeve brushed the desk, sending papers and jars flying.

I watched as one piece of paper, a small black and white square fell by itself, and then as one of my potions teetered on the edge of my desk. I should have chosen to pick up the potion, but instead I kneeled down and grabbed the picture, smiling as I turned it over to see Reggie, joking around as I stood there, looking absolutely board, but occasionally a small smile crept across my face.

There was a crash as the bottle fell from my desk, and just as the world began to spin I felt a mist on the back of my neck and smelled the blackberry scent of one of my favorite potions. The drought of the living dead. I fell down, and the world went black, but only for a minute, for soon I was standing on top of a hill, in what appeared to be a muggle village. Everything around me was sepia. A short woman stood next to me.

She was much older now, but I recognized her at once. She stood with the wind blowing through her cloak, her frizzy reddish brown hair pulled into a bun. She was just as forgettable as ever, but there was still something beautiful about her if you looked hard enough.

"Reggie," I said, but she continued to stare off into the hills, down to a cottage below where a small boy sat on the front steps playing with a toad.

"Is it you?" I asked, reaching out to put a hand on her shoulder.

"Only for a while. It's hard to tell who I am."

"I've missed you."

"I would say the same, but you know how hard lying is for me. Sometimes I regret it, others I'm glad I'm alone now. Isn't he beautiful?" she said pointing down to the little boy.

"You didn't even say goodbye…"

"You would have stopped me. It would have been too hard. But I like it here, with him," she said pointing to the boy again.

"Who is he?"

"A part of me. I guess you could say he's my inner child," she chuckled. "He reminds me of you. Very quite, and lonely. It's so sad to see him alone."

"But I'm alone Reggie. I'm alone and you don't seem to care!" I said, suddenly feeling like a child again, suddenly I was a child again. but Reggie remained an adult, and as emotionless as before.

"I do care, but you aren't alone. You have Cissy, and her son."

"What's death like?"

"A lot like living," she said with a laugh, and then she turned to me. "So much like living I don't believe I'm dead! Professor?"

"What?" I asked as I began to move away from the small sepia scene.

"Professor?" she said again.

I felt my eyes opening, and I was looking up at a much younger Reggie. She said the word professor again, and my view changed a bit. It wasn't a younger Reggie. It was Hermione Granger. She was kneeling beside me, I had passed out on the stone floor. She looked panicked, but once I began to sit up she smiled. Probably the first and last time she would be glad to see me alive.

"What are you doing here?" I said sitting up and heading back to the cauldron, containing a now very burnt potion.

"I had some questions," she said as she too rose to her feet.

"Well?" I asked, turning around to see her holding the picture of Reggie and me.

"She died didn't she?" Hermione asked.

"What were your questions!?" I said, snatching the picture away.

"Oh, I was wondering what you knew about werewolves," she stammered, obviously startled by the picture of me and what would appear to be a close friend.

"Why would I know anything about werewolves?"

"Well, sir, I was thinking about some of the things Professor Lupin was saying and I was wondering if maybe there was something more to it then just a lesson plan?"

"Miss Granger, please leave my office."

She turned to go, but as she rested her hand on the doorknob she turned back around, "She died didn't she?"

I considered throwing a jar of snake fangs at her, but finally decided to let it go.

"Yes, Miss Granger, she died a very long time ago. That is the last picture I took of her."

"Did Volde– he-who-must-not-be-named do it sir?"

"No, Miss Granger, she did it herself. Now if you could please leave my office before the affects of this potion wear off and I think twice about not giving you a detention."

She nodded and slipped out the door. She wasn't all that bad. Much like me. When she arrived she had been smart, eager, unpopular, and had really ugly hair.

I silently slipped the photo into my desk, with a smile. Somehow Reggie hadn't seemed all too unreal in my dream. Almost as if I had really been talking to her.

I didn't sleep for weeks after that.


	26. Black is Back

**Ok, I know that Lupin teaches boggarts early in the year, but maybe he taught another lesson on them, or maybe I just made a little mistake. I like to think he teaches another lesson on them.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**Chapter twenty-five – Black is Back**

**Song: Don't Let Me Get Me - Pink**

* * *

I was out of classes for the time being and had chosen to watch Remus teach about boggarts. Of course I was watching from the doorway.

It was interesting to find out the worst fears of the students, something I could use later. It was even better to know that I was Neville Longbottom's worst fear. Absolutely delightful.

But that's when things went wrong. Potter's boggart got out of control, and Lupin had to step in, causing the boggart to change to the full moon. Of course the students didn't get it. Hermione smiled to herself though, while I scowled from the doorway. Why had I even bothered stopping by this place.

As the students filed out of the room one by one Lupin turned to see me.

"Would you care to give it a go?"

"No, I would prefer to keep my worst fear from the world, thank you, I just happened to bring you by your potion."

"Why thank you," he said taking the bottle from my hands, "But you must give it a go. You've seen my boggart, I'd like to see yours."

"Lupin, must I warn you that if a student is walking by what they would have heard."

"Innuendo, so what. Show me," he said gesturing towards the closet.

"No, I would really rather not," said stepping away, I knew what I would see, and it wouldn't be frightening, but it sure would give Lupin a different perspective on me.

"Come on Severus, we all have skeletons in our closet, just open the door and get rid of it, since you're so good at dark arts."

"Fine," I said stepping forward and throwing open the doors of the wardrobe as the boggart stepped out. I had known what it would be, but Lupin hadn't, and he managed to drop the potion I had just given him, spilling the contents on the floor.

Standing in front of me was a tall man, with black hair. He had an evil grin on his face. A grin that made my stomach churn, and I had to put up with it on a daily basis. Looking at the man in front of me was worse then a mirror, at least a mirror showed me how I wanted to see me, but this man, he was me at my worst moments. My boggart and worst fear was myself.

"Severus, I had no idea," Lupin said, trying to pick up the shards of glass on the floor.

"Ridiculous! Well, now you know. And I suppose you will be needing a new potion," I said, turning around smoothly, trying to seem casual and smooth, but inside I was fighting for breath.

"Yes, I will. But if you had only told me… if you had only," Lupin stuttered.

"What's next, the mirror of Erised where you can see me and Reggie?" I asked, knowing that that wasn't what we would see at all, it was only the beginning. I knew the first thing that would be seen was me and Reggie, both of us standing, our forearms bare. For that's what I most wanted. This cursed mark was a mistake, I wanted it gone, I didn't want to know what I had once been. In short I wanted redemption.

I led Lupin to my office where I began to brew the potion. He invited himself in and took a seat in the only comfortable chair I had. I don't seem to remember telling him he could sit in my chair.

"You know Severus, he isn't just looking for Harry?" he said breaking the long silence. It wasn't really a question, but a statement. A warning.

"I'm sure Lupin, but as long as he isn't looking for me I don't care. Have fun getting away from him."

"I'm not talking about me. Severus, think of the two people he would want to see fresh out of jail," he said handing me a bottle of salamander blood, that I stirred into the potion.

"James and Regina, he sees James in Harry, and Regina in… Granger?"

"No, your forgetting he hasn't heard about her death yet. Who is he most likely to learn her whereabouts from?"

"The angel of death?" I said.

"Close enough… you, I'm talking about you. He is after you. And he's already come close to Harry once. It's only a matter of time before you're next," he said, dusting off his robes, his voice ringing like the end of a ghost story, "You can drop the potion off in my office when it's done, I haven't the time to wait."

I waited for him to leave before sarcastically asking if he would like his slippers and his paper with that.

As the potion simmered I slipped a rat tail into it, for Lupin's own personal enjoyment and then poured a good deal of it into the cylinder bottle.

But when I arrived in his office holding the bottle Lupin was nowhere to be seen, but a bit of old parchment was sitting on his desk. Once again curiosity overcame me and I put down Lupin's potion and walked over to the parchment that was most defiantly a map.

On it there were moving footprints, and it didn't take long for me to figure out how it worked, and even less time to find Lupin, with five other sets of footprints.

I was startled to find him standing with Black, Pettigrew, Granger, Potter, and Weasley. I had known! I had been right about Lupin helping Black all along, and worse yet, they were endangering the lives of the students. I couldn't care less about children, but I loved my job, and that required me to not treat this situation with apathy.

I had two choices, I could go to Dumbledore, and hope he and the dogcatchers could get there on time, or I could go myself. Now, as someone who loved harping on old grudges, which was more likely for me to do? Shy away from the situation and once again chalk up another regret, or come face to face with Black and personally kill him for the many things he'd done to ruin my life. Really, what to do, what to do?

As I stumbled around the entrance to the shrieking shack I happened to find silk, running through my fingers. What, did you honestly believe I would go to Dumbledore? Could this be an invisibility cloak? I slipped it over my shoulders and found that it was a bit small, meant for a teenager, but still worked like a charm in covering everything but my feet.

I crept down the hall, pushing aside a door, and hearing Lupin's clam voice coming from the room.

"All right…but you'll need to help me Sirius… I only know how it began."

I pushed open the door, but then an idea occurred to me. I would wait and listen. The floor creaked as I moved my feet out of view and stuck my head through the door, watching the scene unfold.

It wasn't until he mentioned the potion that I began to panic. I wanted to hear the story… but if I didn't give Lupin his potion we would all be in danger. Of course he had waited three weeks, he could wait three more minutes.

But the story was taking too long. Of course he didn't say anything I didn't know, well not including the thing about Peter being alive, but I wanted the children to hear what I had known all along, so I kept hidden, until my name was mentioned.

"… So you see, Snape has been right about me the whole time."

"Snape? What's he got to do with it?"

"He's here Sirius. He's teaching here as well," Lupin said, but I could hear the sadness in his voice. He had been wrong, Sirius hadn't known about me, but now he did, and it was only a matter of time before he knew about her as well, and who would he blame for her death. I blamed him, but I was willing to bet he would blame me.

I listened as they told the story that still made me cringe to this day. And then Harry made a startlingly accurate conclusion.

"So that's why Snape doesn't like you, because he thought you were in on the joke?"

And that's when I chose to make my appearance.

"That's right," I said, removing the cloak and stepping into the light, my wand barred. I would not be caught off guard this time, and I would not be made a fool of again. But to my shock I wasn't more angry at Black for my friend's death, this time I pointed my wand directly at Lupin's chest.

Not moving my wand away from Lupin I threw Potter his cloak back and thanked him for allowing me to borrow it, but not in those words. What I said might have been a bit more spiteful.

And then I explained how I had come here, in triumph. I had finally won one. There would be no eating soap, no bloody nose, and no revealing of underpants. I had finally won.

But anger had come over me. If I could have watched the scene I would have been my least favorite character. I had been consumed by a childhood grudge, watching Potter torture me while Black stole my girl. Reason wasn't getting through. I had one thought. I wanted Black to suffer. I wanted him gone for what he had done to me. For what he had done to her.

There was a black fog in my mind. I was vaguely aware of rambling, and vaguely aware of tying Lupin up with magic ropes.

And now I was staring into the eyes of Black, anger ready to make me do it. The killing curse. Six simple syllables, two simple words.

"Give me a reason to do it!" I ordered him, "Give me a reason and I swear I will."

But like always my anger had worn out fast, and once again I was feeling guilty. In Black's hate-filled eyes I saw her laugh. She had loved him. Could I kill someone she had loved? Well, could I?

Now Granger was stepping forward. She was asking me to give them a chance. There was reason in her voice. It was the same voice she used when she had asked me about Reggie. I told her to hold her tongue, that she didn't understand, but she understood. She knew there was more, that's why she was stepping forward. Ever the smart witch, she had pieced together that Reggie was a part of this.

But as I spoke to her Black lunged. Not far, he stopped before I turned around. Questions now burning in his eyes. Had he seen Reggie next to me, the way I had seen her by him?

"What about her?" he mouthed, so no one else heard. I turned away, but only briefly, only long enough to refill my anger. He had driven her to it. If he hadn't been arrested, if she hadn't believed him dead, she wouldn't have been driven to such a horrible act. It was all his fault.

Insults flew between Black and me. There was no one else there to us, and it was barely about the present. Both of us reliving the past, and blaming it on the other. I saw Reggie's death; he saw his years in jail. And suddenly he was pleading with me. He didn't want to go back. I didn't understand then. I know now why he wouldn't want to go back there.

But he was going back. So he hadn't killed Pettigrew, so he hadn't killed the muggles, and so he hadn't been a death eater. But he had killed her, and that was the worst crime he could have ever committed, and I would take him back. I would get him the dementors kiss.

But Harry wouldn't go. He was going to argue with me now. He too brought up school, although he couldn't fathom the depth of it.

"Harry, no. You don't —" I heard Hermione whispered as the boy taunted me, but he didn't hear her.

I shouted back at the boy. The last thing I wanted to hear was Potter trying to make me understand that holding on to a grudge his father had implanted on me was childish. I didn't need that, and I wouldn't have it.

But I had gone too far in yelling. There was a flash of green light, and then darkness. The voices grew farther away. I had been attacked by three of my students.

By the time I awoke there was nothing I could do. The werewolf was gone, so was the dog, and the rat, and Hermione and Harry. Ron was laying on the ground by me, looking frightened. Peter had put a spell on him… no, Peter had left him alone. The boy had just fainted. He was frozen with fear.

"Ronald! Where did they go?!" I asked, franticly shaking his shoulder. I had ruined everything. I had let grudges consume me, and now the children were going to be killed because of it, both murderers would go free, Lupin could turn someone (I feared it might be Miss Granger, because life is ironic in ways I cannot fathom) and I was most certainly out of a job.

"The lake!" he said, his voice oozing fear. I dropped him back to the ground and ran. It was selfish, but I couldn't let them die. I couldn't loose my job! And after James had saved me from a werewolf I felt I owed the same to Harry. But I had nothing to fear. I found them lying there by the lake.

Well, all but the monster. I lifted Harry over my shoulder, summoning Sirius with my wand.

"Professor?" came a small voice.

"Miss Granger? Can you walk?"

"I think so… Sirius, there was something more wasn't there?"

"Not now. Can you help Mr. Weasley walk?"

"No! There was something more!"

"Yes! But now is not the time!" I roared, heading up the hill with Harry's limp body over my shoulder. The boy had to weigh way more then I had at his age.

"You blame him for what she did! He blames you!" she screamed as she followed me up the hill, "But don't you see how childish that is? You were both close to her! Would she have wanted this? She is responsible for her death! You can't turn in an innocent man for no reason!"

"You're too smart for your own good. But now isn't the time," I said, lifting Ron over my other shoulder. Black moaned from his sleepwalking trance behind us.

"But I'm right aren't I?" she asked, taking Ron from me and pulling him up to the school herself.

She was right. I was being childish, but what could I do?

When I got back to the castle I talked to Dumbledore about it all. He tried to encourage me to go to the press with the real story, but there was no reason in that. Who would believe three teenagers and a retired death eater? He told me he would look into it, but until then Barty Crouch wished to speak with me.

I tried my best to keep Black out of trouble, but at the same time I felt I had to protect the students. It was hard juggling the good of them back and fourth.

"Yes, this cut that could have killed me is from the students not Black, but don't expel them, he had bewitched them. Although if he hadn't they probably would have done much worse, but to be fair they were trying to bring Black back to you, even though Black wasn't technically hiding, and the girl has always been an incredible student… what I mean is…"

"Severus, stop going on and on… I'm sure you're boring Mr. Crouch."

"No Albus… I'd love to hear more."

"No! No more! Severus! Go to bed! I will take care of this," Dumbledore said.

I felt like a child again. I seemed to recall the time where I had broken a lamp playing with an imaginary friend (laugh if you wish, we all had them) and in order to save me from a beating from my father, my mother had sent me to my room with what I had thought of as a very stern punishment, to make me look less likely to need a whipping.

It was amazing how much I had been accepted into Dumbledore's family, and a little frightening that he spoke to me the way a mother speaks to her child.


	27. Spy

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**Chapter twenty-six – Spy**

**Song: When I'm Gone – Three Doors Down (I know it doesn't fit too well)**

* * *

Of course Black escaped. I couldn't get the full story out of Dumbledore, but I had a feeling Potter had something to do with it. Of course Remus couldn't continue to teach, now that the story of the werewolf had been all over Hogsmeade. It would be sad to see him go.

I was still to make a potion for him once a month. Dumbledore was going to be keeping him close, for good reasons. Harry wasn't expelled, as I would have wished. Granger and Weasley were allowed to stay, but Granger was informed that she was not to be in my office more then her schedule required, and if she was caught talking about me, or going though my things she very might well be suspended.

That was enough to keep her from looking for more pictures.

It was Remus's last day, and he had come by my office to collect his potion. He assured me it wouldn't be good-bye. I wished it were.

He had taken a seat as the potion finished cooking itself. I was arranging jars of ingredients on the shelf. I bottle of caterpillars was holding my interest. Lupin hadn't spoken for the last eighteen minutes.

"Severus, I told him about her," Lupin finally said sadly.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said handing him his potion, hoping he would leave.

"I told him about her death Severus."

"So, why should I care?" I growled, holding the door open, in hopes he would leave, he remained seated.

"Because, it didn't seem to phase him," Lupin said calmly.

"So, this is Black, he has always acted on impulse!" I said, tapping my foot.

"I believe I know my friend's character a bit more then you do, he truly didn't believe she was dead."

"So, I didn't either at first, but eventually he will learn, now please leave my quarters!" I demanded.

"There was one more thing Severus," he said as he walked toward the door.

"Please leave my office!"

"When I asked him where he would be going he said he was going to be dead for a while."

"Your point?"

"He was going to be dead for a while…"

"So? So he is going to pull a Pettigrew!? So what that he is going to… fake his death," I said, now seeing the point.

"Would he be the first?" Lupin asked as he finally left my office with a smug smile in my direction. The saddest part was that I didn't want him to leave. Was this just his suspicion, or did he know something?

I spent the next week, the first week of summer, tracking Black. I was lucky he thought in pictures. It felt so good to use my gift again, to watch the pictures play in my mind, to see what he saw. But I didn't gain anything from it. I say the insides of a small cottage that appeared to be empty and completely muggle. And I saw a boy, one I seemed to remember from a dream. He was tall with black hair that hung in his eyes.

This boy thought in sentences, and that was the end of my search. The boy was no help, and neither was Black, but I had hope now. There was a burning flame in my heart. I knew she was alive, she had to be! Faked her death, it was so simple.

"May she live on after death!"

Reggie had to have written that, her last joke to all her friends. It was cruel, but it was almost funny, that was if she was alive. If she truly had died then it wouldn't be funny at all.

But as the days of summer grew on I spent time teaching Draco so he wasn't so far behind on his studies. I enjoyed time with the boy. Cissy had asked for my help to keep him from being like his father, and I gladly tried my best.

Although I had hope the boy would be a good person, my hope that Reggie had lived was gone. It was one of those confusing mysteries, the more I thought about it the more trouble I had believing it.

She had always said her greatest weapon was being underestimated. What if she had overestimated us? What if she had assumed we would figure this out, and then look for her? What if she had done this to drive us all insane, what if she really was dead? It was truly her last form of revenge. Insanity was a great choice Reggie, but I would have thought you'd have gone with something more significant. I couldn't help but ask the moment I had recovered from the shock of her death "Did she take anyone else with her?"

This truly was driving me insane. If that was her intention then she had done well. Cissy still hoped though. Less of a ghost now, more of a person. She searched, to no avail, but oh, she searched.

Fourth year was another year that didn't stick out in my mind. Nothing dull ever happened with Harry around, but some of them were less important to me then others.

With some help from the ministry Dumbledore had managed to bring back the triwizard tournament, and surprise, surprise! Harry was picked as a champion, even though it was practically impossible and against many different rules. But since when had someone named Potter cared for rules?

No, Potter fighting dragons, merepeople, and violent shrubbery was of no interest to me. Instead the cup brought something else to me, something completely unwanted.

Karkaroff.

"You can't deny it Snape!"

"I can and I will! There are many reasons it could be getting stronger!"

"He's back, he's returning, our time has come again!"

"I'm not afraid to admit that I have doubts about his rule! He can't be coming back! Not now! He's not!"

Karkaroff stormed out of my office, leaving Dumbledore standing in the doorway behind him.

"Why is it your guests never seem happy with your company?"

I yawned, "I'm not a pleasant person. What can I do for you?"

"I was wondering if you have Remus's potion. What was Karkaroff talking about?"

I handed him the bottle and rolled back my sleeve showing him the dark mark, growing darker by the day.

"Could it mean? I knew we had a problem but I thought we had a bit more time," Dumbledore said, grabbing my forearm and running his fingers along the tattoo.

"Sir, I feel that it can only get so dark. It has almost returned to the hue that it was when I was branded with it. Mathematically speaking sir I doubt we have more then two days. It could be as close as an hour away."

"Severus! Why didn't you tell me! We have to find Harry! You didn't understand how horrible this is? You should have told me!"

"Don't treat me like a child!" I yelled, then calming down a bit I said, "I knew what was coming. I didn't tell you because of everything else you've been doing lately. I doubt his first order of business will be going after Harry! I think first he will call all his followers. We have time to find Harry."

Unfortunately as we arrived on the site of the maze we were confronted by the other headmasters, not wishing to take Harry out of the maze. By the time we had convinced them to allow it, that all children must be safely where we could protect them, Harry was no longer in the maze. Cedric was gone as well.

"I'll be speaking to Igor, Snape. Make sure the children know nothing of what we fear, and for heavens sake, do your best to find the children before something bad happens," Dumbledore ordered.

"Yes sir," I said crisply, bowing in front of him, but I fear we had a death on our hands. We could try, but I doubted that both of the boys would be fine, and since Harry was obviously the stronger I had a sick feeling about who was going to die.

Cedric's father cheered happily with the crowd, they had no clue what was happening.

Even when Harry and Cedric slammed on the ground together everyone cheered. Only Dumbledore, the other headmasters, and myself stood in alarm. I had been right; Cedric didn't appear to be breathing.

We tried to reach the bodies before the others, but Miss Delacour let out a scream

"He is not breathing!" came the cry of another voice.

Now half the crowd was cheering, the other screaming. I could see Dumbledore bending over the boys, or perhaps it was just one boy now.

I did my best to keep the crowds back, but there was only so much I could do. Only so much I could do to help.

By now the whole crowd was screaming, and it was pretty much the same thing. "Diggory is dead!"

I watched in pure pain as Harry clung to the dead body. He wasn't going to let anyone pull them apart. Death was a frightening thing, worse for a fourteen-year-old. Harry was delirious. I couldn't see his face, but I saw the pain in his posture. He had only tried to help Cedric, and instead he had failed miserably. I felt pity for him, even a bit kindness. He was not the boy he had once been; death changes things, it always dose.

Cedric's father was out of the stands now. I put my hand on his shoulder, "Sir, it would be best if you—" but I didn't finish, he had pushed past me.

Dumbledore let go of Harry and made his way over to the panicked father.

And then I saw him approach. Moody was lifting Harry, Moody was taking him away. I tried to push through the crowds to get to them, but the crowds pushed back and I lost the image. I pushed forward towards Dumbledore who had Cedric's father wrapped in a hug.

"Sir, Moody took Harry into the castle. And I don't see Karkaroff standing around any where…"

"Moody? Where did he take him Severus?"

"In the castle…"

"Come," he commanded running forward towards the castle. I followed, and Professor McGonagall followed behind me. We ran, never once asking how Dumbledore found the room, not pausing to ketch our breaths as we plunged into the room. Not flinching with shock when we saw Moody about to kill Harry, only Dumbledore seemed to know, but we put up a good act. Dumbledore went to Moody, McGonagall went to Harry. I stood looking into a foe glass, bearing our three faces.

I didn't know what to do, they were about to attack a convicted death eater, for it surely wasn't Moody, and I was sure they didn't want my help. From the look McGonagall gave me she made it very clear that I was not one of them. So I left it up to her and Dumbledore.

We were each given orders. I was to come back with a truth potion for Moody; McGonagall was to go get Sirius. Dumbledore said he would stay and explain.

"You can never stop being a death eater," the fake Moody said as I left the doorway. I gave him a sharp kick to quiet him, his eyes rolled back. Had the coward fainted? I looked up to see McGonagall pointing her wand at him.

"Now hurry up Severus," she said, a chiding tone in her voice.

I ran off, quickly returning with the potion, and the house elf I had been ordered to fetch, returning in the room I found yet another of my old friends, Barty Crouch jr.

He had been one of Reggie's favorites, only a few years younger then herself. She had put herself through great risk to try and save him. It had obviously all been wasted.

McGonagall seemed surprised, as did I, but she let out a scream, I kept my emotions hidden, merely uttering his name.

We poured the potion into his mouth, watching him wake, and once again I was given the most belittling task; I got to hold back the house elf.

He listened to Crouch tell his sad tale in a voice that hinted it was all the potion talking. There was yet another friend from my younger days. What had I been? I liked to say I was never truly a death eater, but I didn't judge my friends that were. I hadn't judged Malfoy, or Avery, or Crouch, or Karkaroff, or Crabbe, or Goyle, or the Lestranges. Didn't that at least mean I was accepting of their horrible views, and by default a horrible person, but I was shocked out of my thoughts as the house elf struggled more to get to her old master.

When the story was done I was given the task of heading down towards the field and finding Fudge, and bringing the real Moody to Madame Pomfrey.

After that was done I was allowed to sleep, but it didn't come easy. You were often judged by the company you kept, and for good reason. But did that mean I was as bad as the death eaters. I could see why McGonagall hated me.

Although sleep did not last long.

"Severus! Please get up! Fudge is not leaving… he has a dementor."

I sighed, pulling myself out of bed to the frantic screeches from McGonagall, pulling on black nighttime robes and unlocking the doors.

"And the big black dog?" I asked as I followed her down the hall towards the hospital wing.

"No, he didn't bring a dog with him… oh that dog. I have no clue what happened to it after I left it in Dumbledore's care.

When we found Fudge McGonagall yelled like there was no tomorrow, likely waking Harry, and drawing the attention of Dumbledore. I can't repeat what was said, I had been woken up, after not sleeping for a week. It was all I could do to keep my eyes open. Dumbledore later thanked me for keeping calm in a crisis, really I was half asleep. If I could have been angry I would have. As a former criminal I was strongly against any form of the death sentence, and the dementors kiss.

I couldn't help but notice the black dog in the corner, trying to shrink away from Fudge and growl at the same time. Doubtlessly he was against the dementors kiss.

And then Harry startled us all by listing off the names of death eaters. And once again I found a list of my old friends being named off. Malfoy, Avery, Nott, Crabbe, and Goyle. I felt like stepping forward and reminding him of the several he had forgotten, but I stayed put. Not in front of the minister, not in front of the children, but Harry wasn't even listing off the terrible ones, who had actually been evil to the bone. The list of my friends went on in my head. Bagman, Black, Dolohav, Gibbon, Greyback, Lestrange, the list went on and on. I had of course turned most of them over to Dumbledore, but some of them I felt could do no real damage, and there for kept them hidden away till it was necessary. Macnair, Rosier, Yaxley. What was wrong with all my old friends!?

But Fudge was still unbelieving. I saw Dumbledore give me a dark nod and I stepped forward, thrusting my arm under his nose, explaining how it had been growing black, how it worked, and why it was sure proof the dark lord was back.

But Fudge did still not believe. I knew what this meant, so did the other adults. The order was being brought back to life. With all it's old members ready to stand, well, plus or minus those who had died, may they rest in peace, and those who had betrayed, may they rot in hell.

Molly and Author were called upon to get in touch with the old members, to call them, and Hagrid would be called to help with the giant side of things.

Dumbledore asked Sirius to show himself and he was introduced back into the order, with much more respect then he disserved. I was forced to shake his hand and welcome him back as well. After all, we were both on the same side now.

Sirius was given the job of scout. He was to recruit our members and find a place we could meet, and stay when needed.

And I was given her old job. She was gone, and they were in need of a spy. Hadn't it been Reggie who asked me to join both sides instead of just the order? Hadn't she been the one preparing me all along for this? I would spy.

"I'll make it up to you," Sirius said as we left the room at the same time. I didn't know what he was talking about, but at the moment I didn't care. I was practically shaking with fear.

I couldn't help but feel guilty as I turned up at the manor, trying to mimic the steel fire Reggie had kept in her eyes.

When the house elf answered the door I asked for Lucius, and when he appeared at the door I forced my arm forward, showing the mark.

"Where is he?" I asked.

"Welcome back my old friend," he said drawing me into the house as one invites a brother inside.

I could see Cissy, pale in the corner, waiting for the news I brought. I smiled at her, and her look of horror froze. She knew I was replacing Reggie. She knew, and she was glad. Things were changing now.


	28. Occlumency

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**Chapter twenty-seven – Occlumency**

**Song: So Long Astoria – The Ataris**

* * *

It wasn't long after the scene in the graveyard that Harry started having dreams about the dark lord. Of course I was given the job of teaching him to block his mind to others, but it wasn't something I enjoyed, reading his thoughts had always been a personal pass time of mine.

He thought in pictures, as most people do, he thought of scenes instead of simple thoughts in the present or deep emotions. Go figure, he liked dwelling on the past.

So did I, but I tried my best to teach him. I tried my best to bully him into learning, to give him the information, to get him to retain some knowledge. I tried every teaching style but praise, and still the boy didn't' learn. Watching the pictures in his mind however was amusing to me. Being chased up a tree, not getting a bike when his fat cousin did, getting sorted, being chased by dementors, his first kiss.

But as he got better he began to see some of my thoughts. Not the ones with Reggie that I had carefully removed and placed into the barrowed pensive. But simple ones. Like my target practice. My horrible quidditch tryouts. My abusive father. But those were things I didn't mind him knowing.

But one day Draco came at the end of our lessons. He made some lame excuse to get me out of the room. I left Harry there, telling him to leave and I would see him later.

Draco brought me down the hall, he had news of his mother, she was ill, and he wanted to send a potion to her. It took me time to agree to send her a potion, if I sent her the wrong one it wouldn't end well, but I decided on one for what I thought it was, although Draco disagreed, thinking it wasn't. We argued for some time, a decent amount of time.

When I returned to my office to find the potion I found Harry still there, his head in the pensive. I walked over, livid at him, and putting my hand in so that I followed him in. I was thankful that the pensive had showed him this memory, or all it could have chosen. Reggie wasn't in it yet, and now that I knew there was no way he would be finding out about her my anger subsided.

I let him watch the memory, I let him see his father torturing me, I let him see me call his mother a mudblood, and I let him see more of the torture. But then I watched Reggie appear by the lake. And I knew what was coming next. Sirius would curse her, and she threw her life away for him.

My anger was back up now. I had to get Harry out of here. I pulled him out, livid once again, at Harry, for being that man's son. At Sirius for not caring for her when he was all she had cared about. And at myself for letting him see too much.

Again, like when I was angry before, I can't remember what I said when I was angry, but I remember yelling at him, and I think insulting his father, how original.

Oh, and I vaguely remember throwing stuff at him. This boy was destined to remind me of my past pain. And I don't think I was even trying to, but just looking at him brought up fresh pain. Reggie, how close had he come to seeing her. I couldn't let him see her. Granger already knew and I couldn't stand the knowing glances she gave me, so I couldn't let Harry see her. At least now he knew his father was no saint, but I wasn't either.

Although this belittling job was nothing compared to my real job: spying.

Once again I felt important. I wasn't being babysat by Dumbledore. I had freedom, freedom to go where I wanted, do what I wanted, and true I wasted a good amount of this freedom on the death eaters, but it was at least some freedom.

I spent most of my free time with Cissy, recovering slowly from whatever obstacle she was still trying to overcome. Strength was returning to her, and while my goal was to bring down the dark lord I also felt it was best that Malfoy spend as much time away from her as possible. He was feeding off her weakness. Most of her effort went into keeping her son safe.

Draco was becoming what I feared he was going to be, his father. He was desperate for attention, and I did my best to show him attention wasn't good. Cissy was purely frightened of being trapped in a house with Malfoy and Draco, but the visits I paid made it better.

It was one of these visits when my owl brought me a letter.

"It's marked urgent by Dumbledore," Cissy said turning it over and giving it to me to break the seal.

"It requires my presence at a meeting," I informed her.

"Then go, I'll be fine," she said with a smile, "it is urgent."

"But it's late, I'd hate to leave you alone in this house, you never know which one of his friends will show up next."

"Severus, I have no fear of his friends. I'm not a death eater, but when it comes to self protection I can use the curse."

"Ok," I said standing and hugging her goodbye. I felt assured she would use it, after all, Cissy was much like my mother, and after many years of being treated the same way Cissy was being treated my mother had no problem using the curse. She had probably already thought about it. "Just remember Cissy, death doesn't give second chances."

"I know, now go. It's got to be important!"

"I'll be back later to make sure you're ok."

"Don't baby me, I can take care of myself, now go! It's important!"

I walked through twenty miles of heavy falling winter snow, the first snow this year; it was coming early in November. I walked past an old muggle neighborhood, it was a short cut, but it took a toll on my memories as I stopped to look at all the old rundown houses. It was hard top remember, but at the same time it was reassuring to see how far I had come from this little neighborhood. In moments I could see me, sitting on the little rock, reading a letter while children played tag around me, and soon the children vanished and it was me and Patricia. Then it changed again, and it was me carrying a suitcase down the street, leaving behind this little poverty stricken place. I wanted to stay and watch more of my flashback, but I managed to tear myself away. The only thing that got me to keep moving towards Sirius's house was the promise of an important meeting, and maybe an important thrilling assignment.

It was anything but important. I arrived to Molly, Tonks, Arthur, and Lupin sitting around the kitchen table. All of them wore goofy grins that only got worse as I arrived.

"This is a meeting?" I asked pulling up a chair.

"Well, not yet. We're waiting for Sirius, and one other member…" Molly said with a smile.

"Ah, and this is really of the utmost importance," I said, thinking of a million ways the death eaters could have harmed Narcissa by now.

"The very most. Trust me," Lupin said, he too was smiling.

"Then why is Sirius late?"

"Because he is allowed to be late, it's nothing he hasn't seen before," Tonks said with a bigger grin.

This was annoying. I felt the mark on my arm start to heat up. He was calling me? Now of all times! At least it would be an excuse to get out of here.

Just then there was a pounding on the door. Everyone rushed to get it. They looked like a bunch of children eagerly awaiting Santa Clause.

"No, I'm doing it!" I heard a hushed whisper come from the other side of the pantry door. I could go to the door and great the Easter Bunny, or I could scold whoever was eavesdropping behind the door.

I chose my natural favorite, and yanked open the door and two red headed boys spilled out. One of them raced past me, running for what he thought was his life. The other tried to follow him but I grabbed the color of his robes and pulled him to his feet.

"Ah, Mr. Weasley, so nice of you to join us." Which twin was this one? Until I could remember I would just call him Mr. Weasley.

I proceeded to yell at him for the irresponsibility of listening in on the adults. I threw in the thing about not being an adult simply because I knew it would irk him, and after growing up with the marauders it was fun to see what prank the newest Hogwarts trouble makers would come up with to get even.

Just as I was about to let the boy go run off and "play with his little friends" I felt two very small arms wrap around my neck and scream a name I had never dreamt of being called again "SEVY!"

Was it really her? I looked around the hall to see that everyone else could see her and then slowly wrapped my arms around her waist, lightly, as if afraid to shatter this allusion. She was crying, and saying things so fast that I could barely understand her.

"I missed you too," I said, trying to calm her down.

After everybody had gone into the kitchen I thought of Cissy. I had Reggie right here, right now, and I could only think of the burning mark on my arm, and imagine Cissy's screams.

"Where are you going," she said, with the smile fading from her face.

"I have business, but I will be back. I promise. I thought you were dead Reggie, I thought maybe you had…no, it was too horrible to think. But I thought it was my fault. I'm so glad you're back Reggie," I said, shedding a tear, "I didn't mean anything I said back then about how you should get over Sirius. I saw a chance and I went for it. I'm sorry."

"No, Severus, as always this is my fault, not yours. But don't worry, I'm not dead, and I'm not likely to poison myself anyway, not now not ever."

"So you'll be here when I get back?" I asked, it all seemed too good to be true.

"Yes, I will be right here," she promised.

"Good, I have so much to tell you."

And I slipped out of the door, the pain in my arm searing. When I arrived at the Malfoy's I found Cissy, tears running down her face.

"You shouldn't have come, you should have gone to them," she said pointing at my arm that was almost glowing now.

"What's wrong?" I said wrapping my arm around her shoulders.

"They took him. He said he didn't want to join and they took him. His own son Snape, and he is torturing him." At the time it didn't register as odd that she had not used my first name, I was used to it, and I forgot Cissy had always called my Severus.

"I can find a place for Draco to stay summers if this is a problem. Dumbledore can keep him hidden."

"I'm so sorry," she said, bursting into tears.

"About what Cissy?"

"Well, well, well. Let's just see how loyal you really are?" Malfoy said stepping out of the shadows.

Cissy had been bait, so had Draco. I felt a searing pain run though my body. But I still closed my mind. They knew about Reggie, but I wouldn't tell.

"Which side are you really on Snape?" Malfoy asked, raising his wand to look me in the eye.

"Yours," I said through clenched teeth.

"Let's just see."

The last thing I heard before I blacked out was Cissy's scream.


	29. Till Death do They Part

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**Chapter twenty-nine – Till Death do They Part (I loved this title too much to get rid of it)**

**Song: Dare You to Move – Switchfoot**

* * *

After that night I was more careful of hiding my secrets from Cissy. I knew she would want to know about Reggie but I couldn't tell her. Mainly because I was worried about what Malfoy would get out of her, but also because I knew Reggie. She would leave again eventually, and I don't think Cissy could take it a second time. I doubted I could take it, but I had no choice.

I spent much of my time with Reggie now, catching up on old times. She told me about a boy she had met in the village and was trying to protect and take care of like her own child. She told me about her new muggle life, and many other things. She claimed to be married now. Not legally of course, but she claimed that she and Sirius were married. I eventually got used to this. It caused more fights between me and Sirius though.

Reggie had one request in staying here with Sirius. She wanted the children to know nothing of her presence here. She did not want to meet Harry, she constantly had to tell Sirius, and she had no need to know the other children either. It hurt the fatherly side of Sirius that kept promising Harry that once things were smoothed out they could be a proper family and I couldn't help but wonder what Reggie thought of this, but he kept her wish, and I did as well. But Reggie wasn't as careful as she should have been. The children were all convinced that there was a ghost in the house (Reggie was still very pale) but Granger was smarter then she should have been, and eventually figured out there was someone else in the house. And who did she go to? Not Sirius, like she should have. Not the Weasleys, even though they would have told her. Not Remus, although I could see why. She came to me!

It was one of those days where the children were off of school and Reggie was spending the time in her room. Being very antisocial. Of course Sirius had forbidden me to set foot in the upstairs part of the house, but Reggie was still an expert at pouting, and always got her way. When she spent her days in her room I was allowed to visit, although I always had the strange feeling of being watched. Sirius had been studying his spying charms, ever the mistrustful one.

I was just leaving her room so she could go to sleep, but I forgot to look both ways as I left the room, and ran right into The Golden Trio as I left the room.

"What the hell are you doing in Sirius's room!?" Harry said outraged. He must have gotten a fresh shipment of teenage hormones today.

"You were going though his stuff weren't you!?" Ron asked.

"Or maybe master Sirius called him for some fun," that damned house elf said, appearing out of nowhere. I caught Harry's hood as he leapt forward, probably intent on pounding the little thing to a pulp.

"I was merely fetching papers for Sirius," I responded in a low growl as the little elf ran away as fast as he could from Harry, who I swear was growling. Like godfather like godson. For a moment I worried about letting go of Harry for fear that he would bite me. But the moment I let go he and his little boyfriend stormed down the stairs. Hermione however remained.

"Professor, was Sirius ever married?"

"Why do you ask?"

"I was wondering who the ghost wandering around this house is," she said, but the way she put air quote around the word ghost worried me, She looks oddly familiar…"

"Miss Granger, what are you implying?"

"Is she the girl from the picture?"

"Miss Granger!"

"She is, but she loves Sirius, that's why it made you sad, and you told everyone she was dead. But now that Sirius is back so is she, and that's why you were in the room. She is either cheating on him or you're hoping she is cheating on him."

"You were almost all correct, now run along and go play with your little friends, or at least keep them from setting themselves on fire."

"Where was I wrong… oh, you actually believed she was dead didn't you?"

"Run along!"

"Good day professor!" she called as she almost skipped down the stairs.

Damn kids! Reggie was going to be mad with me.

Of course Ganger managed to keep her secret. Or at least I suspected she did, since Reggie didn't mention anything.

But of course good things never last. Reggie wouldn't be staying with us forever. But for now things seemed to be going just fine.

Until the night at the ministry. I wanted to go, but Dumbledore had insisted I stayed put. It wouldn't be good for me to go and ruin things for the order, especially right after Malfoy torturing me. He had gotten nothing out of me, and been in trouble for hurting the precious spy. I was beginning to see why Reggie had liked her old job. It came with special privileges.

So I could do nothing but sit in my little run down house that hadn't been cleaned in the last two years I watched out the window for a signal that the fight was over. I could do nothing but pray Reggie hadn't gone along, but chances are she did, and she was dieing right now. Oh how I wanted to help, but I couldn't blow my cover, for either side.

The wait seemed to go on forever, but eventually Dumbledore told me I could leave the house and I ran straight to the order's headquarters. First I searched among the downstairs where the ones who had fought were returning. Reggie was not among them, but neither was Sirius, and I knew he must have gone. Had they died together?

"Severus," Molly said, gently touching my arm.

"Where is she?" I demanded, sadness welling up inside, ready to let anger take over.

"She's sleeping, but we don't want to wake her. He died tonight by the hand of Bellatrix, your old friends wasn't she? We're worried how Reggie will take it," Lupin said solemnly, the last marauder alive (not counting Peter who was dead inside).

"And how do you plan on telling her?"

"We aren't sure, but we don't want her to run away again."

"So you are going to lock her in her room!" I said, they seemed offended I was screaming right after they told me Reggie was asleep, but I knew Reggie, and she wasn't asleep.

Before they could fight me I was running to her room, but she ran into me first. I tried to comfort her, but she was delusional again. I knew Reggie, when she yelled she was mad, and I could handle that, I had before. I could handle the tears again as well. But she was stone cold. She didn't seem to care he was dead, but the suitcase in her hand was a clear indicator that she did know.

I tried to comfort her, but she didn't want to be comforted. I could see from the glint in her eye she wasn't sad, she was angry.

"Just tell me who killed him!" she said, ice in her voice.

"Reggie…"

"Just tell me!" she demanded.

"Don't go getting ideas of revenge, I'm here for you, I am."

"Tell me."

"Bellatrix," I said.

I offered her a place to stay, not wanting her to leave. I knew that talking to her was the only way to change her mind, but even that wasn't likely to work. Reggie was stubborn.

It didn't work. She wasn't thinking straight; death can do that to you.

As I pleaded with her, asked her to stay, if only for me she was clearly eager to push past me. If only she were taller. I saw Lupin watching from the kitchen doorway, he was fingering his wand. Whether to attack me or Reggie I wasn't sure, but I had my own wand if he tried anything funny.

"I'll stay for one night, and one night only Sevy," she bargained. Was this a joke? Was she trying to trick my to get by and out the door. Her hands slid up my neck, and as she kissed me I realized this wasn't a joke, or a ploy. She was hysterically insane, or did she mean it? Why was this still so confusing after so many years?

Part of me didn't want to pull away from her, as her fingers pulled on my tie, but the rationally thinking part, that part that wasn't consumed by my love for Reggie told my I couldn't let her go through with this. Well, that and the part of my brain that knew Lupin was still watching. I wouldn't have been surprised if he had hexed me dead right there, but he didn't.

Instead I pulled away from her and stumbled to give some speech about how I loved her, but if she didn't truly believe I was worth more then one night she should leave. I can't remember what I said. My brain didn't seem to be working right.

I bundled up the pain that came rushing back as she went running out the front door. The optimist inside me said, well, at least she isn't dead this time.

Lupin stepped forward, placing his hand on my shoulder. Was he going to kill me now for kissing his dead friend's wife? No, instead he just stood there as the rest of the order came out and followed his lead. Oh no! Were they going to hug me? But they didn't hug; they stood there, daring me to do something. To fall to my knees like I had done last time, to scream, to do anything, but for a moment I was frozen there. But the moment was over fast. I couldn't take the looks they were giving me. I pushed them aside and ran up the stairs to Reggie's room. Or I guess it was her old room now.

She had left in such a hurry that the closet was still open. Some of her dresses still hung in the closet. She had dropped pictures on the floor on her way out. I picked them up slowly and looked through them. My eyes fell on the picture of Reggie and me at my graduation party. It seemed a million years ago.

I let the pictures fall to the floor and dropped my head into my hands. Why wasn't my brain working right?

"You know, I secretly think she has always loved you more then Sirius, and that's why she doesn't want to start anything with you. She loves you too much to lose you," Remus said, sitting down next to me. Looks like I hadn't escaped the dreaded hug after all.

"She's already lost me twice," I muttered, still not looking at him.

"No, you've lost her. She's known all about you this whole time."

"Do you think she'll come back?"

"Let her cool off, and plan her revenge. She won't leave you forever. I get the feeling you'll be seeing her again."

"Thank you," I said, dreading the hug that would be coming next. But it didn't come. He just sat there with me, the hand on my shoulder. This time I wasn't alone when I lost her. I think that's what kept me from becoming completely emotionless again. I knew that I wasn't the only on hurting. Other people were sharing my pain, and they were managing to deal without blocking their emotions. I would deal with it too.


	30. Fly Away

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter **

**Chapter thirty-one – Fly Away**

**Song: One Step Forward – The Color Green**

* * *

"And this will be your new home," I told the small man as I pushed him in the doorway, "Your bedroom is the one behind the bookcase. You are not to set foot outside of the house, or in the upstairs part of the house, understand? The attic and my bedroom are mine, this is my house."

"Have you ever heard of a broom?" Peter asked looking around the dirty little house. That was a bit insulting. I know it could use some cleaning, but I was proud of my dirty little house. It was a house, and that was more then Wromtail had.

"Then you better get to cleaning it," I said pushing my wand into his back as he stumbled forward with.

"Hey, I'm not a house elf!" he protested as I pushed him though the small living room towards his room.

"I beg to differ, you're here to assist me. Now assist me in my house cleaning."

"No!" he said spinning around to stare me in the eye, and finding that I was too tall he tried to storm off to his room, but I caught the back of his robes and spun him around.

"You got yourself into this mess. If you hadn't tried to run away I wouldn't have to look after you. And if you hadn't been a dirty snitching bastard in the first place you wouldn't have needed to run away. Now start cleaning, from now on you are my house elf. I think I shall call you Wormy!"

"I hate you," he muttered like an angry child. I would be a horrible father…

"If you keep saying that I'll make you wear an apron!" I called after him.

It would be nice to have a house elf again. And he wouldn't be alone, he could keep company with the many rats I had in this house. Shit, I would have to stop setting traps, wouldn't want him going off and getting any dark ideas.

Yes, it was fun having someone to clean and cook, although cooking was defiantly not one of Wormtial's strong points. Although I didn't account for the fact that my house elf would enjoy listening at doors as much as I had. If I wanted any private time I spent it in my room, since Wormtail had even taken over the attic as well. The first time I found out he was going up there I was furious. Partly because he had found a picture of Reggie and asked if he could keep it, but also because I had told him he couldn't go in the attic, but what could I really do about it? So I let him have the attic and I stayed in my room. School would be starting soon anyway.

But not soon enough.

It was a dark out; I was getting ready for bed, the smell of burnt food wafting up from the kitchen even though the food had long since been cleared. I had already locked Wormtail in his room, behind the bookcase.

The door was being pounded upon, as if someone were throwing their entire weight into the door. I slipped back into my robes and set down my newest book to go answer the door. I opened it a crack, just in case it was someone I didn't want to meet. Hey, there had been escapes from Azkaban before, and I really didn't want Malfoy pounding at my door.

But I wasn't Malfoy, it was someone I hadn't talked to since she had ratted me out. But I opened the door, she looked desperate. From the look in her eye I felt bad about ignoring her for almost a year. She was in trouble, almost gone completely, slipping into the darkness, and without someone to lean on she was going to slip away. For a moment I saw the small, pampered girl of her youth, always had she been the second fiddle, but the look in her eye told me now that she wasn't taking chances. Not when it came to her son, the only man she had ever really loved.

I allowed her into the house and her sister followed. It was all I could do from strangling Bellatrix right there. I had her up next to Sirius for reason Reggie left me.

I could see Bella turn her nose up at my little house. If Peter had seen her he would have taken it as an insult. He had done his best to keep this house from falling apart. She should be happy there weren't any visible rats around, and I had been urged to replace the carpet to get rid of the holes. So it wasn't a big mansion, but I had always lived in poverty, I guess I was used to it.

It was also painful to see how Bella had slipped. She had never been as pretty as Cissy, but in her youth she had looked like a queen, and evil queen, but a queen nonetheless. Now she looked horrid, Azkaban had eaten away at her looks, leaving her with visible emotional scars.

"Are we alone?" Cissy asked, wringing her hands. So I had been right, she was here to discuss Draco's future. Bella refused to sit down on my little threadbare couch; I tried not to take it as an insult.

Casually I flipped my wand back, causing the bookcase to disappear. Again, as I had suspected Wormtail stood frozen with fear at the sight of Bella. She was a terrifying thing to see now days. I couldn't help but wish she hadn't lost her good looks as she grew older. But then again we had all been much prettier as children. That and I doubted even beautiful Malfoy would be quite as breathtaking when he got out.

"As you have so clearly realized Wormtail, we have guests, fetch us some wine, none for you thank you, and then return to your bedroom."

Ok, so I might have overdone the callous thing quite a bit, but in the presence of Bella I had to keep from seeming soft. And to be fair, Wormtail didn't need more whisky, he'd had plenty for the time being, I swear it was all he drank.

Wormtail tried to protest; he had a strange attachment to the little dignity he had left. Really he should just let it go before someone forces it from him. In the end I won, he fetched the drinks, and then went back to his room.

I gave a causal flick of my wrist toward the bookcase. We heard a yelp of pain and then footsteps as wormtail disappeared up the steps.

"Severus, I know I ought not be here…" Cissy began.

"Then hold your tongue! Particularly in present company!" Bella snapped.

"Present company?" I asked, trying hard not get too mad. She was the evil one. I was no saint, but she was the one who killed Sirius. Suddenly it struck me as odd that I was mad at her for killing a man I hated. I settled down a bit.

She revealed her not so well hidden secret, she didn't trust me. Like I had cared much. I let her question me, and gave my best to come up with answers that suited her. They were all lies, but I couldn't well say the truths, not without getting turned in. For the answer to most of her questions were Dumbledore wouldn't let me, or Dumbledore said I had to.

But once we got to arguing Bellatrix slipped up. I had never been more in control of myself than when I was arguing; it was what I had done most in my past, with the company I kept and all. But Bella wasn't as smart, she brought up Malfoy, and poor, weak Cissy saw this as a chance to intervene.

"Don't you dare blame my husband," she said, poison in her voice. No, Cissy had spent too much time blaming her husband, too much time. Now she was acting, now he was gone she couldn't blame him, but she could act out. That's what she was here to do. She was going to act out, and she was doing her best to gather one of her two old friends to act out with her. I knew before she asked the favor of me I would say yes, no matter what it was.

But Bella still wanted to fight. I kept cool, eager to hear what Cissy would ask of me. I knew it wouldn't be treasonous, she wouldn't have said that in front of her sister, but it would be important.

And I was right, when Cissy got down to business it was about Draco. And I agreed to help, I thought that would be enough, my word, but Bella saw fit to challenge that.

Somehow I got involved in the most dangerous of promises. An unbreakable vow. I would have done it anyway, I would have done anything for Cissy in this state of mind, but somehow it seemed a bit overdramatic.

When I said the last "I will" and sealed the fate of a man who had taken me in when I was in the most pain of my life Cissy burst into tears and flung herself into my arms.

Bella stood, disapproving in the shadows, but Cissy did nothing but cry. And they weren't tears of pain. After all these years she was free. Her son was supposedly safe, at least as safe as I was, and her husband was gone.

"Thank you," she whispered into my ear.

"Anything for you Cissy, you would have done it for me," I said, smoothing her ghostly blonde hair.

"Would I?" she asked, standing up with a smile. Less tortured then she had been her whole life.

She left with her sister, Bella no longer cursing my name, Cissy free once more to fly away.


	31. Sectasempra

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**Chapter thirty – Sectasempra **

**Song: Wake Me Up When September Ends – Green Day**

* * *

When I arrived back at school, watching the giddy children and feeling sick to my own stomach that they enjoyed school so much I was met by a surprise.

I found that the dark past Dumbledore was scared of the DADA job evoking was that of Reggie's and not my own. This meant that since Reggie was alive and I was apparently no longer consumed with sorrow and guilt he had no problem giving me the job, he had already found me a replacement. That horrid Horace Slughorn.

I was overjoyed to have the job, but a pain of guilt was in my side once more. Dumbledore was a good man, how could I kill him?

But I couldn't confess to him the promise I had made. Was it wrong to wish Draco would be successful? That was just as bad, Dumbledore would still die, but somehow I felt better knowing that I might not be the one to do it.

I kept my promise to Cissy though; I looked after her son, who did his best to make it as hard as possible on me. He was much like his father, and he enjoyed his father's old hobbies. Girls. Bragging. And picking on kids who are less important than him. He was often mad when I intervened, but I couldn't stop him all the time. Sometimes I had work, and sometimes he got a way from me. He thought I didn't know where he had been going, but I knew about the ghostly companion he kept.

It was one of these days when he slipped off into the girls bathroom with his new friend, the only girl I didn't worry about him being alone with, that I felt I might finally be able to get some work done. Boy, was I wrong. That boy could have found trouble even if I had put him into a padded cell. It was ironic considering the great amount of trouble Cissy went through to keep Reggie and Malfoy out of trouble.

All I did was leave him alone for twenty minutes, and what did I find as I finished grading my papers and came walking down to the bathroom to make sure he was still there?

"Murderer in the bath room!"

My first thought was that the boy had killed someone, but when I burst into the bathroom it was Draco lying on the floor in a pool of his own blood. And who should be lying beside him but the famous Harry Potter. It seemed strange to me that Harry had tried to kill the boy, but had stuck around afterwards to see how things played out. But I had no time to ponder over this. Draco was losing quarts of blood by the second.

I knelt down and began to sew up the wounds. Only until I was helping him to the nurse's office after commanding Harry to stay put did I realize I recognized the spell. It was one of my spells! Had he found Reggie's notebook, or maybe my potions textbook? Either way he was in trouble, and I had found one of the happier artifacts of my childhood.

He began to mutter excuses when I came back. He didn't know what it did. He hadn't meant to use it. This meant he had only found my potions textbook, or he was lying, because Reggie had explained everything in her notebook.

I was tired of listening to him lie. I wanted my book back, or Reggie's. Preferably Reggie's, but when I drew the picture from his mind it was of my potions book, not the notebook I had been hoping for. Oh well, it was good enough.

I demanded he fetch the book, but Saint Potter managed to screw that little task up. He brought me the wrong book. Not only did he bring me the wrong book, he lied again and told me that I was wrong. I was not wrong. I was tired of being wrong.

I assigned him detention and left on a quest to find my book. I found it quickly; ironically he had hidden it in the same room where Reggie and I recorded the spells. It was in sad shape, but I held it dear.

I placed it on my desk, next to a picture of Reggie. After the whole war was over I would visit her. I would bring her the book; she had always been fascinated by my spells. I missed her. Sometimes it was worse knowing that she wasn't dead.

But I didn't have to wait till the war was over. I was summoned to her before that, but on the most horrible circumstance.

I could feel the burn on my arm. I knew that it would be tonight, but Draco had made it this far, maybe he could go through with the deed. Oh please, don't let me be the one to have to do it.

I stayed at my desk, I let my arm burn, I wouldn't leave my office. I would die before I killed Dumbledore. I would let Cissy down and I would die before I killed him. As always I was the coward. I couldn't go through with it, and I had already sealed my fate if I didn't.

I looked down at my arm and traced the burning black mark. Sometimes I wondered if Reggie could still feel the pain in her scar. I had to make a choice. I could choose between Dumbledore, the man who had helped me like a father when I had thought Reggie dead, the man who stopped my tears, who gave me purpose, and my promise to poor fading Cissy.

I could hear the screams and fighting around me, but all I did was get up and lock the door. Sitting back down I pulled out my picture of Reggie.

"What would you want me to do?" I asked it.

Suddenly I got a vision in my mind. Like I was reading Reggie's thoughts, but this was in pictures. The pictures were small and blurred, but in them I could make out Reggie putting a bandage on the knee of a teenage boy. She looked so much like a mother, the way she was gingerly keeping him from crying. The pictures blurred further, and the next thing I knew Reggie was standing right over whoever these pictures were coming from.

"Don't cry darling," she said lifting up whoever's mind I was in.

She was so gentle, so kind to the children, and I had been nothing but sour to the ones I was responsible for.

That's when I knew what I had to do. I had to protect Draco. He was a child, and even if he did manage to kill Dumbledore I didn't want him to, I wanted to protect him. Murder was not a game for children as Reggie had always said, and even though Draco thought he was all grown up, he was not.

I blew open the door with my wand and went walking purposefully out. I couldn't turn back now, but when I reached the courtyard where Draco had cornered Dumbledore I couldn't help but open my mind, not so I could see into Dumbledore's mind, but so he could see into mine.

Upon seeing me waiting there, upon hearing my intentions a sick smile crossed his face. He would not let them kill him, if he was going to die it would be at the hands of someone who had cared deeply for him, not these cold hearted monsters. He shot a curse into the dark and I nodded knowingly that he had stopped Harry from interfering.

I waited; he was only toying with the others, with Draco.

I waited till they weren't going to let Draco do it, and then burst though the door in which I had been concealed.

"We've got a problem Snape, the boy doesn't seem able," Amycus said, yet another one of my old friends, here to let me down.

"Severus," Dumbledore said, _do it now!_

But I couldn't. Fear took over, I had my wand out, but I couldn't kill the man who had taken me in once the only shred of my human side had been ripped away.

"Severus please!"_ If you don't they will. Don't let them, please don't let them. Draco is just a boy; you can't make a murderer out of him. Please Severus, do it now and I will not judge you._

But how could I? This was hard, but one glance at Draco and I knew what I must do. One look at the fear in his eyes, the same fear his mother had worn in hers. I could feel my brow furrow in hatred. Dumbledore wouldn't judge me, but I would hate myself for it.

_Severus! NOW!_

"Avada Kedavra!" I screamed as a jet of green light bust from my wand. Dumbledore was dead. I didn't wait to watch him fall though, I grabbed Draco's arm and pulled him out of sight.

"Come with me, and don't ask questions," I whispered in his ear, but he was too in shock to say anything as I pulled him towards the forest.

It was a mad dash for safety, and I had no clue where I would find this safety. All I knew was the Draco was no longer welcome with the death eaters, or with the order. That's when it hit me. Who had a side of their own?

But I couldn't reach the forest fast enough. As I knew he would Harry had eyes only for catching me. I had killed Dumbledore, and without the full story he would want me dead, but I didn't have time to worry about that.

I pulled Draco along, but I could see that the boy could only run so fast. Wasn't he supposed to be on a sports team? Oh, but he had bought his way into it, that's right.

"You can't stop running now," I told him as I felt him slow down, "If you stop death will be there to greet you."

At that the boy began running again, a new burst of speed racking through him. But Harry, who had talent for catching up, damn it, was doing just that. I knew Draco was my number one responsibility, but I also knew that if I left him behind I could escape.

But I couldn't think about this long; Potter was now close enough to catch me. And he was shouting hex after hex at me. I blocked them all, and I had to thank James for the practice. But closer and closer he got still.

"Run Draco," I said pushing him towards the woods, and he took off at a speed I knew was just barrowed strength.

Now I turned to face Potter, if I didn't get him off our trail now we would never reach our destination by nightfall, and we just had to reach the little cottage.

And then Potter surprised me. He was shouting unforgivable curses. That was enough of that. One of those tonight would be good enough.

But I had taught Potter, he might not have known it, but I had. I knew that he was all anger, I knew once he ran out there would be nothing left to attack Draco and me with. So as I deflected his curses I threw taunts his way. I had to eat up all his supply of anger. I certainly hadn't the time to be wasting, but I also couldn't lead him to where I was going.

But now the other death eaters were catching up, sputtering their own curses at Harry. Some of them thought they were following orders, others thought they were helping me. They were all wrong. As soon as I distracted their anger from Harry I tried to take off running again.

But Potter wouldn't have that.

"Sectasempra!" he yelled. One of my own spells, one of my own, he would not use it against me! I had to get going, I had to find Draco, and I had to get to safety, why wasn't Potter stopping?

I turned back, anger clearly visible on my face. I hated myself for what I had done, but right now I hated Harry more for not letting me get Draco to safety. I didn't want to hurt him, but it looked as if I would have to.

I shot him backward, now he was on the ground, wandless, and I should have been running again, but I couldn't bring myself to leave. He was staring at me the way Dumbledore had, but I knew that he wasn't possibly asking me to kill him… that was until he said it.

"Kill me like you killed him you coward!" Harry screamed.

How dare he call me a coward. I had been called a coward all my life, by people I had hated, and those I had loved as well. How dare he call me a coward on the night I had done the bravest deed of my life? I wasn't proud of what I had done, but I could at least say that it had not been cowardly.

"DON'T CALL ME COWARD!"

"But before I could make the boy take back what he said that enormous beast was coming at me. The one that had taken my mortal enemy away from certain death, the same one that had injured Draco, and the very one that had occupied most of Sirius's time when he wasn't with Reggie.

I ran, I had to run at full speed. All my energy thrown into that running, but I lost the creature in the woods, and I found Draco who had given up and was cowering against a tree. I grabbed his arm without lessening my speed and dragged him after me, only letting go when he too was on his feet and running.

"Where are we going?" he asked.

"A hideout," was all I said as I reached the edge of Hogwarts ground and apparated to the cottage, but Reggie was ever the hermit, she had even bothered to put up apparating spells around her little muggle home, so my spell had only taken us to the edge of the cliff that overlooked Reggie's home.

"Is that where we are going?" Draco asked.

"Yes," I said trying to find a foothold. We would reach the house by nightfall it seemed.

"We have to climb that?"

"Yes," I said beginning the long climb down.


	32. Hellos and Goodbyes In One Night

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**Chapter thirty-one – Hellos and Goodbyes In One Night**

**Song: Minor Incident – Badly Drawn Boy**

* * *

The climb down proved difficult. Not for me, despite my looks I was nimble, and experienced with running and being hidden. Draco wasn't very athletic however, or at least not when his feet were firmly on the ground.

He set off several mini-landslides on our way down, and I often had to reach out and steady him before he fell to his death below. I didn't save him from being a murderer just to allow him to fall to his death among a pile of jagged rocks. That was not in my agenda.

"Sir, where are we going?" Draco asked as he tried to pull his shoe out of a rocky crevice.

"We are going to that cabin where I believe there is shelter from the many who want you dead." That was all I would tell him of my plan, because the rest of it I didn't even want to admit to myself. I had no doubt how all of this would end, and even though it was why I had come here, exactly what I had been looking for, it meant I might never see Reggie again. Don't freak out, I wasn't going to kill her too; one death a night was enough.

As we reached the bottom of the sheer rock face I saw a tall skinny boy slip inside, he had obviously been watching us. That must be the boy Reggie had taken care of since the orphanage hadn't done a good job. What had his name been? Mark? Either way it meant the same thing; Reggie knew we were coming.

"Keep your mouth shut, say nothing offensive, and for the sake of all that is good do not dare ask any stupid questions," I warned Draco.

"Wouldn't the latter fall under the category of not keeping my mouth shut?" Draco asked.

"I said no stupid questions," I said calmly. I was tired, and while I hated to admit it, I was frightened. It was just now setting in that I had killed someone, and not just anyone; I had killed one of the most powerful wizards of all time. If I was still the power-hungry man I had used to be that would have made me happy, but I found that all my feelings were flooding back after all the time I had kept them away, and the first one back was remorse, followed by misery.

"She's cleaning?" Draco asked, looking into one of Reggie's windows.

"Mind your own business," I said cuffing the back of his head. It was hard to not blame him for what I had done, especially since now he was looking more like his father then like Cissy to me.

Just as I knocked on the door for Reggie to come my arm burned stronger then I had ever felt it burn. Draco's as well, I could tell from the way he almost doubled over from the pain. The boy was all talk; he was not cut out for a life of pain and murder. I could see that he was always going to be pampered, and if he wasn't he just might die.

"Make it stop," he pleaded, I guess to me, like I could stop the dark lord, but the egotistical part of my brain reminded me that I had just killed the man who had been the only one the dark lord feared.

"Stand up proud boy," I barked at him, "You were so eager to have that mark branded on your arm, so eager for this pain, so stand proud. You're too young to have regrets just yet."

But I couldn't say more, because just then Reggie flung open the door, and I couldn't help but muster a smile. She probably saw right through it, but I had missed her in the last year and a half we had been apart.

She was still extremely short, the streaks of copper in her brown hair had been replaced with streaks of grey, she was only thirty some and she had been through enough stress to streak her hair, but she still looked beautiful. She had gained a bit of weight as well, enough that she no longer looked sick.

She stepped aside; looking very confused, she had obviously figured out this was not a pleasure visit.

"Sit," I ordered the boy pointing at the couch. Draco obeyed, silently sitting and looking around the small house. I was pretty amazed, I lived in poverty for all my life, but never had I seen such a small house, the whole thing only had four rooms, one for the boy, one for Reggie, a bathroom, and the one we were all sitting in. Draco was obviously not pleased, but he kept to my rule of not saying anything offensive.

Reggie stood confused, but still strong. She knew something was wrong, and she was staring at Cissy's son, it was odd seeing him I'm sure. The man she had hated and the women she had loved as a sister combined in one child. It took me a while to get over it as well.

"Reggie, it's been so long," I said pulling her into a hug, trying to distract her from Draco. I didn't need her throwing him out of here just yet. "I haven't seen you since the night he died. Oh, how I regret the decision I made."

"I respect you for your decision," she said, still not looking away from Draco. I wished the boy would take off that sickening look of pride and arrogance. He was still a child, hadn't he ever learned how to properly pout. I shot him a quick look and then went back to talking to Reggie.

"That doesn't mean I don't regret it," I said pulling away from our hug.

"Why are we here?" Draco said standing from the couch, was it possible this boy had had his brain removed as a child?

"Sit!" I ordered and Draco sat, thank goodness, "Draco needs a place to hide, Reggie. I just killed Dumbledore, it was what he wanted, he wanted me to protect Draco and Harry. Don't you think he would have rather died at the hand of a friend then those who have made it their life goal to kill him? Reggie, I hate myself for it, and I admit, I was a bit selfish. How could I allow those… monsters the pleasure of killing him? I didn't want to Reggie, I hate myself for it. But when he spoke my name, I herd what he was telling me. He was dieing, and he knew it. He wanted me to be the one to kill him; he, like me, didn't want to give the others the pleasure. I did it because that's what he wanted me to do, and I did it because I promised Cissy I would help her son, please don't think I am a monster like the rest of them. You know I have never been and will never be truly one of them," I pleaded with her, trying to get it all out in one breath. If she had told me to get out just then I wouldn't have been surprised, I would have been disappointed, but not surprised.

But she told me that I wasn't a monster, and that she would always welcome me, but once again Draco proved how stupid he was by standing up and announcing that he wouldn't be staying here. I tried to force him to apologize, but Reggie would have none of it. She was more of a mother then I could have ever imagined, because she proceeded to make an apology to me for him. I never thought I would see the day when Reggie started acting like an adult. Even in my daydreams, yes you are never too old for daydreams, she was still a very energetic women, but now she seemed calm, I had just told her I was a murderer, and she hadn't even flinched.

But before I could say anything more to defend her, I was interrupted by the loudest shrillest noise I had ever heard, and I had heard many screams before. It couldn't be that boy she had practically adopted last time we met, that she had undoubtedly adopted now, could make such a noise.

"I think she's hungry," the boy said appearing in the living room, holding a bundle of green blankets. And then the blankest began to squirm and scream some more. There was something inside the bundle, and I doubted it was a puppy dog. My eyes went wide as Reggie pushed the blankets back and rocked a little girl in her arms. The girl was only about three months old, but from the pink outfit and bunches of red curls it was obviously a girl.

"Reggie…" I started, she was more of a mother then I had assumed.

"Yes, she is mine, Sirius's daughter. Her name is Cassiopeia, Cassie for short. I was pregnant the night I left. Matthew Bryce is also my son, but not by blood," she said, offering the child to me. Oh how I wanted to hold the twisting little girl. She was beautiful, with Reggie all over her. She looked nothing like her father. She was precious.

But I didn't take the baby. I was a murderer, I couldn't hold the child. I couldn't bring myself to touch on of the purest beings that had ever been. Oh, but I wanted to, for even though I was just finding out about the baby I loved her with most of my heart. Aside from the part that loved Reggie, and that part that had died so long ago when I was much younger.

"You're a mother, I'm sorry to say this but I never imagined the day. But now I know you won't be too upset at my proposition. I have to go back to help Harry, now that Dumbledore is gone. I want to leave Draco in your care. Please take him into the muggle world and disappear. I will send word when it is safe to come back," I said, my voice staying calm, my heart fluttering in my chest. Draco stood up behind me, silenced by the child. Reggie nodded towards the boy and Matthew went down the hall to presumably fetch some belongings. She would be going, but would she be coming back?

I kissed Reggie goodbye and ran my hand over the forehead of the infant as Matthew came back with a big pink diaper bag.

I watched Reggie slip off into darkness, with her two children, and Draco. They were going to be a family now, and I had no uncertainty they would be a happy family.


	33. Life at War

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

**Chapter thirty-two – Life at War**

**Song: How to Save a Life – The Fray**

* * *

Upon my arrival, and my explanation I was offered my old job as a spy, but I turned it down, deciding I would rather be one of the potion makers. Truth serums, poisons, cures, potions to stop pain, potions to cause pain, potions to remember, potions to forget, I made every type of potion I was asked to make.

Of course this meant the order was looking for a new spy, and bravely Miss Granger stepped forward. I reminded her that she was muggle born, and thus would not be welcomed. But with some of my help, and a lot of discouragement from Ron she cooked up a story about how she hated her kind as much of them, and how she would provide an inside knowledge into not only the order but the muggle world which they aimed to get rid of as well.

She was strong through the whole thing, I watched with Ron and Harry, who still didn't care for me very much, under the invisibility cloak as she was accepted and branded with that mark. I saw a trace of Reggie there, as she stood, with the steel fire I had tried to imitate, but came so easily to the both of them.

Of course it was war, there were casualties, but I had never imagined how it pulled at my emotions, all of them back now. I had known these people, either from my school days, or as a teacher I had taught them. Two of the greatest losses to our side were Fred Weasley and Nymphadora Tonks, who were also the casualties we mourned the most. It played hardest on the emotions of George and Remus, who both had asked for potions to forget, and I had obligingly given them what they had asked for, against the many protests from their friends, but I gave them a watered down version, one that would wear off over time. Once the pain left of course. I remembered it was hard losing Reggie, but I also knew how great it was to remember her, so I couldn't bring myself to make the proper potion for them, but there was one person I gave the proper potion too, although she didn't want it, and probably wasn't taking it as often as I had told her to.

Cissy came to the order, and we hid her the same way I was hidden, and the same way Sirius had been hidden. She said she wanted to forget Malfoy completely, but she did not want to forget the way he treated her, she did not want to forget that anger, because anger was an emotion, and emotions made her feel real. She had a very different look on emotions then I had, that's for sure.

"Severus!" she screamed running up the stairs, flailing a brown package in the air. "It's a letter from them, I can't open it without you!"

I put down the stirring rod I had been using and went to her, breathing easier then I had before.

Reggie hadn't sent a letter for three weeks and we had been beginning to worry. But as we opened the package we realized just how busy things had been. Reggie told us of how Cassie was growing a full mouth of teeth, Draco had dropped out of school, and Matthew had started smoking. I couldn't help but be amazed at the things she was proud of them for, but she told of more stories. About all the school activities that Matthew was involved in, and of Draco's new job, which were a bit more normal things to be proud of. Draco sent a letter too, and with all of that came a picture, taken at a muggle mall. It was of Cassie sitting in Santa's lap, with Matthew standing and laughing at the confused look on the toddler's face, and Draco. Draco looked less then happy to be there, but in his letter he told so many stories of Cassie, and how he loved having a little sister.

It felt weird with the war going on, and I hated to admit it, but I felt like a soldier off at war, with my family waiting at home. Cassie and Draco like children of mine, I loved them just as much, Matthew a son from Reggie's first marriage, and Reggie of course as a wife. I knew she had similar thoughts, as she confessed in some of her letters. I wished she would send pictures of herself, but she didn't. Only of the kids, but she always sent her love.

I looked forward most to the pictures of Cassie growing. I watched this child as if she were my own, and I knew Sirius would have been proud of his baby girl, but she didn't look like Sirius at all. The more she grew the more she looked like her mother. Reggie had told me once that if she believed in godfathers I would have been Cassie's, but she said that being a godfather was a burden she didn't want to wish on me. It was clear she was thinking of Sirius and Harry. I was still proud when I found out the Cassie's middle name had been picked out in respect for me, imagine, me instead of her father.

"Look Severus, they sent Christmas presents," Cissy said lifting out wrapped packages from the box. They had all sent presents to Cissy and me, even Matthew, even though his name constantly slipped my mind, and little Cassie had even sent presents. And I sent them each things back, along with Cissy, who loved her son, and little Cassie, who could just win your heart over without much effort, Cissy hadn't even seen little Cassie other then in pictures.

It was through the mail that Reggie and I sent back and forth that I learned of her adventures in destroying the horcrux although I had guessed at it when Harry had come back with a note signed from R.A.B… Whether she had meant Berlinson or Black with the B I would never know, but I did know that she still loved Sirius, so I assumed she had gone by Black. That's what her name was in the muggle phone book.

But it was one day that only one letter came in the mail, a very short latter from Draco. It wasn't that long after the war had ended, and I had had plans to come visit Reggie, but it seemed that that would never happen.

It seemed so strange that Reggie had died in her sleep, only forty years old. After such a long dramatic life it seemed almost ironic that she would die in such a peaceful way. She took no one with her, there was no dramatic battle, no murder; it was just her time. I guess it was just Reggie's last way of smiling and saying, "Sometimes being underestimated is my greatest weapon, but don't you dare overestimate me either."

I went to the funeral, of course to say good-bye to Reggie. I remembered her whole life with me, while everyone else was sad, I fought back the tears by thinking of the tears she had shed and I had stopped. I don't know why, but I felt almost as if she had been there that time to stop my tears.

She was with Sirius now, and undoubtedly happy about it. In her will she named Draco the legal guardian if something were to come up and I couldn't be the father of Cassie. Something did of course. I felt I owed my debt to Sirius, and to Albus, to all three Potters, and to Tonks and the Weasley twins. Even Reggie. I turned myself in. Draco couldn't believe it, neither could Matthew, but twelve years wouldn't be that long I told myself. It was what Sirius had served, and he hadn't even deserved it.

Draco had come to me the night before I would come out of hiding. He had told me it wasn't too late to turn back. In short he was saying it wasn't too late to be a coward. He was furious that I was giving up on him and Cassie, but I assured him I was fine knowing the Cassie would be in good hands, and that I would come see them both the moment I got out of Azkaban. Of course twelve years was longer then I thought. It was enough for a woman to turn back into a shadow, enough for a child to grow up, and enough for anger to ferment into full-fledged grudges.

But I intend to keep my promise; I intend to go see Draco and Cassie as soon as I get out.

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** I imagine that the song in this chapter doesn't start playing till the funeral, but whatever, surprisingly this is not the end, there is one more mini chapter after this one.**


	34. Epilogue

**Well, this is the last chapter. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter **

**Epilogue**

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I put down the golden journal; this man had just answered so many questions I had wanted to ask. I didn't know him, but I felt a great attachment to him already. Like he had been my father, for he might as well have been. 

I had to go looking for him, but that could wait until later, like after my birthday party tomorrow.

It shocked me that I had known some of the names mentioned in this story. My best friend Kenny had a father named George Weasley. And I had two friends named Ashley and Toby who had been adopted by a Remus Lupin, could it possibly be the same one?

I knew one thing was for sure; I had a bunch more questions now then I had before, and if I couldn't find Severus Snape to answer them I had a feeling I knew someone who could.

If Narcissa had been Draco's mother then she was Aries's grandmother, and that meant she was the ghostly shadow who was often seen pacing the corridors outside of her room.

It was time to pay a little visit to the women I had lived with for years, but never met once.

She had known my mother; maybe she would talk about it.

"Where are you going?" I heard Aries yell as I ran past his room towards the front door.

It was still pouring outside as I threw open the front doors and stood on the front porch just getting rained on. I could hear Aries's pounding feet as the little boy caught up with me.

"What the heck are you doing?" Aries said, tugging on my arm and trying to pull me back inside.

"Looking for an friend," I said with a smile as I gave in and let the little boy pull me inside. I swear as the doors closed I heard a deep laugh come from outside. Something told me that the Half-Blood Prince hadn't left just yet, and I was glad.

"Your friends will be here tomorrow," Aries assured me, his crazy cousin. He didn't know that one of them was probably here tonight.

As I went back upstairs with Aries, intent on paying a visit to his grandmother I had to smile to myself. It was weird to think that the night before my mother's sixteenth birthday she had been with my father. And even weirder to think that the night my father died no one had known I even existed, not even my mother. But it wasn't weird at all finally knowing about my family and their past. It wasn't weird at all. Now I actually felt complete, which was odd, because I had never even realized I had been missing something before.

Now if only I could find Severus, which I doubted after reading his story would be too hard. I would start looking tomorrow. Chances are that's when he would start looking for me.

I knocked on the door of Narcissa Malfoy, her grandson standing next to me with a look of perpetual confusion plastered on his face.

Slowly the door creaked open, and the woman inside peered out curiously.

"Hello Cissy," I said handing her the notebook.

She smiled with a sigh of relief upon reading the first words, showing me that she did indeed know The Half-Blood Prince.

"Well, come in darlings, I bet you have some questions. Now Cassie, have I ever told you how much you look like your mother?" she said, pulling us into her small little living room, ready to tell us a story.

_**The End**_

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**And even though I tried to stop myself from using these characters (Reggie, Cassie, and Matthew) by killing off Reggie I had to go and write this one, and the way it ended I'm thinking if I have time in the next week I could write Cissy's version. But I won't, because I don't have that time, and I really need to start a new story and get away from using these characters.**


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